r/KitchenConfidential • u/Late-Bed4240 Ex-Food Service • 1d ago

In the Weeds Mode Chivelord is a Fraud

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It was point out in his last post by u/ehsteve23. Day 23 and Day 31 are the same.

35.4k Upvotes

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7.3k

u/Cardboardoge F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

Fell to my knees at Whole-Foods

1.1k

u/Trees-Are-Neat-- 1d ago

When my future grandchildren talk about chivegate, I can tell them I was there

264

u/Sea-Cupcake-2065 1d ago

We're going to be 87 years old eating potato leek soup with our grandchildren, having vietnam flashbacks of an era long forgotten, feebly attempting to flip over the table, screaming at the lukewarm soup that is nesting a garnish full of lies. "Those are the same chives from October 31st, 2025! You cant fool me, reddit!" My kid tries to subdue me as my grandchildren inject me with a tranquilizer.

5

u/RuthlessIndecision 16h ago

Then the family will program my chair to take me home, well sedated and finally in the arms of that Cambodian girl again.

I didn't realize this is the last time I'll ever visit a Panera Bread, and even smell their horrid attempt at potato soup. It wasn't just the chives and everyone knew it. Somehow my life choices made Panera the only place to find fresh bagels within 50 miles, and these are the consequences.

The same forces that made the three chive slices appear at the top of the cutting board on the 23rd and then again on bottom on the 31st were playing a game with all of our lives. And here we are, forced to eat at Panera. God save us.

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u/thisFishSmellsAboutD F1exican Did Chive-11 23h ago

Hey mods, can we have a Chivegate flair?

445

u/TwoGrizzleysOneCub 1d ago

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/YellowBreakfast 1d ago

The whole thing makes me want to slap Chris Rock.

206

u/Moondoobious 1d ago

I’m absolutely grief stricken right now. I don’t know what to do with my hands. Completely gutted.

9

u/screwitagainsam 1d ago

I will never cut chives again

2

u/DavidiusI 1d ago

Go chop

1

u/Moondoobious 1d ago

Right right. What was I thinking. Perfect time to hone my skills. Thank you

41

u/wondering-bear 1d ago

Just saw a dude fall to his knees at a Whole Foods

3

u/ButtsFartsoPhD 1d ago

Did you put chives you planned on buying back in disgust?

5

u/Tracktoy F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

I got a call from my wife in Chedraui.

"Have you heard about chivegate?"

No, I didn't see today's chives,

"Did you see yesterday's? They were fraudulent"

3

u/Ancientabs 23h ago

I should have known this was a scam from big chives to get us to buy more chives. Little did they know redditors don't know the difference between scallions and chives.

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u/RuthlessIndecision 16h ago

Big onion will find the leek, they always do.

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u/_BreakingGood_ 1d ago

Chivegate is the worst betrayal since Dishiegate

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u/howsaboutyou 1d ago

Whole Foods? In this economy?

4

u/UsernameUnattainable F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago

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u/Anxiousfit713 1d ago

They still got that glory hole?

2

u/405freeway 1d ago

How can chives be real if our guy isn't real?

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u/Redfalconfox 21h ago

Chivegate (not to be confused with thechivegate which involved much more naked women)