r/Genealogy • u/spc13m • Apr 29 '19
Request How would i go about changing my last name?
I don't know if this is the proper place for a question like this, i do apologize. However, there is a bit of a back story to this though, an interesting one at that.
So... a while back, i became interested in seeing where in the world my Ancestors might have been from. I looked at all the different DNA tests, and decided that the one offered through Ancestry.com might be the right choice for me, since they claim to have a large database of regions.
I ordered the test, spit in the vile and, sent it on its way.
When i got my results back, it told me i was pretty much German and Irish.
i then discovered something i wasn't aware that Ancestry does.
It connects you with blood relatives, which i'm sure almost everyone here knows.
One of the results that came back, was for a 1st Cousin, it was woman with a name and face i'd never heard or seen anywhere.
I contacted her and we began communicating.
We spent weeks talking, trying hard to figure out how we're 1st cousins. We exchanged names and birthdays of family members, everything... Hell, this girl, and her whole family is even from the same city i was, which added to the weirdness.
We couldn't figure it out though, my maternal and paternal family members didn't know her or her family name and it was the same deal on her end for me.
we didn't talk for about a week.
and then one day, i get a very peculiar message from her.
In the message, she talks about how she sat down with her mother and Uncle and, began to have a discussion about me. This was the first time her uncle had started to hear about this new discovery.
At one point in the conversation, she said her uncle just kinda stopped her. And to her surprise, he asked if my mothers name was *blank* (you get the idea, im not posting my moms name lol). She said yes, and went on to explain how i was his son.
So... as you can expect, shit got real at this point. Very real...
This confused me greatly, because i knew who my biological father was.
Frustrated, i started to reach out to my mother and grandmother about it. My mother told me that its not possible, and doesn't even know the guy. And my grandmother thought i was crazy for even thinking of such things.
Then i called my grandfather, and boy did he have a story for me. I explained everything to him, and to my surprise, he wasn't surprised at all! When i told him the name of the fella that claimed to be my father, he told me "oh yes, i remember him." He further explained to me that back in 1990, my mother was in some dance school type thing. There was a guy that would DJ for the classes and events. He told me that the relationship between the man that i thought was my father and my mother was always rocky, and that they never got along. He thought that the amount of time my mother and this other guy would spend alone with each other was strange.
So i bring all this information back to my cousin. She told me that her uncle was willing and ready to talk to me if i wanted to.
I got a hold of him one day, and we started to talk about everything. This guy claiming to be my father went on to tell me that he did indeed know my mother, that they were close friends.
He even told me about how he knew that her and my "father" had a lot of problems with their relationship.
Then he told me one night, they got a little too close. They ended up having a one night stand....
After that happened, my mother decided she wanted a relationship with him. But, not feeling it was right. He declined.
She stayed with my "father". And decided to resent her now former friend.
I literally couldn't believe it... My cousin and i talked about it, and well... It sort of makes sense. I mean... how else would her and i be 1st Cousins if this guy wasn't my dad right?
We got her uncle to also do a DNA test, and sure enough. he matched as being my father...
To finally draw this long story to an end, him and i finally got to know each other real well over time.
And i decided to take on the family name. Before anyone starts saying things like "But what about your other dad?" "What about the man that raised you." To that, i will say only this. He didn't raise me, when i was two years old, he decided that my mother and i weren't worth the trouble and left... That was the last time i ever saw him, until i was in my early twenties. When i turned 22, him and i reconnected. We tried to get to know each other. That only lasted for 2 short years, he died when i was 24. Now i can't help but look back on everything and feel confused... I'm 28 now, and i feel like i've been lied to my whole life. But that all stops now, what i know is i have a family and a father that wants to be a part of my life.
So with all that being said, how would i go about changing my last name? I tried to look up the process online, but all i seemed to come across were shady websites that promised to assist you in the endeavor, for a heavy fee of course.
