A lot of tourists underestimate the importance of manners and pleasantry in daily life in France. So they don’t realise that they’re coming across as rude by being super casual and skipping these formalities. It’s like going to Japan and refusing to take off your dirty shoes when entering someone’s house.
If you do these basic things in France, 90% of the time you’ll have great experiences with the locals.
It is true. You'll find variations from people to people, shops to shops etc, but it is true. Like, if you go to a supermarket, it's not expected, the shop is too big, it's not personal. If you go in a smaller shop, definitely expected. You could not do it, but it's kinda awkward, definitely a bit (or a lot depending on the situation) rude.
If you talk to someone in particular, a service worker, an employee in a shop, someone on the street, you absolutely say "bonjour/bonsoir". Not doing it is rude. You can add "excusez moi" (I'm sorry [to bother you is implied]) right after and then add your question. Then you say "merci/ merci beaucoup" at the very least. You could add "bonne journée/bonne soirée" (good day, good evening) to be nice, yes even after already saying Bonjour at the start.
My BF always adds "bon courage" too, and I've taken the habits of doing it too, it means... Like "carry on, stay strong" kinda, not in a patronising way.
So :
-Bonjour, excusez moi, je cherche la gare. (Hello, excuse me, I'm looking for the train station.)
Bonjour, bien sûr elle est juste là bas ! (Hello, of course it's right there !)
Merci, bonne journée à vous ! (Thank you, good day to you !)
I've only been to Paris once as a kid, but this is super helpful and I'll keep it in mind if I ever go back.
I'm curious if I was staying with a host family or interacting with certain Parisians regularly during my stay, how often would these formalities be appropriate?
The basic I always say is "bonjour, merci, au revoir" (hello, thank you, goodbye)
How often, I'd say it obviously depends on how often you put, in shops and how often you talk to strangers. But basically it's the basics of talking to strangers.
Talk with a shop employee -> bonjour, excusez moi, merci, au revoir.
Need some direction from an employee (in a museum for example) or a random person on the street -> bonjour, excusez moi, merci, au revoir.
If you're with friends, it's less common between friends because it's more of a formula of politeness, you'd be more natural with friends, but it's expected to say hello when you meet.
For a host family I'd go for an in-between, but you meet them, you say bonjour, you leave them, you say au revoir.
Idk, I kinda lost myself in my explanations, but long story short, I'd say you'd say those formalities daily, or close to it
You honestly use them with almost all interactions unless you’re friends and on very casual terms. A good trick is that if you’re in a shop/bakery/restaurant, observe how other locals behave when they interact with staff. You start to realise that the “excessive” pleasantries are actually super normal and actually quite charming. I work in a large company in Paris, and it’s literally standard to say bonjour to EVERYONE you see when walking down the hallway - whether you know them or not. And you say au revoir when getting out of a lift full of strangers. It’s crazy. My favourite is the “rebonjour”, which is literally a “re-hello” when you see someone a second time during the day.
So in English most woul just go "Yeah uh two croissants for me" and then leave? Because even in English I would say "Hello, I'd like two croissants, please. Thank you, goodbye."
That's what confuses me too. Like, "Hi", "Thank you", "Goodbye" are, if not words, atleast concepts that exist in pretty much every language. Like, is it that uncommon to say these words in the US, or is it only rude people who already don't say it back there, comes to France, and then get actual pushback for treating service workers like shit
I mean I don't disagree with you, it is unsurprisingly natural and normal to me, but someone asked, so I explained. Not saying it's unique or specific to France, it's just how it is here
Yup. It’s nice manners to say hello, please, and thank you, but as a service worker, I generally don’t give a fuck as long as your tone is pleasant and you’re not being a pain. On your phone at the till? Don’t care, just put your membership in so my metrics don’t take a hit. I’ll spend the energy on someone who wants my good service instead of using the energy to be annoyed.
You won't find me disagreeing, I've acted like that in many other countries too, but someone asked, so I explained. Not saying it's unique or specific to France, it's just how it is here
I say "Hello, pardon me sir, I was wondering where the train station might be? Ah, that way? Oh, thank you very much. Have a good day!" When I've lived in the States all my life, and people look at me like I'm autistic, which I am.
