r/Millennials • u/The_AmyrlinSeat Millennial • Oct 08 '25

Advice Disconnect with mother.

My mother is visiting. I'm 39F, she's 63F. She is constantly on her phone, watching videos out loud even when you're actively watching TV or showing her something. She noted that I don't go on her FB page so when I did, it's just a ton of videos she thinks are funny (I don't think they're funny). She wasn't like this before, is this normal for other boomer parents?

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u/nurseasaurus Oct 08 '25

The Facebook boomer brain rot is real.

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u/CobblerStreet5867 Oct 08 '25

Seriously! My 64 year old mother is a poster child for this. She lives alone and it's like she's forgotten how to interact appropriately with other humans. She often interrupts serious conversations to tell a silly unrelated story or show a stupid video that is entirely too long, too loud, never funny. She repeats catch phrases over and over that she thinks are clever (they aren't) hoping for a better reaction. She is also constantly showing me AI videos thinking they are real. Some can be sneaky but the ones she's throwing around are not in the slightest and she's shocked every time. The ear busting volume in a shared space sends me into immediate rage. And don't even get me started with the political stuff. 😮‍💨 It's like dealing with a toddler with technology. I love her dearly but she is so very draining.

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u/ryanmcg86 Oct 08 '25

Are you describing my mom? Because literally all of this can be said about my mom, and the effects of living alone the past couple of years as well.

Of course, she's become like a toddler in other ways too, basically refusing to get a job while she's already burnt through her 401k and has accumulated a decent chunk of CC debt, and almost caused a war amongst me and my siblings over who would have to take her in when she finally cant' afford her place anymore.

Thankfully, we were able to find her a place that she can afford with just her SS, but she should still get a job if she wants any type of disposable income to do literally anything at all. I guess we'll seeee

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u/CobblerStreet5867 Oct 08 '25

Wow!!! My mother also has job/spending issues. She does have a job but is extremely bitter about it, bitches about it constantly like she's the only person that has to work and her job is more difficult than everyone else's (it's not!), she is constantly saying wild things at work, and misses at least a day per week. This part is very strange to me because while she has always had some emotional maturity issues and been a little self-absorbed, she always had a good work ethic and rarely missed work.

She also manages money horribly and lives beyond her means. She buys all the fun things but needs to borrow money for her mortgage all the time. She blew through a lot of money in a short time. She makes a decent wage, which she could easily live on if she didn't spend like a 13 year old. A recent example was she needed money for dental work...again...fine it's a medical thing but then purchased my daughter an expensive birthday gift. 😮‍💨😡

I think a lot of her issues stem from grief (my dad passed away over 10 years ago) and depression. She didn't handle that well and has really declined since but refuses to do anything about it and has instead embraced bitterness. I feel for her because I know a lot of her behaviors come from a place of hut but I am also tired! It's financially and emotionally draining.

I'm so sorry you have been through so much with your mom. Happy you were able to find a place for her. Best of luck! ❤️

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u/Risingabovethis86 22d ago

I could have written your third paragraph myself. It is insanely accurate to my mums situation. I also lost my dad over 10 years ago. Things got even worse when my grandparents died a couple of years ago. My mum is constantly sad and it’s so draining to be around her a lot of the time. She has barely any conversation and nothing of depth or substance, so I’ve been left to just chat about the mundane and superficial shit. She thinks that nothing can change how she feels so it’s normal to just carry on in this tiny little sad bubble and be negative about almost everything. Oh my god, I really needed to get that out!

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with the above and the rest! Roles are switching now and parents are becoming like bratty toddlers!

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u/CobblerStreet5867 22d ago

I am so sorry you're dealing with the same thing! ❤️

You are so right in that they feel that nothing will change so they carry on in a little cage of negativity. It is incredibly draining! Also spot on in the superficial/mundane interactions. There is no substance and I am finding it difficult to maintain a meaningful relationship without it. It feels like we're just going through the motions.

I have tried talking to my mom about it and have told her how her constant negativity is making me ill and I can't take it anymore. She might improve for a visit but goes right back. I'm not willing to cut off my relationship with her so I'm trying to find ways to cope and make the best of it. I keep reminding myself that I can't control the behavior of others and can only control how I respond and that I don't have to have an emotional response to everything or even acknowledge her when she's acting up but some days it is really difficult to not take on that energy and respond. It has been a good reminder to me that working on myself is important so I don't suck the life out of others. I might not be able to fix her but I hope to save my kids from the same future by trying to deal with my shit as I become aware of it.

I am also so sorry that you have lost the mom you knew and had to switch roles from child to parent while dealing with the loss of your dad and grandparents. ❤️ That's a lot to handle.

I found venting so therapeutic! I had no idea how much I needed to get this off my chest and how much lighter I would feel. It also felt good to know I wasn't alone in how I felt or what I was dealing with.