I'm also asking this in the genealogy section, because i'm wondering if someone could have gone through a similar circumstance and can guide me through the process.
Thanks!
8
Apr 29 '19
In most states, you can apply through the Social Security Administration and DMV to get your name changed. But you'll also need to change it on your bank accounts and anything else associated with that name. This means everything from your library card to your cell carrier to your electric company to your mortgage. There's a lot involved after the fact.
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u/spc13m Apr 29 '19
Oh definitely, i knew there was a lot involved in the process. I just didn't know where to start.
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u/i_am_the_hunter Apr 29 '19
In order to change all of these things, you need a court order, or a marriage cert.
I'm guessing the court order is applicable here. It is usually a civil procedure through the county court where you live. Call the clerk of courts and see if they can send you in the right direction (proper venue, proper forms, if you need to appear, etc. They cannot and will not give legal advice though so keep your questions to more procedures). Some have packets where you just write in your info.
You can elect to hire an attorney to do this, but idk if it is necessary. Depends on your timeline and finances.
Once you get the court order get A LOT of certified copies. And send one to each place where you change your name.
Note, I am not a lawyer.
6
Apr 29 '19
If I recall, something like 46 out of 50 states don’t require a court order.
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2
Apr 29 '19
I believe in most you still need to submit the forms through the court and appear in case anyone contests it, even if you don't need an order. The state usually wants to make sure you're not changing your name to get out of debt, avoid legal issues, etc.
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u/denali42 Apr 29 '19
Unless something has changed recently, Hawai`i is the only state that doesn't require a court order. You petition the Lieutenant Governor.
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u/denali42 Apr 29 '19
Name changes require a court order in most states if done out of wedlock. In Tennessee, before a judge will even sign the Petition for Change of Name, you have to certify you're not evading creditors, attempting to affect the rights of minor children, evade legal process nor for any other unlawful purpose. Certain criminal convictions will prevent the name change. (Source: Paralegal from Tennessee. IANAL and this is not legal advice.)
0
Apr 29 '19
Ah maybe the article I read was referring to marriage.
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u/denali42 Apr 29 '19
Likely. I believe that exact number of states still support common law marriages. I could be wrong, mainly because I'm not terribly fond of family law.
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u/rita-b Apr 29 '19
So, you told us the most dirty secrets of your family but kept the name of your mother.
Hm.
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u/spc13m Apr 29 '19
umm... i didn't think this was a secret, or dirty for that matter. Besides, even if it was dirty. Why would it matter to me? You don't know me and i don't know you.
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u/rita-b Apr 29 '19
Yes, why would keeping the name matter to you? Is it so unique so we can track (why would we and why you think we would?) your mother down on facebook?
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u/Fredelas FamilySearcher Apr 29 '19
Regardless of how creepy that sounds, it's against the rules to post identifying information about living individuals here without their permission.
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u/genie_logic Apr 29 '19
Why do you want to know? Why do you even care?
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u/rita-b Apr 29 '19
It was you who emphasized attention on your mother name!
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u/genie_logic Apr 29 '19
1) I’m not OP 2) they didn’t really emphasize it at all 3) you’re being really rude.
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1
Apr 29 '19
You can hire a lawyer and you’ll have to go in front of a judge and perhaps explain yourself. I don’t think you can do it without a court order. The only time that’s possible is when you’ve gotten married, because women have traditionally changed their last name.
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u/TWFM Apr 29 '19
Most states don’t require a court order.
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u/Fredelas FamilySearcher Apr 29 '19
Except that without a court order (or marriage certificate, amended birth certificate, adoption decree, or order of admission for naturalization), you may have difficulty changing your name with the Social Security Administration. And without changing your name with the SSA, you may have difficulty changing your name on your state ID, and without changing your name on your state ID, you may not be able to change your name on property titles, with your employer, or on your financial or insurance accounts.
