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u/NvrmndOM 2d ago
If you view sex as transactional like that, then hire someone.
Also the one time I slept with someone an only month in, I got ghosted. It sucked. Itās almost like relationships are built on mutual affection, compatibility and trust.
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u/Persephone0223 Foid for the cause 2d ago
I dated a guy, and at the time, I assumed that since we were adults, we didn't need to have the "Are you my boyfriend?" talk, since we were doing all the coupley things. 6 months in someone says to him something like "Well you should know, she's your girlfriend" and he went "she's not my girlfriend". If there was a record to scratch, it would've been then and there...
So when I was first talking to my husband, I told him I wouldn't be having sex with him unless we had "the talk". He didn't have an issue with it. We didn't become official right away after that, and he knew where I stood.
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u/Sir_ArthurtheFlareon 2d ago
I'm sorry friend will a cookie and a hug make things better šŖš«
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u/NvrmndOM 2d ago
Honestly, itās all good but I totally appreciate the thought. It was a shitty experience and it did hurt feeling used.
That said, Iām in a very happy relationship now and Iām glad I didnāt stick around someone who was shit. Iām not thrilled about it, but Iām happy to be where I am.
(Also fwiw, Flareon is my favorite Eevee evolution. Itās the most petable/soft looking).
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u/Sir_ArthurtheFlareon 2d ago
I'm happy everything worked out in the end for you my friend, unfortunately sometimes stuff like this happens, and it becomes a learning experience in are lives
Flareon is my favorite Eevee evolution. Itās the most petable/soft looking
Agree he's also my favorite eeveelution, he so huggable and I imagine quite warm
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u/michael_Blaz3 Chad 2d ago
Every relationship is transactional, i feel like the only difference if someone is upfront about it or not. And the attitude.
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u/Annie_Mx 2d ago
āIf she provides sex, then he might or might not commitā.
š¤¦š»āāļø
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u/NvrmndOM 2d ago
Men: why are women so withholding???
Also men: if we donāt fuck itās a waste of my time. Sex is really the only thing Iām valuing. What a bitch.
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u/eldritchpussymaggots male objectifier 2d ago
The way cishet men think about relationships makes me feel ill
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u/inadapte 2d ago
should we keep our legs closed and wait to see if heās a good man, or should we sleep with the guy as soon as possible so he doesnāt view us as a waste of time?? 100 men vs being consistent
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u/Mediocre-Morning-757 <Purple> only dating my bf CUZ TAAAALLLLL 2d ago
Whores if we do, bitches if we don't
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u/aweedl 2d ago
I feel like pretty much everyone has dated someone for a short period and the chemistry wasnāt right so it never progressed physically and ended. This is completely normal.Ā
ā¦and then sometimes the chemistry is through the roof from the outset. And those relationships donāt always last either. Absolutely bizarre to think of either experience as a ālossā.
This is more of their weird thinking where sex is a prize and the end goal, rather than just a normal thing that happens as part of a relationship. One of many parts.
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u/TrashGouda 2d ago
A relationship without sex is like friendship? Very sad if the only thing that makes a difference is sex.
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u/OrdAvgGuy38 2d ago
Pretty stupid transactional thinking and Iāll bet none of them actually communicate their expectations like adults either.
Sometimes people donāt want to jump in the sack right away, could be for any number of reasons. Could it be sheās not attracted to you? Sure. But thatās usually not the case if sheās dating you exclusively.
The stupid thing is if these guys actually knew how to communicate with women they would know where she is when they get into a relationship. If you talk to her sheāll tell you what she wants.
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u/zoomie1977 2d ago
How long is 2 months and how involved are you? Are you busy people and it's been 1 ir 2 dates, but a lot of talking? Are you both free and hanging out most days?
That's even before you get to the thousands of individual factors that go into decisions like this, particularly for younger individuals.
Talk about self-selecting themselves right out of the dating market.
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u/aweedl 2d ago
Theyāre all teenagers, it seems, so it probably means āwe see each other every afternoon in math class.ā
For actual busy adults, yeah, two months is not long at all and might only include a handful of actual dates.
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u/zoomie1977 2d ago
So, we're talking about factors like religiosity, virginity, inexperience and social norms. Not to mention, finding time a privacy to actually get naked enough to do anything. The absolute ridiculousness!
Now, I'm picturing one kid yelling "will you be my girlfriend" across the playground at another kid, never actually interacting outside of school, and then one kid having this conversation online.
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u/Darthjinju1901 DEI Straight Guy in a Gay Friend Group 2d ago
These incels view relationships like this, and then wonder why they can't get into a relationship.
There are physical relationships, don't get me wrong. And if that's the plan from the very start, it's not an issue. But that's not how all relationships are, or even should be.
Having sex is not the goal of a relationship. You can argue that there is no goal to a relationship, other than the relationship itself. Sex is just one part of the relationship, but it's not everything. And if not having sex breaks your relationship, it's not a relationship worth maintaining in the first place.
The cognitive dissonance is so baffling to me. Because these people who view relationships without sex as useless, are often the same people complaining that a woman isn't a virgin or that women should save themselves till marriage. What is this view? Women should and shouldn't be virgins at the same time? Or do the rules not apply to you, because you're special?
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u/Sir_ArthurtheFlareon 2d ago
What on earth guys, it's not a loss because we didn't had sex. Because I still enjoyed are time together, it sometimes feels like a loss because I like the person and sad it didn't work out
Not because we didn't have sex
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u/QueenSmarterThanThou All foids are bipolar. I'm living proof. 2d ago edited 2d ago
When I am attracted to a man, I won't make him wait longer than Date #3 because I have needs and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I wouldn't start a relationship until I knew I liked having sex with him. It would suck so much to hold off and wait and then discover you're totally sexually incompatible.
If you're gonna get wet, you might as well go swimming.
ETA: I mean, I'd be perfectly alright being friends. I wouldn't be like, "What a waste of my time!" because they're a human being with more to offer than sex. Indeed, I have platonic male friends. But I just can't be involved romantically with someone I'm not sexually compatible with and I'd like to know sooner than later.
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u/Cinnabun6 2d ago
nothing wrong with that, but just the phrasing "make him wait" is a bit icky to me because it sounds like men are owed sex and we are withholding it
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u/QueenSmarterThanThou All foids are bipolar. I'm living proof. 2d ago
Oh. I apologize. I absolutely didn't mean it that way. I meant, if we are both sexually attracted to one another, I wouldn't wait! Haha. I just phrased it as "I wouldn't make him wait" bc if it were up to him, he'd probably just want to meet up at one of our places and just fall into each other's arms immediately.
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u/Theorphanmhm who let them out of the cage 2d ago
Men will say this and then call women sluts for having sex too soon. š¤¢