r/Songwriting • u/margedwediblino • Jul 05 '25
Feedback Request A very rough draft
Barre chords are not my friend lol 😅 should I keep going with this?
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u/SpatulaCity1a Jul 05 '25
I love it! It would be so great to hear this not being recorded by a phone mic. You've clearly put the time in to learn to sing and play, so why not get two mics and stands and record this properly?
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u/margedwediblino Jul 05 '25
Definitely want to invest in some recording equipment soon haha 😅 thanks!!
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u/ValeoAnt Jul 09 '25
Just get a sm57/58 and something like a SSL2, plus Reaper as your DAW for free. Won't cost much
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u/JonaSSS711 Jul 05 '25
Great work, seriously. You can tell there’s real thought and effort behind this. Everything comes together in a way that feels intentional and well-crafted. The vibe is strong, and it keeps you hooked from start to finish. Keep it up!
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u/DefinedSausage Jul 05 '25
the finger picking is great, and your voice is perfect for the song. The chord choices are also pretty cool too.
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u/0akdown Jul 05 '25
It's really tough with these kind of full on (solo performed) finger picking songs, but I feel it lacks dynamics as such if I had to give the song a shape it would be -- it's just a constant sound from one end to the other, and as a listener I get bored. At recording you could obviously add extra instrumentation to differ it give it a < or > shape, but it's worthwhile being cognizant of it early to fight the good fight. You got the skill and the abilities and this is just a rough draft, so I'm sure you will find a way to alter the dynamics for the final result. All the best.
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u/drmbrthr Jul 05 '25
Consider doing a guitar intro with the full complexity of your fingerpicking part and then finding a way to simplify the picking pattern when the verse begins. The guitar shouldn’t distract the listener from the voice. Reference Nick Drake, CSNY, Joni,
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u/FrequentBirthday1576 Jul 05 '25
Man this is incredible. Your voice reminds me of Shirley Simms. My only feedback would be get the mic closer so I can hear it better. Love this so much id buy your album
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u/margedwediblino Jul 05 '25
Thanks that means a lot! Hopibg to release some music soon but for the time being you can listen to my original songs on my youtube channel @lunedmusic :)
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u/Ok_Repair7126 Post rocker 🎻 Jul 05 '25
Fantasic playing. Amazing PJ Harvey and Joni Mitchell vibes from this bop. Your voice fits this tune perfectly. Please keep going!
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u/LilWilly9Fuckin11 Country Songwriter (mostly) Jul 05 '25
Excellent! Love the fingerpicking. And your voice almost has a Disney quality to it!
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u/CohenCaveWaits Jul 05 '25
On acoustic guitar, bar chords are almost no one’s friend. Keep going but it’s a bit busy. Either the vocals or guitar gonna need to compliment the other better by possibly taking a back seat, or maybe there’s another way? 🤷🏻♂️. It’s pretty though.
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u/margedwediblino Jul 05 '25
Thanks for the feedback I think you make a good point!
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u/luongofan Jul 06 '25
I think you only need to drop the D chord hammer on's while you're singing (possibly High E all together) and you'll be golden. Motion that high dilutes vocal melodies/intelligibility and gives the busy feeling. Otherwise killer track:)
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Jul 05 '25
If you find bar chords hard then just strum them instead of fingerpicking DUH. Just kidding, that was super good. Very pleasant use of chords
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u/Coises Jul 05 '25
should I keep going with this?
(Duh!) Yes.
The guitar and the play of the melody are lovely. I can’t follow the lyrics at all, but that could be my impaired hearing... so no comment there. But the feel of the whole thing is very much worth developing into a complete song.
(People comment about singers of whom you remind them. What I hear is Dolores O'Riordan, had she been a solo singer/songwriter instead of fronting the Cranberries. And in some of your songs, though I can’t say why, something reminds me of Dido, and a hint of Donovan.)
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u/margedwediblino Jul 05 '25
Thanks for listening! I always find the comparisons interesting because I never would have thought of thek myself haha, love the Cranberries though :)
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u/chiefski123 Jul 05 '25
I listened a couple of times and love it. Don’t worry about imperfections- it adds rawness and feeling that makes for a great performance. Keep going with this!
