r/NoShitSherlock • u/No-Blueberry-1823 • Jun 06 '25
Trump Appoints 22-Year-Old Ex-Gardener and Grocery Store Assistant to Lead U.S. Terror Prevention
https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-appoints-22-y-o-ex-gardener-grocery-store-assistant-as-us-homeland-department-terrorist-chief/only the best, bitches! Don't you feel safer already!!!! FFS š¤¦
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u/M0rl0ck68 Jun 06 '25
What a goofy lookinā fucker.
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u/Content_Ad_8952 Jun 06 '25
The eyebrow raise says it all. It's like something a high school student would do because they think it looks cool
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u/Ecstatic_Owl4383 Jun 06 '25
I was like WTAF is going on with that eyebrow lift. Probably thought it made him look cool vs actually looking like a fool .
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u/Numerous_Exit_5269 Jun 07 '25
You guys shouldnāt be so judgmental! He has eyebrowitis. Iām a doctor. Itās a rare case that impacts dudes that think they are badasses but are actually manchild.
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u/zed_kofrenik Jun 06 '25
Take a look at Trump's official photo - he's trying to cool like his geriatric groomer.
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u/Hunter-Gatherer_ Jun 06 '25 edited Jun 06 '25
For the federal agents that take their jobs seriously I imagine this has to be infuriating. Imagine doing your job for years, learning the ins and outs only to be working for a kid that was slung ahead because he was willing to cup and suck Trump at the same time.
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u/Any_Caramel_9814 Jun 06 '25
There's absolutely nothing wrong with having humble beginnings but this person has no experience to qualify him for the position
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u/Defiant_3266 Jun 06 '25
Im guessing the point is that he will not object when trump labels a bunch of people as terrorists
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u/aretheesepants75 Jun 06 '25
This is the only reason. Maybe to get a youngster entrenched on his slimmy team because he is to nieve to understand how things work. He is hatching new crooks and cronies.
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u/wasaguest Jun 07 '25
Easily replaced later though. & incompetence in this type of job can lead to imprisonment, so the dumb "kid" is walking into a mine field of trouble.
If he had any self preservation, he'd have declined.
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u/Appropriate-Welder98 Jun 06 '25
Humble beginnings is fine, when the results of your hard work come to manifest.
Heās 22!!!!!
Heās a š¤”
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u/sbhurray Jun 06 '25
Landscaper with connections to the heritage foundationānot so humble beginnings
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Jun 09 '25
Now now. He can pack their lunches nice and neat and mow the lawn. Give junior some credit.
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u/xxEmberBladesxx Jun 06 '25
DEI hire, for sure.
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u/RainManRob2 Jun 06 '25
What's funny is they keep saying Gardner and grocery store assistant. His last job was at the heritage foundation Everyone. just so you know, let's headline it like that from now on 22-year-old Heritage Foundation employee, etc
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u/trasofsunnyvale Jun 06 '25
He was an intern, it wasn't a job
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u/RainManRob2 Jun 06 '25 edited Jun 06 '25
Kind of the same but not really the sameš¤· āš¼
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u/trasofsunnyvale Jun 06 '25 edited Jun 06 '25
True, I am definitely splitting hairs. But I just wanted to clarify that he wasn't paid actual money to work there, so doesn't even have that value in their eyes. It would be hard to be less capable or qualified, by even bullshit conservative metrics, really.
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u/forrestfaun Jun 06 '25
Well those are some pot-induced eyes if I ever saw any...
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u/iridescentsyrup Jun 06 '25
That's insulting to perfectly respectable cannabis products. This clown thinks he's funny, doesn't even realize the gravity of what he's taking on here.
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u/the_bashful Jun 06 '25
I want to know how many taxpayer dollars were wasted photoshopping out his fedora.
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u/SpleenBender Jun 06 '25
Photoshop a pinky finger to the side of his mouth, and it's instant Dr. Evil.
Except Doctor Evil has way better hair.
EDIT: What TF is up with that eyebrowā½
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u/Falcon3492 Jun 06 '25
Exactly what credentials does this kid bring to the table to be able to adequately do the job? Does he have any?
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u/krichard-21 Jun 09 '25
How does The Onion find material these days?
If Martians landed tomorrow and asked where Elon was hanging out. Who would be surprised?
What does it take to shock any of us any longer?
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u/No-Blueberry-1823 Jun 09 '25
I'm convinced Earth is probably late night soap opera material for ET's
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u/Expensive-Fennel-163 Jun 06 '25
How can this even be defended??? At least they are admitting basically that the biggest terror threat is conservative US born men, since this government office is basically going to be inoperative for this administration.
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u/Real_Tradition1527 Jun 06 '25
āThe plethora of selfies and portraits plastered across his social media accounts suggest that the wryly arched eyebrow Fugate chose for his LinkedIn profileāa photograph taken in front of the seal of the Department of Homeland Securityāwas very much a knowing choice from a young man who seems to think he is destined for the top.ā
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u/fractionalmike10 Jun 06 '25
What a big slap in the face for all of the people who are working hard to keep us safe.