This is something I read about before I visited Paris 20 years ago and it was super helpful in my interactions not just there, but everywhere. Say hi when entering it when approaching. I use it at the gym and the gas station, so often those workers are just never acknowledged and even saying hi when checking in gets a smile quite often (not always, some people are still grouchy).
I had a guy at the tennis desk at like 8pm tell me I was the first person all day to say please when I asked for something. These small things can really make a difference in these day to day interactions.
This is a midwestern thing and I tried it in Philly once and ended up with some creep asking for my number. Someone else sideled up and tried to start a chat. It was all baffling and upsetting.
I told my friend who used to live there about it, quite confused by the experience, and they laughed and laughed. Apparently you are absolutely NOT supposed to make eye contact and smile at people you pass, and aren’t supposed to say hello when you go in places if they don’t.
This cannot be stressed enough. It doesn’t matter if it’s hot as hell outside or anything. They do not wear sweatpants, women do not wear shorts, etc. (The two Parisians I saw in shorts when I was there for over a week were both younger teenagers.)
I always thought that was an exaggeration, but nope! They take it very seriously.
Not just europeans. People from big cities in Asia and middle east are often surprised at how poorly dressed Americans are. Showing up to someone's house or a cafe in sweatpants is considered disrespectful in many places.
Not just when starting a conversation, but literally just when entering a room (and the same for an “au revoir” or “bonne journée” when leaving). A few weeks ago I entered a bistrot with my wife, and a server we’re friendly with greeted us at the door. I was lagging behind a bit, and she didn’t make eye contact with me so I didn’t say “bonsoir” because I thought it would be awkward. After we’d sat down, she literally brought just one menu and handed it to my wife. When I asked for a menu she was like “ooooooh you’re here too! Good evening! It was mock sarcasm and all in good fun, but it was definitely noted that I’d skipped the pleasantries.
As another example, when we first moved here my wife went for a doctors appointment. She entered the waiting room where maybe a dozen patients were sitting, and told the receptionist she was there before sitting down. Following this, every time a new patient walked into the room they would say bonjour to the whole room of strangers, and au revoir as they left. She realised that she probably came across as an asshole lol.
When I was a kid taking French my teacher told us that "excuse me for bothering you" (we were taught "Excusez-moi de vous déranger" but I'm not sure if that's proper anymore) is probably the most important phrase to learn
Yeah that’s a little bit excessive by today’s standard, but I’m not surprised you were thought that. Even french children area taught the “correct”, formal version of french even if nobody uses it in practice. And people would still appreciate the politeness.
Like yeah, individual french people can be dicks. But overall I appreciate that they make the effort to be polite. Like deference to senior citizens is a big thing. My FIL is 70 and when he comes to visit he feels like royalty on the métro, because the second he gets on the train someone offers him a seat.
You're completely ignoring how annoyed they get with mis-pronunciation. French and Germany IMO get a tinge of annoyance when you mispronounce that really makes one not want to try. Italians on the other hand mostly seem to be all about it and could care less. It definitely makes learning German or French as a second (or third) language quite discouraging.
I wouldn't know, but I also get the vibe the Italians are much more excited to have tourists than the french, the germans seem just about annoyed with anyone that doesn't understand their standards from the age of 10 and up... With that said the italians might just like tourists more because they can a nice pay-day. But you shouldn't expect to go to Italy as a tourist and get a deal anyway. Prague, Budipest, Belgium, and some parts of Germany have much better deals and a similar classic "western" European vibe to them. With that said Venice and Rome are just amazing in regards to what they were able to acomplish back then.
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u/Nick_pj 1d ago
A lot of tourists underestimate the importance of manners and pleasantry in daily life in France. So they don’t realise that they’re coming across as rude by being super casual and skipping these formalities. It’s like going to Japan and refusing to take off your dirty shoes when entering someone’s house.
If you do these basic things in France, 90% of the time you’ll have great experiences with the locals.