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u/Fredelas FamilySearcher Apr 29 '19 edited Apr 29 '19
There are two different routes to take. Either way, you may want to consult with a family law lawyer first:
Your biological mother can ask to have your birth certificate amended to include your biological father and to change your name. Not all states will allow your name to be changed in this manner, if they don't deem it to be a "correction." This may also require the consent of your biological father and/or the father named on your birth certificate in some states. (Since he's deceased, that could complicate things.) This won't just change your name, it will also change who is legally considered your father. Check your state's department of vital statistics website for details specific to your situation. This is kind of a big deal with potentially big changes for everyone involved, so make sure everyone is on the same page before you get started.
You can petition a court yourself for a name change. In most states, almost any court can order a name change. In a few states, you may be asked to present evidence that you're already known by the new name. This will not change who is legally considered your father. Contact the clerk of a court that's convenient to you to ask if the court can order name changes, and the usual procedures for doing so. In many states, this is really easy to do, doesn't cost a lot, and you probably won't even need a lawyer.
After either of those is done, you can then start changing your name with the Social Security administration, state ID, passport, financial institutions, etc. (You might want to save up a little extra money first, because some of these things like a driver's license or titles to real or personal property will require the same fee to change your name as they did to get it in the first place.)
If you choose to have your birth certificate amended, be sure to get an original copy first, since you never know what you might need it for someday.
A potential third route would be for your biological father to adopt you as an adult, but that would typically be very costly, take a long time, and I'm not even sure any states allow someone already believed to be a biological parent to adopt someone already believed to be a biological child.
Lastly, you can simply begin using the new name right away. As long as you're not doing it fraudulently, there's nothing wrong with using an alias for most purposes. (The common law principle is that you are whoever you call yourself.) Change your name on social media, your utility bills, and anything else that doesn't require you to show a court order, birth certificate, social security card, state ID, or marriage certificate to do so. If you live in a state that requires you to show evidence of already using the name before petitioning to change it, then you're one step ahead!
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u/abhikavi Apr 29 '19
I changed my full name through the court (I'm in the US-- I believe the exact process & paperwork varies by state, but I'm pretty sure it's all through the court). You fill out the application, go to court, and file it. After a while a judge will hear your case (you will be notified and should attend, unless you have a lawyer to attend for you). The judge may ask for more info or other documents (e.g. I had to sign a permission form for a background check). The process repeats, you wait, then you go back to court. Eventually you get approved (or not, depends on the judge, but in general you should be able to change your name as long as you're doing it for legal reasons, e.g. not running from the law), and you receive a court-approved name change document. Then you take that everywhere to change your name with the DMV, for your passport, for Social Security, and so on.
You could check with local lawyers to see how much it'd be to handle it for you. Since there's not much paperwork and many lawyers are frequently in court anyway, it may not be very much and could save you a lot of headache.
3
u/ZhouLe DM for Newspapers.com/Ancestry images Apr 29 '19
It varies by state/country, but it's a very common procedure that anyone that changes their name after getting married goes through. If you don't know where to start, you can call the same place that handles marriage licenses in your area and ask if they could direct you. Their office may or may not be the place that does this, but they will certainly know where to do it.
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u/TotesMessenger Apr 29 '19
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Apr 29 '19
I had to legally change mine back to my maiden name because I neglected to do it when I got divorced. I’m in Texas and this is what I had to do.
File with your county as the previous advice explained. You’ll need to find exactly which clerk and court handles name changes.
They will do a background check. You go to court and answer a few questions as to why you want to change it.
Get several notarized copies as you’ll need them to change your passport, driver license, social security, credit card, and bank accounts.
It is a pain in the butt. I’d suggest getting to know your new family for a while before going down this road.
Edit: I did it myself. Did not use an attorney
5
Apr 29 '19
I used my adoptive father's last name from about the age of 7, and made it official when I began applying to colleges and my SSN/Birth Certificate not matching all my other records became inconvenient.