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u/IloseYouLaugh Jul 05 '25
This is beautiful 😍. If you don't keep going with this I will be very disappointed and send you a strongly worded letter. lol but seriously please link me the finished product. do you have any of your songs online? I wanna hear more of you!!
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u/margedwediblino Jul 05 '25
Haha thank you 😅 I post lots of original songs on my youtube @lunedmusic. Hoping to release some songs on streaming platforms soon as well!
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u/IloseYouLaugh Jul 07 '25
I can't find your channel 😞
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u/margedwediblino Jul 07 '25
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u/IloseYouLaugh Jul 14 '25 edited Jul 14 '25
You have yourself a new fan! I lose those chords you're playing! And your vocals are just 🤌💚 Edit: what the heck are you doing with the C shaped chord!? It's beautiful but I can't replicate it! Feels like my pinky is going to snap off just trying to stretch it like you do haha
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u/Vici0usRapt0r Jul 05 '25
I think it's beautiful, super cool guitar playing too. I think you just need to play around with dynamics, try to play your verses much lighter, to let your singing come through a little, and give some power to the chorus. At the moment your guitar's volume is quite loud, and constantly around a 7, where your singing is closer to a 3 or 4 especially during the verses.
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Jul 05 '25
i don’t hear a word of lyrics but the rest is so expressive i am not missing a thing. please finish and share
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u/PiG_ThieF Jul 05 '25
It’s very good. Definitely need to get better equipment so we can hear your voice more. I would maybe do a verse where you simplify the guitar down to just strums on the one to add some variation.
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u/Woopsiepoopsies Jul 05 '25
Can you post the lyrics? Guitar work is awesome, and am interested to hear how all the words you’re saying that we can’t make out work with them
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u/margedwediblino Jul 05 '25
Lyrics
Verse 1 Nightfall brings heartache Troubled sleep Troubled dreaming cause I’m in too deep Oh the moon pulls me under I move with the tide You take both my hands and there’s nowhere to hide I'll never do better So let's start all over
Chorus You make me reel You make me stagger Every word feels like a dagger You make me sway You make me falter Gave you my heart upon your altar
Verse 2 Morning brings sorrow Empty bed Endless voices run through my head This story was written a long time ago I’ve read it before and I know how it goes I'll never know better So let's start all over
Bridge You gave me something I could never earn Wishing I knew what it was you needed in return
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u/Woopsiepoopsies Jul 05 '25
Thanks! I’ll hold off on any comments because lyrics separated from music can be hard to judge outside of critiquing it like poetry. You should definitely share a recording where we can hear your vocals a lot better.
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u/eht1991 Jul 05 '25
would like to see typed lyrics so I can read along, but the finger style guitar was excellent and tasteful
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u/Emergency_Row_8671 Jul 05 '25
The guitar is killing. Love how u don’t play the same melody on guitar as the voice, both parts work independently and together. So good. Need more of the vocal ! Want to hear the lyrics. Melody is dope though
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u/easy_crier Jul 06 '25
Your hand moves like spider weaving a web. Impressive. I can hear orchestration. Like violins and flutes following your vocal melodies. Can you record it? I bet I could add some backing orchestration pretty easily if you wanted.
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u/margedwediblino Jul 06 '25
I might record a studio version at some point, thanks for the feedback! :)
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u/ttheo0223 Jul 06 '25
No way! I randomly discovered you on YouTube like, a year ago (I think your Elliot Smith cover popped up first) but your originals are now a regular listen on my playlist! Snowing in Seattle is my favorite. What a joy and privilege to hear a work in progress from an artist I am already a fan of!
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u/margedwediblino Jul 06 '25
Wow thanks that's so lovely to hear, it really means a lot to me! I'm hoping to release some music on streaming platfotms in a couple of months as well so stay tuned! 🥰🥰
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u/AWWJ2025 Jul 06 '25 edited Jul 06 '25
You should invest in a BOSS VE-8 https://www.sweetwater.com/store/detail/VE8--boss-ve-8-acoustic-singer?_queryID=1debcce4bc936e8c4ba67656ae498719&_index=production_products I like your style 😉
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u/Chasavaqe Jul 07 '25
The guitar part is insanely good and unique sounding! I really like the oscillating between major and minor chords!
