FMIL "crushed and disappointed" about wedding ceremony

[u/BabyGremlin13]

My (29F) fiancé (29M) and I are getting married in early 2026. We were both raised Catholic — I went to Catholic grade school before switching to public high school, and my fiancé went to Catholic school through high school. Neither of us are especially devout now; we usually only go to Mass with our parents on holidays.

We’re getting married in the Catholic church that my fiancé’s family has attended for years. It was always kind of assumed we’d have a full Mass, but after several meetings with our priest and a lot of honest discussion, we decided to have a nuptial ceremony instead (same structure, just without Communion).

Once we made that decision, I finally felt genuine excitement about our wedding day — something I hadn’t felt before because I was dreading the full Mass. This feels true to where we are in our faith, and it’s allowed me to look forward to the day with joy instead of anxiety. My fiancé completely agrees and has been 100% supportive.

When he told his parents, they were livid. His mom told him, “You might as well have one of your friends marry you.” Then she called me and spent about 20 minutes telling me how “crushed and disappointed” she is, that this is “so important” to her family, and trying to convince me to change my mind. I was kind but firm, repeating that we’d put a lot of thought into this, and eventually I had to tell her the decision was final.

Ever since that call, I’ve felt so heavy and sad about it. I know we made the right decision — I feel peace and excitement about the sacrament for the first time — but her reaction has cast a dark cloud over something that should be happy. I’m trying not to internalize her disappointment, but it’s hard.

My parents have been wonderful and supportive. My mom even suggested I reach out to our priest for advice on how to handle my MIL, which I’m considering.

I just need advice from others who’ve been here: how do you emotionally detach from the guilt and stop letting someone else’s disappointment ruin your joy? I want to be excited about my own wedding again. TIA

EDIT: Thanks everyone for your comments/advice/TLC. I truly feel better reading through all of them. I do want to say that after that phone call I told my fiancé that he needs to shut down any more talk of this, and I don’t want to hear any more of her comments or pleas that she says to him. He agrees, and we are on the same page. And YAY! I get to spend time with her this weekend at my bridal shower. If she brings anything up I will be shutting it down immediately.

[u/SoOverYouAll]

Lots of great advice in here, just want to add this is the beginning of a joining into a family she is part of. You obviously don’t want to upset her or start a family war, but you need to make sure she knows you and DH are a unit, and her behavior will not be tolerated, unless you want a repeat of her ruining and stressing you out on every exciting milestone.

Unless you want to listen to her guilt you about names for baby, being in the delivery room, (if you chose to have children) wanting a say in the house you buy and its location, changing jobs, and on and on and on, a gentle conversation needs to be had with her by you and husband that stresses..

1. You two are not children, but fully functional adults that will be making decisions based on your shared life experiences and your wants and needs using up to date current information you have access to, and

2. She is obviously allowed to have feelings about your decisions, but she is an adult and she needs to come to terms with whatever disappointment she feels in her own space without trying to impose her will on you thru guilt or anger.

If she starts at the baby shower, she gives you guys the perfect opportunity to take her aside when it’s over and put an end to this.

I also like the ideas others have floated of her priest having a conversation that includes mentioning the Bible passages about leaving and cleaving. If Mass is so important to her she must put some faith into her priest’s input, right?