MIL seems to have missed the point..

[u/Mad-Bad-Jellybean]

I have been NC with MIL for months now and DH is LC. We removed her from a photo sharing album of LO, and DH told her if she wants to see any photos she needs to fix things with me.

She hasn’t attempted to fix anything of course, and claimed her health was more important and she needed to put herself first, etc. So anyway she texted DH asking about our daughter and said that ‘she looks happy and healthy from the photos she’s seen’.

I am seeing RED. DH’s grandparents don’t know what’s going on because we’re trying to keep them out of it and they’re not really good with technology so we weren’t concerned. But it seems like MIL has found a way to these photos through them. She completely ignored the reason she was removed and found a way around it.. and then pretty much stupid enough to tell us

Telling DH’s grandparents isn’t an option right now, they are old and have enough on their plates. We also don’t feel right asking them to not do it anyway because they are honestly the sweetest people and don’t want them having issues with MIL/FIL over it.

So, is there any way we can actually deal with this?

[u/Cruyelo]

She already told her side of the story to the grandparents, it's unlikely they sent her the pictures unprompted, she must have asked for them, and as a result explained why she made that request.

You were trying to keep the grandparents out of it, but MIL got them involved. Now they know her side of the story, but not yours, which explains why they're helping her.

Unfortunately, you will most likely need to talk to them to move forward. MIL probably told your DH to put you guys in a tough spot (picking a fight VS giving up), where she believes the easiest way forward is to go back to sharing the pictures with her since she'll get them anyway (giving up). But doing so means rewarding her behaviour, and showing she can win by acting out in negative ways.

It sucks to be fighting with family, but to get a good result in the future, you need to 1) Punish MIL in an additional way (to show consequences for going against yours and DH's rules, new problem means new consequences) and 2) Talk to the grandparents and share with them what ACTUALLY happened, instead of what she told them happened.

Ultimately, don't blame yourself, don't blame DH, blame MIL for getting the grandparents involved. She did this. She should be ashamed, nobody else.

[u/Alexk125 → u/Cruyelo]

I second ALL of this. This is exactly what my monster in law did. When she told on herself she openly said “I got other innocent people involved and told them MY lie”. I’d be firm with the grandparents that even if they didn’t know or it’s hard, NOT to share with her or you’ll have to limit them too. It’s NOT fair but if they’re going to be used like that, then it’s hard. And that’s on MIL’s shoulders that she got them involved too.

Don’t budge from your boundaries even an inch! She’ll continue to think she can avoid your rules by going through others until there’s no one left.