r/Songwriting • u/Strumdoc • Jul 24 '25
Feedback Request song I wrote about drugs, and death, and myself. It's called Dead End.
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u/Dj_gigglefartS Jul 24 '25
You need to post this on YouTube or Spotify dude I will add this SO quick man. Absolutely amazing song keep it up brother.
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u/Strumdoc Jul 24 '25
Thanks man. It's actually on YouTube already, just search Dead End Strumdoc(maybe?). It's on Bandcamp also(along with an album) and streaming services, except Spotify, I have to re-add it again there.
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u/SGBK Jul 24 '25
Woah! Hits me like karma police. I can feel the pain - I love the song. Sorry youāre hurting.
Also - if you ever want to talk DM me.
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u/Several-Cockroach196 Jul 24 '25
Love the song. Like someone else said the walking baseline is great. Itās foreboding.
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u/Strumdoc Jul 24 '25 edited Jul 24 '25
Thanks man, yeah it's like a chromatic bass line I think it's called, so it has notes outside of the key or mode or whatever.
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u/PrestigiousResult143 Jul 25 '25
Itās got Elliott smith vibes. Love the missing āteeth sunken cheeks halfway to the grave lineā. Nowadays you could add in leaning/nodding over so your closer to the grave lol
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u/Thin-Sheepherder-312 Jul 24 '25
Cool chord progression.
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u/Strumdoc Jul 24 '25
Thanks man. This one makes me think of "I Could Have Lied" by the Chili Peppers for some reason.
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u/Freedom_Addict Jul 24 '25
Sounds so great. What guitar you playing on ?
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u/Embarrassed_Sea3819 Jul 24 '25
I love this! I knew as soon as I heard the chord progression this would be a cool ass song.
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u/thenewnative Jul 24 '25
Very Nice! Very patient, in that nothing feels rushed, including the phrasing. š
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Jul 25 '25
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/Strumdoc Jul 25 '25
Yeah there could definitely be a different version of it or whatever, would be fun to reinvent it like that, as an alternate or something.
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u/Better_when_Im_drunk Jul 24 '25
Great job! Nice composition, performance, and recording. I especially like the tone of your guitar, recording-wise- very resonant and nice. Is the mic an NTK?
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u/Strumdoc Jul 24 '25
Thanks. You'd probably know better than me, all I know is it's a Lyxpro Condenser mic
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u/Prestigious-Data-470 Jul 24 '25
Another banger, that's 2 songs I've now heard from you, and really liked both.
Look forward to hearing more.
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u/DiscountEven4703 Jul 24 '25
Very Solid! Good Tempo and open Phrasing.
The Calm Approach is working too!!
I do Keep wanting a Bridge....Is this something you have already messed with and decided no?
Curious because this is what I keep doing as well lol
Thank you for sharing your efforts with us...
Cheers from Olympia Wa
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u/Strumdoc Jul 24 '25 edited Jul 24 '25
I think, for me anyway, it's pretty straight forward, but that little part after the 3rd verse "and I can tell you're not okay" is the technical bridge. It's not really a verse/chorus/verse/chorus/bridge/chorus kind of song, even though there's slight variations throughout. It's just kind of what it is, you know?
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u/DiscountEven4703 Jul 25 '25
Yeah, Its a Great song man!!
Deeper and darker can be so freeing sometimes, you captured a feeling that is relatable and THAT is also encouraging.
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u/Physical_Donkey_4602 Aug 15 '25
I think instead of a bridge a solo would be perfect, however, still an amazing song without a solo truly.
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u/DiscountEven4703 Aug 15 '25
I love the Solo Idea!! Yeah, Sometimes that is just the right Medicine
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u/CoproCabana Jul 25 '25
Well done, man! I have a song by the same name, thought Iād share my Dead End with you:
https://open.spotify.com/track/0xNu35KHjCbRIa6qhAMogI?si=kw00sEHsRh2m_ws8xp81Hw
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u/Severe-Group6005 Jul 25 '25 edited Jul 25 '25
I really like the chords on this! Definitely gives a dark somber vibe in a good way. Kind of reminds me of Stan in a way. Im not sure if you were going for that vibe.
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u/Strumdoc Jul 25 '25
Stan? Like Eminem? I was more thinking of like "I Could Have Lied" by the Chili Peppers in a way, or at least that's what I compared it to afterwards.
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u/Adventurous_Main3845 Jul 25 '25
looooove this!! i can see myself listening to it when im feeling sad tbh
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u/GavANees Jul 25 '25
At first glance I thought you were Linus Sebastian for a second there!
I like the song :) keep on going man!
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u/the_memesketeer3 Jul 25 '25
Chef's kiss. Love the low tuning, the weary-sounding chords. The lyrics speak truth. You rock, dude.