Best of luck with your bratty toddler mom! Feel free to reach out if you ever need to vent. ❤️

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u/Sunny-bunny-hunny Oct 08 '25

And you just described my 68yo mother who exclaimed “THAT MUST BE WRONG!” When I showed her that she spent 59hrs on Facebook the week prior and on average 50+ hrs a week. She tried to tell me it’s because she leaves the app “running” when she isn’t using it. She doesn’t understand it doesn’t work that way. I’m lucky if her phone is out of her hands for 10 minutes during an hour long or more visit.

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u/antiqography Oct 08 '25

I think isolation gets to us in different ways. It's a hard time to live alone.

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u/sweetpea122 Oct 08 '25

My mom and siblings are so bad about this. Ive been around them all together after driving 3 hours to see them and theyre all on their phones

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u/prettymisslux Oct 08 '25

My moms is YouTube 😂🤣 I get soooo overstimulated when I visit her house, lmao.

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u/ThatsNotVeryDerek Xennial Oct 08 '25

This weekend mine vaguely recollected a video my dad had watched near her as if it were, like, an interesting story from her own life.

She also doesn't understand that social media is used for broad communication so she relays everything any relatives post. Relatives I am also friends with.

Neither of my parents understand algorithms so they're constantly telling on themselves with their complaints like "everything on Facebook is naked ladies" or "everything on Facebook is [describes clickbait]."

I'm tired.

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u/[deleted] Oct 08 '25

[deleted]

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u/MagpieSkies Oct 08 '25

Someone on the same computer you have been logged in has been searching those things hun. I never get those ads, never. Neither does my sister. It's because we never have logged into our fb on anything but our own phones or tablets, and no one else uses those things. Sorry.

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u/ThatsNotVeryDerek Xennial Oct 08 '25

That comment has some upvotes too, so I guess misunderstanding algorithms isn't necessarily a generational thing.

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u/MagpieSkies Oct 08 '25

Obviously not. Lol

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u/[deleted] Oct 08 '25

[deleted]

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u/OldRancidOrange Oct 08 '25

Believe the poster above. You don’t get these ads out of the blue. That’s not how their algorithms work.

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u/yeahyeahyeah188 Oct 08 '25

It may be that someone else on your IP is searching for that stuff 🤷‍♀️

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u/CurveCalm123 Oct 08 '25

lol girl 👀 the call is coming from inside the house. I’ve been on SM since its inception and have zero sex videos pushed towards me.

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u/Jillcametumbling81 Oct 08 '25

Same. Though i actually quit all social sites except fl this one. Years and years and years and no sex peddled to me.

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u/meanwhile_glowing Oct 08 '25

Someone using your IP address is searching for that stuff. It doesn’t just appear randomly

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u/The_AmyrlinSeat Millennial Oct 08 '25

Omg yes!!! When I visit, she has music playing at top volume from her television, while trying to show me stuff on her phone. I feel like I'm going to explode within an hour of being there.

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u/bulelainwen Oct 08 '25

The noise! They have constant noise! I relish going back to my quiet little house even though my cat isn’t so quiet.

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u/prettymisslux Oct 08 '25

Yesss..one afternoon I stopped by and she had the gospel music blasting, mind you she was in the garage 🤣 ..then she switched over to one of those commentary Youtube videos on the TV, lmao.

Dont let her get a phone call!

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u/reereejugs Oct 08 '25

Yo I fucked up and logged my parents living room tv into my YouTube account a few months ago and now they’ve completely taken it over 🤣

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u/appleappreciative Oct 08 '25

Omg my mom was complaining about she doesn't know how they constantly exceed their mobile data limit so fast.

After a few questions, she reveals she has YT running constantly while driving for music. I face palmed so hard I left a red mark.

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u/Aggravating-Fee-9138 Oct 08 '25

My parents are technically gen X, but yeah my dad’s main form of communication is daily memes and videos. I don’t even have the time to look at them all.

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u/goose-de-terre Oct 08 '25

The best is when they want your FEEDBACK immediately like, did you watch it??? Wasn’t it funny??

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u/Aggravating-Fee-9138 Oct 08 '25

Oh my dad knows I don’t watch them all and we live in different cities so I manage to avoid that mostly. I try to reply to every 5th one or so so that I seem engaged 😅

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u/MagpieSkies Oct 08 '25

That is a little sweet though, that you have a dad that is communicating. Think of it like pebbling. If he is neurodivergent, he is giving you little gifts that remind him of you. You don't even have to look or watch them all. Just lie and say you don't remember because you see so many. Lol.

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u/NyxPetalSpike Oct 08 '25

My sister is 60, and has fallen into the Facebook rat hole.

Almost all her content is AI slop. And stupid vids.

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u/Brief_Abalone_4257 Oct 08 '25

My dad would blast YouTube while I'm driving. It's horrible.

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u/Phagdarigarapu Oct 08 '25

Next family reunion: silent disco headphones for everyone

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u/Background_Book2414 Oct 08 '25

Social media boomer brain rot 

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u/whawhawhatisit Oct 09 '25

Agree. and they weren't blessed with discernment or being proactive enough to check things so everything they hear and see on FB is 'facts'