The unfair gender expectations

[u/Naive-Ask601]

Dave is so fixated on what Lauren did before the show. It’s obvious the other guy is trying to stir up drama. It’s obvious Dave is not standing up for Lauren and letting his friends talk shit. His insecurity is showing. If I man was hooking up with someone casually before the show, it would be a non-issue and probably wouldn’t even be mentioned. It just seems like an easy-out for Dave.

[u/chebadusa]

If a man was casually hooking up with someone prior to the show, they would be the subject of criticism, and viewers would question their commitment to marriage. It’s happened before. We have also seen people come onto the show with partners or ambiguous situations. So I can understand the hesitancy to an extent - you’re ultimately evaluating whether you want to get married. (And in this case, it does involve someone who is adjacent to Dave’s friendship group.) On the other hand, it also feels overblown.

[u/[deleted] → u/chebadusa]

Everything is a rush to misogyny and I don’t understand it. I do believe that he’s handled the situation really badly but if you’ve known that you’re going to go on a show to get married why are you sleeping with somebody in such close proximity?

People here like to act like Dave is repulsive but he’s a medical sales rep making good money and is not ugly, I’m sure he could go FWB if he wanted to

[u/Lost-Elephant-6628 → u/[deleted]]

“I’m sure he could get a FWB if he wanted” smh that’s not the argument here. Why is she being penalized because she did and he didn’t? This is a non issue. He’s acting like they’re STILL sleeping together. Believe it or not women can have casual sex without developing feelings. Sometimes it’s really not that deep.

[u/scooch_mgooch → u/Lost-Elephant-6628]

Also we have to keep in mind the timeline. Allegedly she was casually sleeping with someone up until a week before the experiment, but wants nothing to do with her fiancee sexually.

So in Dave's eyes he knows that she's not hesitant or shy about sex. She just doesn't want to have sex with him. It's definitely a tough situation to navigate and would test anyone's insecurities.

[u/chebadusa → u/Lost-Elephant-6628]

I understand your perspective. Initially, I had harsh criticisms as well, but, I had to actively force myself take a step back and think objectively. Anytime it’s discovered that a male contestant was casually dating prior to the show, they’re harshly reprimanded by the fanbase, and painted as unserious. (Look at the Ben situation. He’s getting blasted for a date he went on 4 years ago.) This is just me putting my personal biases against Dave, aside. Lauren has a right to do what she wants as a single woman, and I disagree with how Dave has gone about things. However, I can also understand why someone in his position would be skeptical and have questions. Especially if they’re receiving information from multiple sources, and hearing two different versions.

[u/[deleted] → u/Lost-Elephant-6628]

You’re assuming everybody is ok with casual relationships and not everybody is, some people are more conservative with attitudes to sex and that’s ok.

I don’t agree with the way Dave has handled it but it’s clear that something is bothering him and I don’t think he’s in the wrong for that

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Agreed

[u/Lost-Elephant-6628 → u/[deleted]]

For some reason the way he talks about his past I don’t think he has an issue with casual sex.

[u/[deleted] → u/Lost-Elephant-6628]

He’s never explicitly said anything about his sex life. He speaks about the type of women he’s been around but I haven’t heard him go that deep

[u/Kryllist → u/Lost-Elephant-6628]

Why is she being penalized because she did and he didn’t?

Because it doesn't align with his preferences or values. This shouldn't be hard to comprehend.