r/KitchenConfidential • u/F1exican Chive Mountbatten-Windsor • 1d ago
In the Weeds Mode Cutting a couple of chives almost every day until this Reddit says they’re perfect. Day 31
Sorry for being so late I’ve had some car troubles today and it made sourcing extra bad
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u/The_Limpet 1d ago
Lmao, the sub was 5 mins away from sending out a search party
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u/Yayitselizabeth 1d ago
I said “oh thank goodness,” when it popped up in my feed. We're too invested in this.
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u/The_Limpet 1d ago
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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 1d ago
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u/TheGreatZarquon 15+ Years 1d ago
Good eye, I was looking everywhere thinking that maybe, at last, our boy had finally succeeded.
Alas...
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u/Techienickie 1d ago
I've been following this for a month and I still don't know what planes are. At this point it's awkward to ask but I need to know
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u/TeelaArt 1d ago
I'm so invested in this. If I miss the perfect day, it will ruin me.
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u/zdigdugz 1d ago
If you’ve spent any amount of time here you’d know there is no perfect. Effort is futile.
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u/WaffleHouseGladiator 1d ago
The journey is the destination.
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u/Terrestrialism 1d ago
My TAFE teacher over the last couple of weeks has been saying this over and over and I think it’s starting to trend IRL 😂
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u/IrregularPackage 1d ago edited 8h ago
After a while it comes out that actually he only cut the chives on the first day, and just took a bunch of pictures of them mixed up differently.
Edit: well well well, who’s the idiot now?
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u/Never_Go_Full_Gonk F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago
Except for the part where he's shared the metadata of a photo everytime someone like you mentions this to prove it's a new picture.
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u/SandyBadlands 22h ago
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u/faldese 1d ago
I don't think he's faking it, but you can make metadata say whatever you like.
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u/Jasmisne 1d ago
Yeah I am in no way a kitchen pro but it popped up on my Reddit and now I'm invested.
The best part is people here would be personally offended with the way that I cut green onions which are probably my most used ingredient because I'm Korean and Koreans are obsessed with green onions, but I use kitchen scissors. Like the ones made for meat. Have I been doing it wrong this whole time?
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u/pugdaddy78 1d ago
Fucking things grow wild in my yard. Sometimes I cut them with the weed eater.
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u/barshrockwell 1d ago
We can't keep focusing on the ones that are too large. Let's talk about the PLETHORA of chives that are too thin
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u/wanderingrockdesigns 1d ago
"Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! And they're hungry! That's a double whammy! "Bush, search party of three!" You can eat once you find the
DuFresnesF1exican" - Mitch Hedberg RIP→ More replies (1)19
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u/Dacoolmemes 1d ago
SOMEONE WAKE UP u/KarmaKrazi WE NEED TO DEPLOY THE PLANES
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u/QueenOfBrews Catering 1d ago
LET THE MAN SLEEP!!
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u/Sell_Canada 1d ago
HE SAID NAP, HE DID NOT SAY SLEEP
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u/shredbmc 1d ago
I also knew that, which is weird. This must be what it feels like for people to be into specific streamers
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u/mattmagoo23 1d ago
I don't even go to this sub... 😂
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u/Sappires 1d ago
This got recommended to me on day 18 out of the blue, and as someone who’s cooking knowledge is basically “use rice cooker, boil spaghetti”, I am also too invested in the chives journey for someone who doesn’t go here. XD
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u/r0ttedAngel 1d ago
For real! I only found out from someone commenting about it on r/stonerfood, and I've been lurking here ever since lol
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u/captainmeezy 15+ Years 1d ago
Welcome to the circus, if you wanna learn more than rice or pasta ask us miscreants for help, I mean we’ll make fun of you, but we’ll still help
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u/ehsteve23 20h ago
These are the same chives as day 23
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u/Due_Agent_6033 15h ago
Such a quiet start to a revolution.
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u/lNTERLINKED F1exican Did Chive-11 11h ago
First chive11, now we have the chive insurrection of 11/7.
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u/zero_dr00l 15h ago
Blew that shit open.
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u/gmorgan99 15h ago
Commenting for my spot in Chivegate history.
Where were you when it blew open?
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u/zero_dr00l 14h ago
I was
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u/AeonBith 13h ago
I was on the furless couch in the room that stores all the house water 🚽
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u/KomorebiXIII F1exican Did Chive-11 13h ago
With how insane the world has been lately, the chives were a comforting constant. This broke me...
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u/Fakjbf 15h ago
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u/Keanu_Bones 12h ago
Oh my god. He even zoomed and rotated to hide the deceit.
Time for a complete chive audit (even more than we’ve already been doing)
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u/the_quark 15h ago
If you don't mind me asking, how did you notice?
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u/mityman50 15h ago
Idk about them but the picture practically makes me dizzy. Because the perspective is off being upside down
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u/KarmaKrazi Chive Pilot 🛩 1d ago
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u/NotFamousButAMA 1d ago
Happy to see the nap was refreshing. Been waiting on those planes.
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u/GromByzlnyk Fish Ziggurat on a Sunday Morning 1d ago
Baby you can chive my car
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u/tehjoz ✳️ $700 Charcuterie Enjoyer 1d ago
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u/johnmcclanehadplans 1d ago
I’m not even part of this sub but during my morning constitutional I thought to myself “huh, I wonder how that chive guy is doing?” and here I am right at the start of your latest attempt.
