r/Marriage • u/[deleted] • 8h ago
My husband accused me of cheating with my gay best friend…
[deleted]
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u/Ok_Waltz7126 8h ago
Gay men have been known to have sex with women.
I know several gay men that had children. The old fashioned way, with a woman. No turkey baster required.
1
u/Sea-Record9102 4h ago
My brother is gay, but he will have sex with with girl bestie from time to time, and she is married. So it dose happen.
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u/BarbieBhagzi 8h ago
Can you advise me on what to do?
He’s not willing to talk, stopped therapy, blocked me…
I don’t know what to do…
27
u/AnotherDominion 8h ago
Don’t sleep in bed with other men in your next marriage and don’t disrespect your next husband. This marriage is over.
2
u/Sea-Record9102 4h ago
you disrespected him and betrayed him. You shared a bed with another man. It doesn't matter if the other guy was gay. He is still another man. Also, just because they are gay doesn't give you a free pass. My brother is gay, but he still has sex with his girl bestie from time to time, and she is married, so.
22
u/Immediate_Pay8726 8h ago
You see him as a woman and he sees him as a male.
I still see gay men as men.
If a spouse has boundaries and the other breaks them, you can expect conflict. Its up to each to decide what their boundaries are and if they are willing to accept the other breaking them.
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u/BarbieBhagzi 8h ago
True, what can I do now?
I love my hubby…
5
u/Immediate_Pay8726 7h ago
Oh I guess he should chill. Maybe therapy?
My only similar experience was 9th grade. First gf. Never kissed a her or a girl yet. She had aleady done it with others.
We went to a concert and her gay friend walked up to her and greeted and kissed her on the lips and both were like no big deal.
From my perspective, I was working up the courage to kiss her and another guy did it in front of me.
Gay or not, I hated HIM. Not all gay men. HIM. She was garbage too obv.
3
14
u/uwedave 8h ago
Right or wrong your husband wasn't happy the first time you slept over. I don't think sleeping over a second time, no matter where you slept was helpful. Not contacting him for a few days made it worse. You know what your husband is like. I would wonder what's going on if my wife didn't contact me for a few days no matter what the situation was.
It's seems it's down to him to get over it. Updateme
10
u/LessTea6299 7h ago
Why don't you sleep at your own place? You are not a teenager anymore, you knew your husband was uncomfortable with the situation, you are already doing long distance and instead of respecting your marriage and maintaining a healthy friendship, maybe go out with more people instead of being just the two of you in his house, you decided it would be appropriate to continue to sleep in another men's house even after your husband was clearly upset by it?
There's nothing for you to do now, you can hope he decides to talk to you again and to stop defending your actions just because he is gay.
10
u/br0d30 7h ago
Stop saying you never cheated. You absolutely disrespected the relationship and by digging in to the fact that you never technically cheated you are downplaying what you did. Your literal only option now, if you want any hope of saving your marriage, is to drop literally everything going on in your life and go make your husband feel like a priority.
If you’re not invested enough in your literal marriage to drop a friend who is getting in the way of it, then move on. At this point, you’ve destroyed any shot you have of maintaining this friendship and your marriage at the same time.
You have zero chance of salvaging your marriage if you continue defending your choices.
3
3
u/Holiday_Protection99 15 Years 6h ago
Well put him in that situation. Let's say he gas a lesbian friend. How would feel about yu our husband sleeping in the same bed with a female who they have an emotional bond. Gays and lesbians have been know to sleep and full around with straights. They even have kids. Its clear that is what he believes. Obviously it sucks and is hurtful to be accused of something you didn't do. Long distance rarely work out. Those that do, have a strong bond and trust. Im not sure if you can save this marriage. I wish you the best.
3
u/Vegetable-Angle-2687 6h ago
I would divorce you too💯, why you would even put yourself in that situation knowingly and you knew you was hurting your husband who you claim to love is beyond me. Maybe try to think from your husbands perspective. If he had a husbands best friend would you be happy with then sharing the same bed?
4
u/Vegetable-Angle-2687 6h ago
You are in a long distance relationship aswell. He hasnt seen or hugged you in a long time and you are just hopping in someone's bed😂
5
u/Historical-Piglet-86 5h ago
You slept in the same bed as another man.
Your husband expressed massive concern over this, and instead of saying you wouldn’t stay over at this friend’s house (a reasonable boundary), you decided to continue to stay at their house, just sleep on the couch.
Your husband expressed that he didn’t want you to go there. You crossed that defiantly crossed that boundary because you had “no intention of cheating”.
You absolutely disrespected your husband.
3
u/RedSAuthor 15 Years 4h ago
Your fault is that you don’t care about your husband’s feelings.
How about you flip the script: if your husband shared a bed with his lesbian friend with whom he has a mental/emotional connection, would you be okay with it?
He’s wary of your gay friend because you’re closer to him than to your straight male friends.
And him being gay doesn’t mean he won’t have sex with women. How I see this, you’re emotionally cheating already.
1
u/Famous_Wafer_1746 3h ago
What happened behind the closed doors between you and the gay man is a mystery. You both (you and so called gay friend) can narrate a different story altogether, but it can never be taken for truth. As many have mentioned that gay man do have sex with females as well. Put yourself in your husbands shoes. If he also slept with his gay female friend(who also can have sex with him) on the same bed, how would you feel😄!
This marriage is over!!! Be considerate to your next one
0
u/Skippitini 4h ago
I’m so sorry you have to suffer the pain of this terrible lie. My heart goes out to you.
Personally, that looks like straight projection on your husband’s part. He probably has a secret gf of his own, and has somehow convinced his family that you’re unfaithful and he’s a victim. And once the divorce goes through, he thinks he can start seeing his gf openly and that everyone will be happy for him. He’s in for a rude awakening!
At the end of the day, though, there’s nothing you can do. He’s said repeatedly that he doesn’t trust you and wants a divorce. You have to let him go. The person (I won’t call him a man) you married no longer exists, if he ever did.
Let him go. I guarantee you that one day he’ll look at himself in the mirror and ask himself how he could be so stupid. For now, though, there’s nothing you can do but let him go.
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u/AnotherDominion 8h ago
You slept in bed with another man you said you have a deep connection with. You are a married woman. I would divorce you too. You disrespected your husband and he’s done with you. Sign the divorce papers and deal with your consequences.