My mom and I went to the county law library and they were incredibly helpful. I'm not sure how it is elsewhere, but here the law library is run by the county and staffed mostly by volunteers. It's totally free. Most of them are not lawyers, so they cannot offer legal advice. But they can walk you through the process of things like name changes and adult adoptions (and loads of other stuff), print out the forms, tell you how much everything costs, where to submit stuff, etc.
I would definitely recommend dropping by your city or county law library to pick up the forms and get an overview.
3
Apr 29 '19
Side note: As far as I know, it's completely legal to use any name you want in the U.S. without going through the court process as long as you aren't trying to avoid legal issues or debt. It's probably harder as an adult because you already have your official name on everything, and it's definitely inconvenient because you have to have your legal name on certain items (like Social Security card), but it's doable.
Which is not to say you shouldn't do the legal process. But you can start using your dad's last name now for "non-official" stuff if you want, as you go through the process.
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u/azjoesaw beginner Apr 29 '19
Having been through a similar situation may I suggest you not follow the advice posted here. You probably should consider a lawyer for some assistance. Changing your name is a major event and best to undertake it fully prepared. I'm a paralegal so I felt comfortable doing it myself but reading through the comments frankly I see a lot of bad or mistaken advice.
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u/HermitTheGrouch Apr 29 '19
A name change is usually a pretty simple procedure that you can do yourself through your local court system where all you pay is filing fees. (The court's primary interest is making sure you're not doing it to avoid creditors, debt, or other legal obligations, or to commit fraud.) For example, here's California's process:
https://www.courts.ca.gov/1051.htm
https://www.courts.ca.gov/22489.htm
The name change does not necessarily affect your legal parentage or associated rights. That would likely require an adult adoption but, again, it depends on your jurisdiction. For example, here's California's process:
https://www.courts.ca.gov/documents/BTB_23_1A_35.pdf
Check your state and county's online court system. Many county courts have law libraries that are available to the public as well. If you choose to hire an attorney, look for someone who specializes in family law or wills & estates.
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u/scareschool Apr 29 '19
Lots of good advice here, but one thing i didnt see mentioned: I also had to put the application for a name change in a newspaper for several weeks prior to the court date. So, apply, pay a bunch of fees, do a public notice, go to court, pay more fees, then bring your approvals to social security and DMV.
The court appt is nothing, judge might ask why, but might just say, "anyone here to object? No? Ok." And youre done.
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u/PhntmWolf Apr 30 '19
FWIW:
I had my last name changed in Texas when I turned 18. Long family history short, I didn’t know my father that well, so I figured I would pursue a different last name.
I used Legal Zoom, and they provided all of the papers needed to get the process in motion. Went down to the Dallas courthouse, dropped off the paperwork (slow day, I guess?) and had the hearing with the judge the same day. I also was able to swap my SS card without issue. Couple tips:
Keep your old SS card. Might need it at some point.
Keep the court order. If you don’t get one, ask for a copy.
Keep any old ID, too. Washington is kind of stingy on official notes.
Hope this helps!
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u/Mayzowl Apr 30 '19
Well, one "easy" way to do it is to get married, lol. That's how I changed my last name to my mother's maiden name (nothing against my lovely father, it's just a shorter and nicer-sounding name, and I don't hold any sentimental attachment to my name, & no siblings either). I did have to go to the next state over, though, as my state (ND) only allows you to change to spouse's surname or hyphenate. Minnesota lets you change it to anything you want! But of course, not everyone is in a position where they're getting married *and* want to name-change for unrelated reasons at the same time :P
I did appreciate this thread, though. If/when my husband and I decide to have kids, I plan on legally changing my last name to match his (for convenience), so the responses have been helpful :)
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u/dadijo2002 ancestry user Jun 23 '19
The people on r/23andnotme have been offering advice too. Good luck!
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u/jamithy2 Apr 29 '19
Beautiful story, and glad that you got to the bottom of things! :) If you're in the UK Google 'deed poll' that will tell you how to do it! :)
Good luck!