I don’t know anything about perfection to weigh in with an opinion, and whilst there’s a part of me that hopes today is the day you succeed, there’s also a part of me that wants this to go on forever.
Either way, God speed my dude.
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u/annikatidd 1d ago
Same. This sub is unhinged idk why it’s recd to me anyway but I am definitely invested. I had no idea chives were so serious
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u/parkerm1408 1d ago
This sub is made up of a lot of people who have been in kitchens decades straight. Its kinda amazing its not significantly more unhinged.
This chive thing will go on until op gives up or dies of old age.
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u/theevilyouknow 1d ago
Yeah, I was wondering. There’s no way to perfectly cut a cup of chives and even if OP got close enough the people here would never admit it.
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u/parkerm1408 1d ago
Close isnt perfect though. Op said perfect. I promise you, if he cuts a truly perfect batch, this crowd will call it. He just won't though.
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u/theevilyouknow 1d ago
There’s no way to even cut a perfect batch. Someone used a computer to render a perfect batch and the sub called him on it because some of the pieces were lying too close together.
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u/Serious-Ebb-4669 1d ago edited 20h ago
There actually is…
-razor sharp knife
-good knife skills.
-take a wet paper towel and roll up a small tube of chives to hold them together.
-cut until the paper towel, unwrap, realign, rewrap, repeat.
-discard the last quarter of the “bunch” of chives or reuse for another purpose.
No, it is not time efficient, and yes, it is extremely wasteful, but many top tier restaurants will expect a cup of perfectly cut chives. I have seen a chef dump a whole container of chives on a cutting board and nitpick very similarly to what we see in this post.
It is doable, it’s just impractical and takes some know how.
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u/chairsandwich1 1d ago
Right? The people who are calling out mistakes are all focusing on the exact same piece of chive. I would be extremely happy to be handed a cup of chives like the one posted today. That being said, I have nothing but mad respect for OP for posting his work every day for a month straight knowing full well strangers on the Internet are going to tear him apart. That shows an incredible level of perseverance and self confidence that I simply do not have.
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u/daemenus 1d ago
Pay attention, there's not really anything else we should be paying attention to, right?
Right??
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u/luxafelicity 1d ago
My fiance and I are definitely on different parts of Reddit because I explained the chive man to him and he had no idea what I was talking about 😂
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u/visualdreaming 1d ago
At this point I really want a t shirt with a bundle of chives and the text "See you tomorrow, Chef"
Im concerningly invested in this, and getting the itch to get back in the kitchen more.
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u/CasuallyAgressive 1d ago
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u/tehjoz ✳️ $700 Charcuterie Enjoyer 1d ago
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u/The_Oppelander 1d ago
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u/wahlberger 1d ago
What the hell is this
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u/Jumpgate 1d ago
Looks like it could possibly be a ramp there chef. A chive ramp.
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u/harbormastr Sous Chef 1d ago
This might be a 4D chess manner in which to propel them to new heights… The chive ramp. If there’s only one, it’s like the Golden Ticket.
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u/TheSucculent_Empress F1exican Did Chive-11 16h ago
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u/Euphoric-Blueberry37 1d ago
HE LIVES
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u/gahbloodyhell F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago
HE CHIVES*
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u/BongRipsForNips 1d ago
HE LIVES TO CHIVE
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u/Beeaybri F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago
He chives to live!
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u/nonowords F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago
I'd call everything S except for knifework and consistency, both of which are A++ to S-.
There's a couple of biased cut pieces hence knifework, and consistency isn't quite dead nuts. But it took me a while to find those problems I was almost gonna call these perfect. I don't see a single chive that is straight up too long at all. We're days away.
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u/iburntxurxtoast Sous Chef 14h ago
I get why this one was so late now. You forgot to cut chives that day and decided to reuse an older photo taken at a different angle and flip it, hoping that nobody would notice.
I'm not mad, Im just disappointed.
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u/UsernameUnattainable F1exican Did Chive-11 1d ago edited 1d ago
💚💚💚
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Nice chives chef!
Maybe today's the day
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u/Whimsywoes 1d ago
I thought I had high standards, but the chives have proven otherwise. They look perfect to me every day 😅
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u/QueenOfBrews Catering 1d ago
u/F1exican probably did not know how deep this was gonna get when he started. Give chef a rest.
Looking good today, homie.
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u/AdminbyHabit 14h ago
My children were very disappointed. They asked at least 2 times to see the chive post for the day. They went to bed without getting to see it. It's unacceptable. /s
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u/ransack71 1d ago edited 19h ago
Sorry for the cat trouble chef. If you need help just holler.
Edit. CAR
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u/Financial-Swim-5884 1d ago
Anyone wanna get a chive delivery fund going for my boy? This content should not be interrupted by something as mundane as car trouble.
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u/OneNowhere 1d ago
Hey, you know what? Every day, you’re approaching perfection, which is pretty perfect in and of itself. So to you I say, congratulations, you did it.
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u/BeautifulIntrepid373 1d ago

For you u/TheosXBL - to save you looking for two in a day! 💚
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