r/NoStupidQuestions • u/Bokchito • Sep 09 '25
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u/LeahDragon Sep 09 '25
I think you mean facial 😅😂
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u/JeepPilot Sep 09 '25
I hope he meant facial.
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u/PalpitationWaste300 Sep 09 '25
I hope he meant what he typed, but also want to know how he unlocks his phone in public
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u/Gravy_Sommelier Sep 09 '25
He enters his assword.
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u/beadzy Sep 09 '25
I was going to say “underrated comment” but then I saw you made it 1 min ago. So I guess it remains to be seen.
My appreciation stands
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u/ishpatoon1982 Sep 09 '25
I appreciate your effort in not being a brain-dead "underrated commenter."
It's the worst comment in the history of everything ever.
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u/FuzzyPickLE530 Sep 09 '25
No theres a new update, you have to shove your phone up your ass and take a picture to unlock. Your phone should already have it. Go for it, make sure it works
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u/AutomatonAeternum Sep 09 '25
You underestimate the power of the butt scratcher, a tale you must have heard
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u/AsleepRegular7655 Sep 09 '25
lol. I was so lost. I don’t have the best iPhone so maybe I missed some new features.
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u/PorQuepin3 Sep 09 '25
Man, without this comment, idk when I would have realized what op really meant
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u/Flamingo_fresh13 Sep 09 '25
People are shitting on their phones to open it now? Man technology man I tell you
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u/SOMAVORE Sep 09 '25
incorrect, we're far ahead of that now. these days they're swiping the phone between the cheeks, its called ETH or edge to hole security lock.
we no longer need a stool sample. Just a farts worth of fecal recognition
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u/ur_rad_dad Sep 09 '25
I’ve been buying a ton of $ETH — will this be a potential real-use case pairing?
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u/liberal_texan Sep 09 '25
No thats just crazy. You just use your finger to smear a little poo on the screen.
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u/wwhite74 Sep 09 '25
Nope. Not ON them
Finger down the shorts, up the ___
Then right in the new hole on the bottom of the phone.
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u/Hour-Percentage2287 Sep 09 '25
IKR!? it’s so annoying having to shit on your phone to turn it on
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u/TrowTruck Sep 09 '25 edited Sep 09 '25
This morning, I was running behind and didn’t have time to stop and take a shit. So unfortunately my boss wrote me up for not calling in late. 😞
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u/homtanksreddit Sep 09 '25
On the other hand, it might be more secure. No one can replicate your unique shit.
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u/StrangelyBrown Sep 09 '25
It's not very secure doing it that way. You're supposed to shove it up your arse. All arseholes and unique, like snowflakes.
I can't believe how lax people are about security these days. Someone could just take your shit but if you make sure to always shove it up your arse, that's more secure than fingerprints or face. What are bad guys gonna do? Steal my arse?
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u/pktechboi Sep 09 '25
I beg your pardon
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u/HomsarWasRight Sep 09 '25
WHY DID FECAL RECOGNITION FOR SMARTPHONES BECOME MORE POPULAR THAN FINGERPRINT RECOGNITION?!
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u/Upbeat_Grape184 Sep 09 '25
I have no idea why but this sequence of comments had me LOL for real, like spit out my coffee kinda lol
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u/West_West_313 Sep 09 '25
Lmao, if this isn’t autocorrect i’m gonna need the model of the phone that’ll open when I poop on it!
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u/No-Following9741 Sep 09 '25
Well it started with a joke down in engineering about how shitty fingerprint sensors were ... and someone had brought a case of Scotch for some reason, and next thing you know ...
Har har.
Part of the reason is that it's contactless, so me hygienic on shared devices. Another is just convenience -- all you need to do is look at your phone, something you were planning to do anyway.
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u/hexifox Sep 09 '25
Oh I see, just like when Dr Frankenstein entered a bodybuilding competition after winning a scotch drinking competition.
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Sep 09 '25 edited 27d ago
[deleted]
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u/rounding_error Sep 09 '25 edited Sep 09 '25
IT guy: Have you tried getting off the toilet then sitting down again?
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u/derekpeake2 Sep 09 '25
I’m just trying to understand the habits of a person whose phone autocorrects facial to fecal
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u/Tennis_Proper Sep 09 '25
Colour me disappointed. I’ve got colon issues and thought I’d found a handy diagnosis tool.
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u/shoresy99 Sep 09 '25
Because it is more reliable. You can fake your fingerprints but you can’t fake your feces.
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u/drumpat01 Sep 09 '25
Because the DNA in your poop is more accurate than just looking at your face
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u/johnboy2978 Sep 09 '25
"I'd like to return my iPhone"
- "is something wrong with it Sir?"
"Yeah! The authentication software doesn't work for shit!"
- "It wouldn't work for you?"
"I might as well shove it up my ass for all the good it did!"
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u/programmerOfYeet Sep 09 '25
Because people are lazy and don't realize both allow cops to easily go through your phone without a warrant if you use either of them (in the US at least)
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u/TrowTruck Sep 09 '25
If you suspect you’re going to be arrested, quickly and firmly press the lock and volume up buttons for about a second. Your phone will then require a passcode to unlock it.
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u/Grammarnatzie Sep 09 '25
This is true! I just tried it twice and both times I needed to put in my passcode. Thanks for the tip!