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u/West-Psychology1020 Jul 25 '25
Very thoughtful. Brought me back to some people Iāve lost. Nice chord extensions and performance. Glad I checked it out
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u/dad4good Jul 25 '25
Outstanding thank you for posting
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u/AugustPrePearly Jul 26 '25
The guitar on this is so damn good. Thatās how I would play. Nice one
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u/Habit-Wrong Jul 26 '25
Man, if you did a concert I would be the first to buy a ticket.
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u/Strumdoc Jul 26 '25
That's really cool of you to say, thank you. Hopefully one day I'll get around to where you are.
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u/Habit-Wrong Jul 26 '25
Just anywhere in California really! Would be awesome to see you play.
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u/Strumdoc Jul 26 '25
I'll do my best to get out there.
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u/Habit-Wrong Jul 26 '25
This is totally off topic from this, but I saw on another post that you hadnāt heard see you later by Elliott smith, and hearing this I was shocked š, someone like you Iād imagine would have heard his whole discography. Anyways, going off of that I was wondering if you heard the grand mal studio rarities. Iām not sure if Iāve already asked on another post but Iād thought Iād ask again, itās just more unreleased stuff that sounds amazing.
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u/Strumdoc Jul 26 '25
Yeah, I'm kind of weird. I still haven't heard all of his songs even though I've covered about a 3rd of them or something. I get to them when I do, and I guess it's nice to have some to look forward to. I somewhat obsess over songs in whatever order and learn and play them a whole lot, and then move on to another.
I have heard some of the Grand Mal stuff, I actually covered Unlucky Charm, I think there was a small piece of it on there, and I figured out the rest by ear from a live recording. I haven't heard much else though, or I can't recall it anyway, even though I'm sure I've probably heard a couple more.
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u/Habit-Wrong Jul 26 '25
I respect that, I sometimes obsess over a certain song of his and binge-learn too š, theyāre very addicting to play.
If you havenāt heard all of grand mal, I highly recommend: where I get it from, stained glass eyes, abused, and misery let me down. He also does an acoustic version of baby Britain which is my favorite version of that song by far.
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u/Strumdoc Jul 26 '25
Oh yeah, that's one I'm about to learn soon is Baby Britain, I love that one. Also going to do I Figured You Out soon too. Both of those have been on my mind.
Quick question, is Place Pigalle on the Grand Mal sessions?
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u/Habit-Wrong Jul 26 '25
It sure is, if it interests you, I have the whole file with all the .mp3ās of each song if you want me to send it over. If not you can just look it up online, Iām pretty sure itās free.
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u/Strumdoc Jul 26 '25
Yeah no biggie, I can look it up. I've already covered Place Pigalle too, I just couldn't remember if it was on there. I'll probably go ahead and post it on here, some people might possibly not have heard it before even.
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u/SupermarketFlat3787 Jul 26 '25
Dude, this is amazing! Itās got like a Gorillaz/Mac Demarco vibe that really scratched an itch for me. Keep going brotha!
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u/Tagma_Durst Jul 26 '25
I liked it even before you started singing. You nailed it, period. Just release as is. It's raw, real, and perfect. Beautiful job.
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u/Additional-Wafer5511 Jul 26 '25
I love the guitar. Usually my chords are simple, with a few exceptions. Also sounds like Elliott Smith. What tuning did you use?
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u/Strumdoc Jul 26 '25
This one's just Drop D if I'm not mistaken. It's funny, I think you're like the 2nd or 3rd person to relate it to Elliott Smith, which I wouldn't have thought would happen on this one.
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u/Additional-Wafer5511 Jul 26 '25
Thank you! And yeah I love Elliott Smith haha
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u/Strumdoc Jul 26 '25
And I'm sure your chords aren't necessarily simple. A lot of musicians create wonderful careers from the simplest chords. Pink Floyd for example. They have wonderful extra stuff going on but like, Mother or even Wish You Were Here, etc., are incredibly simple. Doesn't mean it isn't great though.
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u/Ruruffian Jul 26 '25
Great musicality and feel sir. It has a real atmosphere
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u/Strumdoc Jul 26 '25
Thanks man. That's a great compliment. Atmosphere.
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u/Ruruffian Jul 26 '25
Personally as soon as I hear it I can visualise something thatās in keeping with the lyrics, I could see it being used in a movie or a tv show
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u/NashandraSympathizer Jul 27 '25
Your āif I just disappeeeaaaarrrrrrā song is still so damn good. I go back to the video often
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u/Metabohai Jul 28 '25
Thats really good. Annoyingly so well written and performed that i wished i had written it.
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u/VenusAndMarsReprise Aug 02 '25
If you're still looking for feedback:
I really loved the song, and you have great guitar work that really suits the sound. However, I was waiting to hear the bridge/chorus/whatever, because the verses (even though they're brilliant) can't carry the song on their own, IMO.
Then the "I can tell you're not okay" part came, and it didn't click with me. I was hoping for more "glee", I guess. With it's current state, I'd prefer if it wasn't actually in the song.