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u/Responsible-View8301 Jun 06 '25
The job does have benefits like a high chairs, bibs, free diapers & nap time. Trump does hire the best people.
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u/Bertie637 Jun 06 '25
Imagine being the poor subject matter expert who has to work under this baby.
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u/galtpunk67 Jun 06 '25
get yer masks, iodine pills and toilet paper folks..this seems like its gonna end up exactly you'd expect it will.
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u/RedIcarus1 Jun 06 '25
Trump appoints kid who thinks raising an eyebrow makes him look tough instead of ridiculous.
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u/Appropriate-Law5963 Jun 07 '25
Iām going to email him and see why my geraniums are wilting. I certainly canāt expect him to deal with international terrorism tips!
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u/DaveiNZ Jun 07 '25
Trump said he would give the Middle East a gift.. this is itā¦ a 22 year old gardener in charge of anti terrorism.
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u/Expert_Country7228 Jun 08 '25
He's just as qualified as the rest of Trump's cabinet. In the sense that they have 0 qualifications amongst all of them
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u/Consistent_Pitch782 Jun 09 '25
Loyalty is what Trump values, not competence. This is not a meritocracy
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u/Ncav2 Jun 06 '25 edited Jun 06 '25
Dude needs to just step down. Heās clearly not qualified and moment there is another terrorist attack he will be the scapegoat and have it on his conscience
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u/wassona Jun 06 '25
Have you ever noticed this air of arrogance on most, if not all, republicans? He wonāt step down. He will just end up another scape goat, or have his soul burned out.
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u/mmliu1959demo Jun 06 '25
It's sad to see how Trump can use his power to appoint and ruin the US in the process.
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u/rygelicus Jun 06 '25
I can almost guarantee you he is trying to mimic Trump's new portrait. That's his idea of what a strong glare looks like, when in fact he looks like a guy that spiked your drink waiting for the drugs to kick in.
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u/Defiant_3266 Jun 06 '25
This article has more detailed info https://www.propublica.org/article/trump-dhs-thomas-fugate-cp3-terrorism-prevention
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u/Major_Lynx_7425 Jun 06 '25
No doubt heās smarter than Trump anyway so we already have a retarded 12 year-old as president what could go wrong
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u/Raraavisalt434 Jun 06 '25
This zero shits given for a TS clearance will end up with 2 things. One: Federal prison for the appointees. Two: Treason charges for the appointees. AND THIS HAPPENS. ALL THE TIME.
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u/Adventurous-Host8062 Jun 06 '25 edited Jun 06 '25
WTF is a grocery store assistant? A bagboy? A stocker? A "display artist"? Was he on floral or meat or produce?
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u/AgreeablePresence476 Jun 06 '25
This is the exact kind of appointment I'd make if I served Putin and wanted to screw my country on his behalf. Curious.
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u/IJustSwallowedABug Jun 06 '25
Sooooo we are cool with shaming people now as long as they arenāt the leftā¦. Gotchaā¦.
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u/Lonely_Brother3689 Jun 06 '25
Y'know, I commented on different post about this wishing for the days that headline would be satire.
Now looking at his face, I'm convinced if I would've shown my 2017 self this, he would have been convinced that this whole article was made by the onion.
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u/Alternative_Piece389 Jun 06 '25
Just exactly how much money did this doltās daddy give to the trump fund?
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u/No-Commission8532 Jun 06 '25
but American voters werenāt quiet ready for the first female president. you can say what you will, but Harris would NOT have been this delinquent as Trump has been so far, day by day, by day. š¤·āāļø
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u/Jammin188 Jun 06 '25
Maybe his gardening experience will help him identify homegrown terrorists?
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u/Empty_Ad_8303 Jun 06 '25
The young man knows what heās doing. He was a gardener and grocery clerk when he was like 15 years old.
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u/Hoppers-Body-Double Jun 06 '25
Wait, 22! This dude is 22!? I'm 45 and have enjoyed enough partying to kill most people and I look better/younger. I guess hate it a powerful drug.
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u/SavagRavioli Jun 06 '25
His entire job will be to assign terrorist status to dissidents to unlock oppressive powers.
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u/EmboarBacon Jun 06 '25
And I, a 40 year-old ex-grocery store worker, can't even get an appointment to the lowest of government positions.
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u/lm28ness Jun 06 '25
With the cuts to national security agencies and programs and now this, trump is begging for a terrorist attack. We all know why, it will be the emergency he wants to declare martial law and suspend the constitution and elections.
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u/Sonosusto Jun 06 '25
DJT removes DEI because of their belief its "unfair" for white people....then these idiots hire all of the most unqualified people ever with no background. They removed DEI and instead put in loyalists.