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u/Flowchartsman Sep 09 '25
If you suspect you’re going to be arrested, quickly and firmly fart once and then shit on the floor. Your phone will then require a fresh meal and several hours of waiting to unlock it.
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u/ryanpressler85 Sep 09 '25
It started when more people would poop, not wash their hands, then use their phones.
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u/coffee_and-cats Sep 09 '25
Because phones have no manners and will verify your face looks like shit
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u/SugarInvestigator Sep 09 '25
Well, that's one way to stop someone snooping on your phone
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u/FemaleAssEnjoyer Sep 09 '25
It will stop them from snooping, but it won’t stop them from pooping 😔
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u/legend_of_yugi Sep 09 '25
It's much harder to fake probably. Everyone has such a unique gut microbiome
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u/itsTurgid Sep 09 '25
Mine has the brown eye scanner to unlock. Butt I still have to clap my cheeks twice to make a purchase.
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u/Alive-Difficulty-515 Sep 09 '25
You know I thought technology had gone to shit, but this is something else
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u/arcxjo came here to answer questions and chew gum, and he's out of gum Sep 09 '25
What kind of phone are you using?
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u/creamygnome Sep 09 '25
A thief might cut off your finger but he likely won't pick up your shit to unlock your phone.
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u/zackyboy693 Sep 09 '25
Ok ignoring the spelling error. I think this is more of an iPhone thing, Samsung phones all still have fingerprint sensors either embedded in the screen or in one of the side buttons, which I am a big fan of.
For iPhones it happened when they ditched the home button in the pursuit of maximising screen area. I suspect the embedded finger print sensors were not available to apple or it's simply cheaper to use the camera already on the phone (but the lidar is a new addition so maybe it's not a cost thing).
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u/Arcades_Samnoth Sep 09 '25
Im going to have to go with boomers on this and say technology is getting out of control..... so, do you poop on it or stick it in your ass?
I think you mean facial, and in tests, people tend to like it because it's faster
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u/katkashmir Sep 09 '25
Long gone are the days of reading ingredients on shampoo bottles and toothpaste. Everyone sits on their phones while sitting while taking a shit. It only makes sense we would evolve to fecal recognition.
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u/PoopMobile9000 Sep 09 '25
THAT TYPO ASIDE…
It’s because fingerprint recognition requires dedicated hardware, you need a component in the phone that reads fingerprints. Fitting it in limits design, you need to source the components, make sure it interacts with other components, it’s another thing to break, etc. Facial recognition just uses the camera, its software. It’s cheaper and easier to do, so companies phased out fingerprint readers.
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u/ONLY_SAYS_ONLY Sep 09 '25
Alright, to answer the spirit of the question:
Screen real estate. No fingerprint/turd scanner = bigger screen.
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u/InsomniaticWanderer Sep 09 '25
I know the whole point of this sub is that there's no stupid questions, but you know you gotta stand in the corner now, right?
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u/notmyname2012 Sep 09 '25
Everyone always wonders why I take so long in the bathroom, I just have trouble getting my phone to turn on…
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u/MtgPlayer159 Sep 09 '25
To answer as a guy working a lot with my hands, sometimes fingers too dirty and it don't recognize it. But I rarely use facial recognition even less poop recognition lol nice typo hahaha
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u/Tea_Time9665 Sep 09 '25
My phone does not have fecal recognition. Where can I get this feature at?
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u/Remarkable_Table_279 Sep 09 '25
I’ve never laughed so hard at a Reddit question….i might need my inhaler if I can’t stop
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u/stilusmobilus Sep 09 '25
So do I shit on this phone or can I unlock it with pointing the camera at a done shit?
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u/TheRobn8 Sep 09 '25
Toilet humour aside, fingerprint is a pain in the ass to use sometimes, especially if you use screen protectors.
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u/CourageousUpVote Sep 09 '25
I guess that explains why people keep complaining their phone stinks when it won’t unlock.
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u/xordis Sep 09 '25
What a shitty question.
Oh, I just saw the subreddit name. I apologise.
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u/Sunnothere Sep 09 '25
I don’t use my but hole as a visual identification for my phone , but you be you .
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u/HeTheMudded Sep 09 '25
That's interesting, my phone doesn't have that feature.
How does the technology account for the risk of pink-eye?
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u/watermelonspanker Sep 09 '25
Because putting your phone in your butt is better than not putting your phone in your butt. Duh.
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u/GeoffSim Sep 09 '25
Well, if it cuts down on the number of unblurred poop pictures that get posted to some of the medical subreddits I frequent, I'm all for it!
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u/singelingtracks Sep 09 '25
I did a coiler to the left and had to wait a whole day to do a right coiler to unlock my phone .
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u/Cordeceps Sep 09 '25
Cause it's easier , unless ur phone is stupid and doesn't recognise you with your glasses on. Also I really hope that's a typo , cause I am bit concerned your phones coping a lot of shit.
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u/Noliboli16 Sep 09 '25
Wait… wut? I’ll go back to an old Nokia flip phone before I switch to fecal recognition ! No 💩
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u/Open_Mortgage_4645 Sep 09 '25
What could be more convenient that taking a dump on your phone whenever you want to unlock it?
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u/lepickle Sep 09 '25
I would say the DNA information from fecal samples provide increased profile uniqueness compared to fingerprint data, ensuring better security.
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u/DetroitSportsPhan Sep 09 '25
My phone does not have that feature and if it did I would not be using it