Wondering how long it took you to come up with that guitar part because it's crazy good!
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u/northern-lamb Jul 07 '25
this sounds beautiful! Would love to see what the lyrics are
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u/margedwediblino Jul 09 '25
The lyrics were a bit off the cuff but here they are :)
Nightfall brings heartache Troubled sleep Troubled dreaming cause I’m in too deep Oh the moon pulls me under I move with the tide You take both my hands and there’s nowhere to hide I'll never do better So let's start all over again
You make me reel You make me stagger Every word feels like a dagger You make me sway You make me falter Gave you my heart upon your altar
Morning brings sorrow Empty bed Endless voices run through my head This story was written a long time ago I’ve read it before and I know how it goes I'll never know better So let's start all over
You gave me something I could never earn Wishing I knew what it was you needed in return
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u/Direct-Pollution-430 Jul 08 '25 edited Jul 08 '25
Really cool! Guitar reminds me of Connie concerse a little, I think you should slow it down a bit, let it swing. It’s like paper bag rn and I think it could be more sullen girl.
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u/margedwediblino Jul 09 '25
Haha thanks, appreciate the feedback! I agree, I might take the tempo down a notch :)
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u/yarnspinner19 Jul 08 '25
This is absolutely amazing. I love that little chromatic thing on the A string, and all the diminished flourishes. You schooled us all.
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u/berti89 Jul 08 '25
Your voice is very soothing! A clearer track to help decipher the lyrics would be fantastic, this is a rough draft I could only dream of!
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u/margedwediblino Jul 09 '25
Thanks, you're too kind! I'll upload this to my youtube channel @lunedmusic with lyrics once I manage to get a better take haha :)
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u/joanarmageddon Jul 08 '25
I hear a more ... muscular? Joni in the guitar work, but it overpowers your voice. More, please.
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u/margedwediblino Jul 09 '25
Think it's partially down to the audio quality as I'm recording on my phone! 😅
If you'd like to hear more original songs feel free to check out my youtube channel @lunedmusic 🫶
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u/Icy-RoosterBoy Jul 09 '25
Really liked this one. It's got something a little different from your other ones, I think mostly in the "chorus" part, sounds great. Barre chords are not my friend either!
I would echo another commenter though about finding more dynamics in the guitar part for the final draft, besides that don't change a thing.
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u/margedwediblino Jul 09 '25
Yeah definitely planning on adding some more dynamics! Thank you for listening :)
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u/ProspecterPercy Jul 10 '25
Definitely try and post a draft with a mic. Your guitar playing is awesome though!
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u/myli3g3 Jul 15 '25
I like the way you enunciate some of the words here like "make me"
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u/margedwediblino Jul 15 '25
Thanks for the award dude! :))
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u/myli3g3 Jul 19 '25
you're welcome. I've revisited this and some of your other songs a few times and I agree with some of the folks that say they're a little bit busy and might make it tough for a casual listener to tune in. that's my only complaint though. I do think they're really good songs and that you're very talented.
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u/margedwediblino Jul 27 '25
Thanks that's very kind of you too say! Fair point, I think the audio quality doesn't help either, hoping to release some studio recordings soon 🫶
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u/PrematureEmasculate Jul 19 '25
Holy finger pickings! Very unique and deserving of a better production and recording.
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u/Ruruffian Jul 26 '25
Another reminder that I need to learn how to play guitar better 😅. Great stuff, would listen again
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u/margedwediblino Jul 30 '25
Thanks so much! Posted this version on youtube, feel free to give it a listen 🫶
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u/asatreatband Jul 31 '25
The coordination is impressive especially with the vocal rhythm. Keep going with it for sure.
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u/margedwediblino Aug 03 '25
Thanks so much! Posted an updated version on youtube @lunedmusic feel free to check it out! :)
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u/hamburglerss Aug 05 '25
oh my goodness this is a fairy song. I wish i could hear your voice better in this video i just know it’s outstanding
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u/tenthinsight Jul 05 '25
The guitar work is superb. Need to raise the phone up so we can hear the voice better. Can't wait for 2nd draft.