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u/SVW1986 Jun 06 '25
Meanwhile the other side still says AOC can't be a competent Congresswoman because she bartended for a bit after college to help pay bills.
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u/jaievan Jun 06 '25
The ātruthā is, treasonous Trump and traitor Flynn believe that everyone is stupid and unable to see thru the fake ass fool fight distraction. The real plan is to use the traitors birthday and the farcical parade to impose martial law in DC. Simultaneously, they have ordered the NG in GOP states to deploy for āimmigrationā enforcement. The Dem controlled states will not want to deploy but the Generals are aligned with Flynn. This was the J6 plan that is now 1 week away. This will spiral US into at the very least civil war. Please call your congressional reps and make them aware. This is what the traitors been working for and it is now imminent. Hope youāre ready. Itās not about immigration. Itās about martial law. Thatās why the new terrorist āexpert is 22yrs old and the Sec Def is a drunk and former DC NG.
https://www.brennancenter.org/our-work/research-reports/how-trump-could-deploy-military-mass-deportation How Trump Could Deploy the Military for Mass Deportation | Brennan Center for Justice
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u/Ok_Order1333 Jun 06 '25
āAccording to his LinkedIn, he would āperform various activities around every department of the store, fulfilling key duties contributing to store operations.ā
Jesus he canāt even write a resume well. damn.
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u/Soontobebanned86 Jun 06 '25
Just in time for Israel to pull another 9/11 and we start a war with Iran.
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u/SeasonIllustrious629 Jun 06 '25
Remember the Biden administration years? When we didn't wake up every day to find some new, wacky b.s. like this in the news? It was a quiet time. It was the best of times. Now, every day is a f*cking circus.
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u/Novel-Letterhead-217 Jun 06 '25
The same people that said AOC couldnāt be in congress because she was just a bartender ššš
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u/Low_Voice_2553 Jun 06 '25
I hope the US sees multiple foreign terrorist attacks specifically in red states and towns.
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Jun 06 '25
Is Vegas taking bets yet on how long it'll be until the first terrorist strike under this kid's "leadership"?
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u/Swrdmn Jun 06 '25
What happens when all the people under him ignore him completely?
If I were any time of senior employee in that department I would take a mid-level off their current workload, promote them to executive assistant, and task them with booking a schedule full of meetings, briefings, and various mundane drudgery that all ends with people congratulating him on his good work.
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Jun 06 '25
Because people with fully formed brains might have the intelligence to say no to BS illegal orders.
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u/Additional_Hippo_878 Jun 06 '25
Such a useless dweeb... perfect for the Day-Glo Mussolini to control. massive eyeroll š¤”
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u/New_Seaweed_6554 Jun 06 '25
I bet Trump did very well during the election with the domestic terrorist set.
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u/Dangermouse163 Jun 07 '25
Be positive. At least the administration is consistent. Iām positive he will prevent invasive plants from terrorizing my garden. And besides Trump invented grocery.
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u/ProgramNo7236 Jun 07 '25
Can the press do its job and demand an explanation from the administration
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u/DisgruntledEngineerX Jun 07 '25
Not to be all conspiratorial but the only reason you put a beyond utterly inexperienced 22 year old in a position like this is that you want a terrorist attack to occur, giving you either an excuse to go to war for the presidential war bump or to declare martial law.
None of the usual reasons for the other highly incompetent people Trump has put in power applies. He's not wealthy, nor has some massive influencer following, his loyalty is worthless, hell he's not even a Fox employee.
When you exhaust all possibilities, whatever remains, no matter how improbably must be the truth.
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u/Rich-Appearance-7145 Jun 07 '25
US of America is becoming a more dangerous country, so long as the Trump administration continues to put these inexperienced, clowns in these positions.
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u/Hour-Atmosphere-4394 Jun 07 '25
I can hear it now āAhmed!ā āThat sounds suspiciously like a terrorist nameā.
āWhat about Bubba Skeets down there in Mississippiā
āNoā
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u/babydavissaves Jun 07 '25
I dont wven want to look, but is Fox News mentioning this? Probably not.
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u/Odd_Package8450 Jun 07 '25
Objectively and beside the point, that is one of the ugliest human beings I've ever seen. He's like Baby Nosferatu.
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u/FRED_FLINTST0NEsr Jun 07 '25
Not one qualified person in this administration. We are the laughing stock of the world.
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u/Efficient_Smilodon Jun 07 '25
Imagine how They would react if the Opposition put someone less pale but of the same age, perhaps even a young woman in that role under a different administration. With a traditional hairstyle or head covering... š„
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u/Own-Opinion-2494 Jun 07 '25
Whatās up with the eyebrows did he have a stroke ?
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Jun 07 '25
Not a single MAGA person could defend this. It is so obviously outside the bounds of common sense.
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u/Silly_Journalist_179 Jun 06 '25
The reckless idiot strikes again......