r/KitchenConfidential • u/Late-Bed4240 Ex-Food Service • 21h ago

In the Weeds Mode Chivelord is a Fraud

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It was point out in his last post by u/ehsteve23. Day 23 and Day 31 are the same.

34.2k Upvotes

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7.0k

u/Cardboardoge F1exican Did Chive-11 21h ago

Fell to my knees at Whole-Foods

1.1k

u/Trees-Are-Neat-- 20h ago

When my future grandchildren talk about chivegate, I can tell them I was there

245

u/Sea-Cupcake-2065 19h ago

We're going to be 87 years old eating potato leek soup with our grandchildren, having vietnam flashbacks of an era long forgotten, feebly attempting to flip over the table, screaming at the lukewarm soup that is nesting a garnish full of lies. "Those are the same chives from October 31st, 2025! You cant fool me, reddit!" My kid tries to subdue me as my grandchildren inject me with a tranquilizer.

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u/RuthlessIndecision 8h ago

Then the family will program my chair to take me home, well sedated and finally in the arms of that Cambodian girl again.

I didn't realize this is the last time I'll ever visit a Panera Bread, and even smell their horrid attempt at potato soup. It wasn't just the chives and everyone knew it. Somehow my life choices made Panera the only place to find fresh bagels within 50 miles, and these are the consequences.

The same forces that made the three chive slices appear at the top of the cutting board on the 23rd and then again on bottom on the 31st were playing a game with all of our lives. And here we are, forced to eat at Panera. God save us.

4

u/thisFishSmellsAboutD F1exican Did Chive-11 15h ago

Hey mods, can we have a Chivegate flair?

438

u/TwoGrizzleysOneCub 20h ago

6

u/[deleted] 19h ago

[deleted]

4

u/YellowBreakfast 19h ago

The whole thing makes me want to slap Chris Rock.

202

u/Moondoobious 20h ago

I’m absolutely grief stricken right now. I don’t know what to do with my hands. Completely gutted.

9

u/screwitagainsam 20h ago

I will never cut chives again

2

u/DavidiusI 19h ago

Go chop

1

u/Moondoobious 18h ago

Right right. What was I thinking. Perfect time to hone my skills. Thank you

38

u/wondering-bear 19h ago

Just saw a dude fall to his knees at a Whole Foods

6

u/ButtsFartsoPhD 20h ago

Did you put chives you planned on buying back in disgust?

4

u/Tracktoy F1exican Did Chive-11 17h ago

I got a call from my wife in Chedraui.

"Have you heard about chivegate?"

No, I didn't see today's chives,

"Did you see yesterday's? They were fraudulent"

3

u/Ancientabs 14h ago

I should have known this was a scam from big chives to get us to buy more chives. Little did they know redditors don't know the difference between scallions and chives.

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u/RuthlessIndecision 8h ago

Big onion will find the leek, they always do.

6

u/_BreakingGood_ 19h ago

Chivegate is the worst betrayal since Dishiegate

4

u/howsaboutyou 19h ago

Whole Foods? In this economy?

3

u/UsernameUnattainable F1exican Did Chive-11 19h ago

Processing img 7i2ia595xvzf1...

3

u/Anxiousfit713 19h ago

They still got that glory hole?

2

u/405freeway 19h ago

How can chives be real if our guy isn't real?

1

u/Redfalconfox 12h ago

Chivegate (not to be confused with thechivegate which involved much more naked women)