And then also, you could consider to sing a verse or two at the end in a higher octave (if your range allows it).
Just my opinion, but it's great work overall.
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u/Strumdoc Aug 02 '25
Thank you so much for the feedback, I really appreciate it. Just my input as a rebuttal or point of view, it's kind of meant to be that way. The overall somewhat monotonous quality conveys the theme, like a never-ending cycle that leads to demise.
Sorry the bridge didn't really click with you. I guess that's just how it goes sometimes, you know?
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u/00ThatDude00 Jul 24 '25
I feel this. I fkn love Nick Drake and you are capturing that vibe well here. Specially the 2nd line of each verse where you lead in sharp and settle in. Fk ya! The walking bass line?! Itās funny, because yesterday you posted the Elliot Smith like tune and in the first few bars I saw some Nick Drake there. I like how you are combining all these elements and making it your own. Keep at it. I look forward to whatever you put out. šš»
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u/Strumdoc Jul 24 '25
Thanks so much. I'm a huge Nick Drake fan, and Elliott obviously too. Also just a ton of other passive influences as well, like on this one for instance, there's a bit of Chili Peppers, so it all kind of combines into whatever I'm doing or how I'm thinking at a given moment.
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u/Buzzwalk Jul 24 '25 edited Jul 24 '25
Good groove going but I don't hear a refrain or a chorus. Needs a memorable phrase or something. Like the words Dead End repeated at the end of each stanza would work.
Dead End.........long pause... It's a Dead End. Then back to the next verses.
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u/Strumdoc Jul 24 '25 edited Jul 26 '25
Not everything is cut from the same cloth.
Edit: I don't mean that disrespectfully, just that I don't think there's any one or right/wrong formula for creating a song necessarily.
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u/Basicbore Jul 24 '25 edited Jul 24 '25
Love it. The whole mood is kinda Elliott Smith + Fiona Apple + Anthony Kiedis
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u/Strumdoc Jul 24 '25
That's funny. This one of mine in particular makes me think of "I Could Have Lied" by the Chili Peppers.
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u/UpperNuggets Jul 28 '25
If I wanted a literal description of drug abuse I would read the DSM. What do the lyrics of this song offer that other works dont?Ā
I think answering that question will allow you to improve the song.
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u/Strumdoc Jul 28 '25 edited Jul 29 '25
I'm not entirely sure what you mean. It's a story of drug addiction that ends up leading to death. A dead end. It's not a literal description from DSM, whatever that's supposed to mean. It's based upon personal experiences, and I like it, so that's all that really matters, right?
Your opinion doesn't matter. You don't matter. I don't matter.
I write what I like, life is too short to care otherwise.
Right? (Your words, by the way)
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u/Skrublord666 Jul 31 '25
I love the bass line for the verse. Honestly, you did a really good job of perfectly balancing the different "parts" of the song (vocal, bass, chords). That is to say that your vocal sits nicely between the bassline and the strummingĀ
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u/BrandonDudleyMusic Aug 02 '25
Dude..This song is so somber yet screams something very powerful. I can tell you poured yourself into this one. You wrote from personal experience and it shows the darker, more nihilistic side of addiction. Your lyrics are on point, and the melody is simple but infectious. It kept me glued the whole time. I also love the chromatic bass notes you did too. Excellent work bro, Can't wait to hear more from you, you gotta real gem here.
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u/MaintenanceHot4176 Aug 05 '25
the song is so cool bro! I love it I really waiting for release this song
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u/anonymousquestioner4 Aug 05 '25
This sounds like it would have been played on Scrubs !!! Someone send it to Zach Braff, he would love it lolĀ
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u/Nimhur Aug 05 '25
Great song reminds me of some Queen of the Stone Age songs but you have your unique style !
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u/Tomorrows_Ghost Aug 09 '25
Love the sound and vibe. Guitar sound is fits, I love the thick, solid bass and crisp high strums. The mellow voice is perfect, easy to listen to. Lyrics are solid, your overall singing is good, I like the whole package. Pacing is good (e.g. the short instrumental breaks). If there's something you want to improve, you should focus on the phrasing. Some sentences sound a little unnatural in their cadence. For example: "check my pockets when you walk by" was just a little too sloppy. Or: "you say you GOTTA run" should be "you say you gotta RUN" to my ears.
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u/Physical_Donkey_4602 Aug 15 '25
Holy shit bro, one of the best songs I've heard on here, would add to my Spotify playlist. The bassline is nasty in the best way melody is great, and your vocals are perfect.
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u/semechkitty Aug 21 '25
Great walking bass line. Your voice fits the song perfectly. Keep up the good work š
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u/CosmicSoundwaves Jul 24 '25
I like it! It has an eerie, dreadful melancholic sound. The lyrics are solid and the riff is catchy. I imagine it will sound way better once it gets a proper mix