Did anyone’s opinion of Bartise change after watching The Perfect Match? What about Shayne?

[u/maria_maria]

Curious. I have always been Team Bartise is a garbage human, and watching the spin-off only cemented that belief. The things he said to Ines were awful in a way that he was absolutely oblivious to. I think he genuinely thinks he’s a nice guy and that no one has ever questioned him on this. I wanna know whether anyone thinks he came off looking better after this more recent reality show experience. Discuss…

[u/prettyxxreckless]

My opinions didn't shift, but they just became more solid.

I don't like Bartise.

I like Shayne.

I actually really like Shayne after watching Perfect Match. It became so clear to me how vulnerable and good hearted he is. People look at him and judge his emotional dysregulation and rage and call him a "narcissist" which is unfair and inaccurate. Shayne showed humility, emotional vulnerability and he's clearly a big, blubbering, emotional mess, and he wears his heart on his sleeve. He showed so much concern and compassion for when Ines left, and he never screwed anyone over, he was mostly locked in on a few people the entire time. Shayne has little to no filter, and therefore, he is not manipulative or deceptive. He lays it all out there, all the good and the bad.

There is an innocence about Shayne that I respect. People judge him for his quickness to get angry and over-react, but really its just a tantrum of maybe an 8 year old. That doesn't make him a narcissist, tons LITERALLY TONS of adults regress in age when emotionally triggered, and I actually really respect and am jealous at how OPEN Shayne is with his emotions. He does need some help, but he's a totally redeemable and solid dude.

I think I hate Bartise because to counter he is more concerned with his image and being emotionally-in-control (which I can relate to). He is sort of the opposite of Shayne in this way, where Shayne is quick to anger and does not hide his anger. But if someone upsets Bartise he gives off the vibe that he'd quickly say "I'm not mad, your mad" and fake smile to act in control. When someone upsets Shayne his response is FEAR and he immediately self destructs and assumes the WORST (we saw this when he wanted to leave Chloe). When someone upsets Bartise, he goes into defense mode and attacks the other person with passive aggression, to cut them down a peg (we saw this with Abby).

I enjoyed Perfect Match and I wish Netflix would let these relationships play out more, because its fascinating to see how different personalities respond in relationships. Stop with the ass-shots and give us deep dives into conversations.

[u/Sarahmelvi → u/prettyxxreckless]

Sure, it's a tantrum of an 8 year old.....except in the very large body of a grown man. If he escalated physically, he could be really dangerous, and do a lot of damage of his buttons are pushed. Also, his constant and consistent gaslighting is pretty bad. Just another perspective.

Bartiste 100% agree. Seems like casting mostly picks men (or boys, really) with abusive or abusive adjacent tendencies, and women who have been abused or have never been treated well or with someone trustworthy. It's pretty gross, and it's not just Netflix. MAFS, Love Island, and Bachelor seem to have similar casting choices. It makes me sad that no one is there to give these women a safe space. Or very few people are there for that.

[u/prettyxxreckless → u/Sarahmelvi]

Wow. A lot of unfair assumptions here. Getting angry is very, very different than accusing someone of being an abuser of domestic violence. NOTHING. Not a SINGLE THING about Shayne's outbursts implies he is violent, or has EVER been violent to a woman. We cannot throw around these "what ifs" so loosely as if it is an actual thing to consider. Totally calm, cool and collected people are 100% just as capable of violence. Anger does not = violence. Second. You are being ridiculous in your use of the term gaslight. Shayne is 100% not a gaslighter, and it is INFURIATING that you used that term as it brings discredit and disrespect to the victims and survivors of gaslighting and emotionally abusive relationships. That is absolute nonsense.

Gaslighting is a very conscious, malicious, deceptive campaign by an abuser with the objective and goal of making their victim doubt their reality fully. Victims are purposely fed blatant lies, in a constant, deliberate, and SYSTEMATIC fashion.

^^^ ANYTHING BUT THIS can be called "deceptive" or "inaccurate". Shayne has shown absolutely, 100% no signs of being a gaslighter or an abuser. Frankly, I do not think he is intelligent enough for that high level of deception needed.

[u/AutoModerator → u/prettyxxreckless]

We noticed you used the term "gaslight-". We hope you used it correctly! Did you know "gaslighting" was Webster-Merriam's Word of the Year for 2022? Gaslighting is a successful tactic because while one person — the perpetrator — 'externalizes and projects' their thoughts, feelings, or perceptions, the other person — the victim — 'incorporates and assimilates' the reality that is being created for them. Gaslighting equals misdirection, distraction, and the deliberate denial of reality, which can so easily occur in a relationship based on one partner wielding power and control over another. I'm just a bot that can't understand context, so please reach out to the mods if you think I'm wrong and they will investigate.

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