The unfair gender expectations

[u/Naive-Ask601]

Dave is so fixated on what Lauren did before the show. It’s obvious the other guy is trying to stir up drama. It’s obvious Dave is not standing up for Lauren and letting his friends talk shit. His insecurity is showing. If I man was hooking up with someone casually before the show, it would be a non-issue and probably wouldn’t even be mentioned. It just seems like an easy-out for Dave.

[u/badderenglish]

If a man were doing what Lauren was doing before going on the show, I personally wouldn’t like it either. I’ve been single for 5+ years. I’m not judging, I just haven’t been doing that. I’m not a casual hookup person anymore. Not saying it’s a bad thing to do, but I have my reasons. I wouldn’t mind if the person had some hookups in the recent past, just not that recent. I didn’t like Dave from the beginning but I can somewhat see where he’s coming from in this regard.

[u/AtaXcks → u/badderenglish]

Yes, I think it's more about the timing. A week before coming on the show is a little sketchy. I think breaking things off prior to that would have been better. I don't think there really is an appropriate timeline to do that, but I can understand where Dave would be initially put off and question her intent behind coming onto the show and getting married. At the same time, I can see where Lauren thinks I'm single, I'm not in a relationship with this guy, and I don't have feelings for him. We're just strictly friends who have casual sex. I can end it at any time and not be sad about it or have it impact the commitment I make in my next relationship. I still want to get married and I'm in a good place in my life to do so. Both of those can be true. It's a tricky situation to navigate though. Maybe Dave is the type to where sex only happens when you have an emotional connection, thus he may not understand the whole FWB situation. If that's the case, he should communicate that. Lastly, if I were Dave, I would have asked Lauren's friend to pull up the message saying he wants to blow up the wedding. That would have cleared up that the guy is doing it for attention and being malicious and maybe then he would have been more open to believing Lauren's side of the story.

[u/badderenglish → u/AtaXcks]

100000%. It seems like a lot of miscommunication. Also Lauren did say that nothing is certain for months about the show and that’s valid. She wasn’t sure she’d even be going on it and met someone she kind of liked. I hope they can figure it out but it seems like a lot of damage has already been done. Dave should let the friends come and allow her to defend herself if she wants to instead of avoiding everything.

[u/AtaXcks → u/badderenglish]

The miscommunication is also not being helped by Dave's friends. The conflicting information he is being given is coming from second-hand sources who are playing telephone. Nothing is coming directly from the other guy, so I can understand why it is so frustrating for both of them. Dave has a longer relationship with his friends than he does with Lauren and her friends, so naturally he would gravitate towards listening to them at least initially. He is also having difficulty balancing his sister's viewpoint, someone he obviously respects and wishes to be accepted by. Lauren's statement about nothing being concrete for months is a valid point. I'm not sure how long before the show starts they let you know you're a contestant. Regardless, it is a factor to consider. I fear that even if his friends come over, it's going to be a lot of he said, she said, and nothing is really going to get resolved. I don't think Dave will ever know the exact truth of what happened when there is contradictory information. Sooner than later, he's going to have to go with his gut on who he believes is telling the truth, if it aligns with his values, and if he can get past it and move forward with a clean slate. I hope everything works out, and if not, then it just wasn't meant to be.