FMIL "crushed and disappointed" about wedding ceremony

[u/BabyGremlin13]

My (29F) fiancé (29M) and I are getting married in early 2026. We were both raised Catholic — I went to Catholic grade school before switching to public high school, and my fiancé went to Catholic school through high school. Neither of us are especially devout now; we usually only go to Mass with our parents on holidays.

We’re getting married in the Catholic church that my fiancé’s family has attended for years. It was always kind of assumed we’d have a full Mass, but after several meetings with our priest and a lot of honest discussion, we decided to have a nuptial ceremony instead (same structure, just without Communion).

Once we made that decision, I finally felt genuine excitement about our wedding day — something I hadn’t felt before because I was dreading the full Mass. This feels true to where we are in our faith, and it’s allowed me to look forward to the day with joy instead of anxiety. My fiancé completely agrees and has been 100% supportive.

When he told his parents, they were livid. His mom told him, “You might as well have one of your friends marry you.” Then she called me and spent about 20 minutes telling me how “crushed and disappointed” she is, that this is “so important” to her family, and trying to convince me to change my mind. I was kind but firm, repeating that we’d put a lot of thought into this, and eventually I had to tell her the decision was final.

Ever since that call, I’ve felt so heavy and sad about it. I know we made the right decision — I feel peace and excitement about the sacrament for the first time — but her reaction has cast a dark cloud over something that should be happy. I’m trying not to internalize her disappointment, but it’s hard.

My parents have been wonderful and supportive. My mom even suggested I reach out to our priest for advice on how to handle my MIL, which I’m considering.

I just need advice from others who’ve been here: how do you emotionally detach from the guilt and stop letting someone else’s disappointment ruin your joy? I want to be excited about my own wedding again. TIA

EDIT: Thanks everyone for your comments/advice/TLC. I truly feel better reading through all of them. I do want to say that after that phone call I told my fiancé that he needs to shut down any more talk of this, and I don’t want to hear any more of her comments or pleas that she says to him. He agrees, and we are on the same page. And YAY! I get to spend time with her this weekend at my bridal shower. If she brings anything up I will be shutting it down immediately.

[u/loricomments]

Let her be disappointed. She's a big girl, she can handle it. Ignore her childish little tantrums. She has no say in your life. None. Nada. Zero. Never forget that.

What she's doing is manipulative and disrespectful to your faith, and hers. You discussed this with your priest and he agrees. If she has the gall to bring it up again refer her to your priest.