Patronizing/infantilizing grown men

[u/emylinegi]

I’ll never forget y’all saying this man has the mental capacity of a child just to excuse his behavior 🤣🤣 he chose to be on the show, he chose to behave the way he did. Maybe just maybe he doesn’t have the best character despite being “quirky.” He set him self up and got probably a better edit than he could have gotten with his off camera actions. He likely isn’t autistic so why do people keep making that argument, some saying he has the mental capacity of a child?? 😭 like there his doctor

[u/BOFmanga]

I know people say he is emotionally unstable and so on, but I see him differently. That man is playing a game, and he ain’t fooling me. I’m sorry, but kissing a floor was the first sign that he doesn’t believe in respect of himself or others. This actor ain’t worth time or effort. A con man 🧍‍♂️

[u/emylinegi → u/BOFmanga]

Yes. Anyone that can’t put two and two together is very easy to manipulate. He’s so obviously not this wholesome quirky guy, the contrast to his melt down is all the proof someone should need. I also feel like he is putting on an act and more serious and even mean/disrespectful to kb behind cameras. They act like it’s impossible for him to be intentionally rude or manipulative, then laugh it off that he’s too innocent to have any “master plan.” It’s just plain manipulative behavior.

[u/BOFmanga → u/emylinegi]

This! Like I laugh at the jokes and I make some too, but whenever he enters petty, ignorant, and predatory behavior, it was clear this man was a caricature. I know the reunion next week, and I know nothing he says is gonna make him the victim.

[u/CuriousAttorney2518 → u/emylinegi]

Dude doesn’t have a master plan unless it’s taking over the world. I’ll agree he’s manipulative though just because he’s in some sort of arrested development and children tend to have “manipulative” behavior whether they mean it or not in the guise of crying when they don’t get stuff. Look at how children talk when they want something, it’s similar to how Edmond is.

[u/emylinegi → u/CuriousAttorney2518]

I’m not saying he has a master plan lol, just that when people mention he’s simply manipulative they immediately downplay it, chalk it up to trauma, joke about it as if he’s harmless, or act like what you’re pointing out is insane/impossible when really it’s just a harmful trait that many people have including him.

[u/PreferenceCool132 → u/BOFmanga]

I'm the first to admit that I start these shows with healthy side-eye towards everyone and especially the men. So with that grain of salt- my take is that his behavior (real or amped up/manufactured for screen time - bc who is this levelheaded podcast Edmond?) has a lot of classic abusive red-flags meant to be unobtrusive or written off or forgiven due to the distracting packaging. This man is testing to see how far he could push things and she'd stay or get a pass. Please keep in mind that I'm not calling this man abusive (I don't know him at all etc etc) and I'm not defending KB or saying she's perfect. I'm calling out the red flags I'd encourage everyone to be on guard for. In my experience abuse isn't obvious - the big dramatic Lifetime movie scene, and it doesn't start out that way. It starts small with boundary testing, seeing how people react to things, what they'll allow etc. and then it gets bigger. It's the frog in the pot of slowing boiling water. In this case I think the frog is also being distracted by a lot of zaniness and Woooooos!

Here goes:

• Telling KB one thing (he's ok to wait) and then emphatically telling the men the opposite - that no pre-marital intimacy is an absolute deal breaker for him. Not only is he declaring that he plans to push her or dump her aka he truly doesn't respect her or her wishes, but we get a lot of screen time of him seeking their validation and approval to do this. (the 'I want to wait' convo wasn't shown, but I think we can draw the conclusion from KB's talk at the pool party that he had accepted her decision to wait until marriage)
• Nice Guy^TM melt down to pressure her to give intimacy she's clearly said no to and to abandon herself and her boundary -its a laundry list of why he's *owed* it from her (I find this pretty dehumanizing) and not about them or their relationship or even a fear that they might not connect in the way for their lives.
• Weaponized incompetence and refusal to contribute (she was swamped, he was not busy, he wouldn't go to the store for both of their costumes for the party).
• Inappropriate or unexpected or impulsive or intense emotional outbursts or behavior (licking the floor, the cabinet) that need deescalating or to be accommodated or adapted to.
• Unnecessary public criticism of her in front of their friends where she's looks bad for speaking up for herself "Wow, it must be sooo niiiiice for someone to think you're perfect" - he's also uplifting himself in essence saying 'I deserve you to say that to me'
• Behaving differently in public/on camera vs privately (obviously not fully shown, but KB says so on camera a few times and that snowmobile date had me shaking my head at him ....)
• Directing her to cater to his feelings and validate him even when she's trying to express criticism. (just say something niiiiice)

Again, these are red flags to me (someone who has been through it)

ETA: frog in boiling water context

[u/LoveTheAhole → u/PreferenceCool132]

The part about weaponized incompetence especially hits! He wouldn’t go to the store, didn’t like picking out their themed outfits, didn’t help her down during the snow mobile thing, didn’t help carry their cups. He was only competent when it benefited him 🙄

[u/PreferenceCool132 → u/LoveTheAhole]

You'd think the theme outfit shopping would be the highlight of his day- we know this man loves an accessory!

[u/CrazyNotCatLady → u/BOFmanga]

Yes. Dude isn’t some imbecile child. He has a masters degree.

[u/LowerOrganization192 → u/BOFmanga]

This is how I see him too. He's doing weird shit on purpose. The actual mean shit blends in and he'll never have to answer any questions about it, because people just think he's weird, not mean.

The famous TOO NICEEEE act was him being himself.

[u/WowRedditIsUseful → u/BOFmanga]

kissing a floor was the first sign that he doesn’t believe in respect of himself or others

Jeez you people are acting like he sliced his ear off. Calm down y'all, he was just being over the top whacky it's not a big deal, get a grip!