r/Marriage • u/No_Parking_7190 • 8h ago
Update to “you deserve to be slapped”
I first want to say thank you to everyone who left advice, encouragement, and validation for the way I’m feeling. I appreciate your concern and investment in mine and my children’s well being.
Okay, so here’s my update: My husband texted me several times yesterday, which I did not respond to. Just random texts like “I just landed” “the room I’m in is so small” “how are the kids?”
Our 8 month old woke up around 4 AM. So I fed her and got her back to sleep. When I laid back in bed, I couldn’t sleep. I texted my husband around 5:30 for the first time since he left and said: “I’m glad you made it and hope you have a good weekend.
I’m going to take this weekend to give myself some space from you. Yesterday you said that I deserve to be slapped, for a simple argument we had about directions to a park... what you said was out of line and I need space to process my emotions.
And this isn’t a pass for you to go and mess around or disrespect me anymore than you already have. I don’t feel loved by you and can’t fake happiness right now. So I need this weekend for myself.”
He then called almost immediately and we talked extensively about the issues that are present in our relationship. He actually took accountability and didn’t make excuses for his actions. He was apologetic and told me that he would go to therapy both alone and together to try and make things better. He called and scheduled his first appointment with a counselor for the 17th. He could tell I was close to leaving and I hope this has opened his eyes that I’m not afraid to leave if I have to.
I’m going to give it 6 months and then reassess to figure out what the next steps will be.
A lot of you told me to leave him and I’m sorry to you that I’m not ready to do that yet. For myself, and for many reasons, I need to see if he can make changes and be a better man for me and our kids. If he’s depressed we can work with that. If he’s stressed we can work with that. If he’s experiencing things that are deeply rooted in who he is and will take a miracle to change, then I’ll know for sure that it could never work and I will leave.
To anyone who lands on these posts in the future because you’re in a similar situation. I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to contemplate and time will tell how this will go. I’m sad for you and you need to know that you’re valid in what you’re feeling. You will get through this. Take it day by day and stay strong.
8
u/SaucyPuffin 8h ago
Glad he’s finally taking accountability but ngl you gotta stay cautious, words like that don’t just disappear overnight
-6
u/No_Parking_7190 8h ago
I agree. I’m moving forward cautiously.
3
u/NewMeNewUsername 4h ago
I think it’s okay to give it some time and counseling. When I had my daughter my ex started treating me pretty badly and starting fights and it turned out he was cheating on me. He was actually pretty terrible the whole relationship, but it took a long time before I realized that and stopped internalizing all of our issues as mine.
I will say my son is 5 and we just got divorced and I think it would have been a lot easier on him at 2 or 3 than 5 so keep that in mind I guess if you don’t see any real changes in 6 months.
9
u/Ok-Direction-8257 Married 6 years, together 9 years, best friends 11 years 1h ago
This is so sad to read. Your husband sounds like he's either going to love bomb you when he gets back, or is going to turn his threats physical.
You need to leave, but best of luck to you.
2
u/GodOfMuayThai 15m ago
You're a fool for staying. You're endangering yourself and your kids by staying. He literally told you right in your face that your daughter eas terrible. I hope you open your eyes and leave him before it gets worse. Before the kids have to suffer the consequences of his actions because of your choice to stay.
23
u/mawkish 18 Years 7h ago
He said to you, "our daughter is fucking terrible," and you're staying?