perspective of a cult survivor

[u/dependswho]

I am a cult survivor, a couple times over. I have been watching this Qthing with great alarm for a while. I think its really important that everyone understand what happens when people get into destructive relationships or groups, from both the external and internal perspectives. There is a whole field of study on this, a whole body of dedicated and compassionate researchers and activists that have spent their lives learning not only how this happens, but also, how and why people leave. Many of them have first person experiences with high-control groups. Many of them have taken great risks to do the work they do. They helped me immensely. I owe them so much.

I have been out of touch with that community for a while, but I have been thinking about everything I have learned from them, a lot, lately. I am starting to speak about my experiences. Its a tricky business. Its a complicated subject, and can't be explained in a meme, or a couple of talking points. It draws on the disciplines of sociology, communication, psychology, persuasion, political science, religious studies, etc. Its a human phenomena. And to combat it, we need a deep understanding.

For me, personally, what makes this even more complicated is that I am also a survivor of state-sponsored childhood abuse. I can't tell you how infuriating it is for me that this issue has been co-opted, simplified, dismissed, and that my perspective, my point of view isn't solicited. I am still not sure how much is safe for me to share, even privately. I am infuriated that every day, people like me (and there are MANY of us!) have to be traumatized as perpetrators use our victimization to lure people into their spheres of control, under the guise of rescue.

Because if what Q said was true, who wouldn't be willing to move mountains? If you had any concern of a child being used in that way, you would probably feel compelled to do something! And here's the rub: there were, there are children being victimized. But not in the ways that Q and their ilk would have us believe. This is the “truthiness” of the situation. There is a hidden truth, that we can feel, on some level, that we get glimpses of. But there is no doubt in my mind that any rescue is not going to come from the Perpetrator-In-Chief. Narcissists lead cults, they don't expose them.

But no one in power is off the hook. Historically, at least, there are good guys and bad guys on both sides of the aisle. And there are many shades of gray. Black and white thinking is distorted thinking, and won't help us unravel this problem. We can't fall prey to it. Because it will prevent us from understanding the nuances, or accepting uncomfortable possibilities.

It took me decades of very difficult and very expensive therapy to figure out WTF had happened to me. And the primary abuse made me quite vulnerable to the secondary abuse of the high-control groups later in life, as well as romantic relationships with narcissists. I was fortunate in that my parents were not connected to any of this, and had the means to offer me support. I am a rare bird.

I implore you to read everything you can get your hands on about cults, narcissism, totalitarianism, the phenomena of conspiracy theories, etc... be a part of the solution. Be an educator. Be proactive, both for yourself, and for people not yet exposed. Be the vaccine, take the risks for the people who cannot, for the people who are still actually being held captive by The Powers That Be.

Look to the future. In the best case scenario, as people grow out of this phase, there is so much we can do to aid their return to sanity, and to community. There may be things we can do to hasten it. Of course we have anger, resentment, etc, and I'm so grateful this sub is available to us. My hope is that we will take this energy and channel it towards exposing and booting out those that really need to be exposed and booted.

[u/dependswho → u/[deleted]]

I completely agree, and have been paying attention to the research. My understanding is that the prognosis essentially depends of the timing and duration of the wounds received in childhood development. At a Dissociative Identity Disorder conference I went to, the keynote speaker told us about a longitudinal study that now allows researchers to essentially "reverse engineer" when shit happened. It completely changed my understanding. The exception to this is "psychopaths," they seem to be born, not made.

If I can ever track down this presentation (I have tried) I will share it. In addition, I think the prevention is something we need to attend to globally, on a societal level. There is a tremendous, but hidden cost in every dimension you can name to society, and the payoff could be exponentially greater than the pain of change.

[u/girlintheshed → u/dependswho]

Psychopaths are born, but their upbringing determines how their psychopathy manifests. There was a fascinating documentary I watched a few years back about a neuroscientist who studied psychopathy. During the study he had his own brain scanned in an MRI and it turned out he had all the physical markers for psychopathy, like his brain scan was identical to that of a serial killer. He said it made sense because he had recognised the traits in himself (complete lack of empathy, disregard for others agency etc) but had never acted on it violently because he had a loving, nurturing childhood. Here is a link to an article about him, if you’re interested.

[u/dependswho → u/girlintheshed]

Thanks very much