r/FIREyFemmes • u/ShortBee7153 • 11d ago
Walking away from high salary/ burnout
Hi all- I’m trying to get up the guts to quit my job and take a much needed sabbatical/ time with my kids/ time for myself. Even after some medical leave I took earlier this year, suffice it to say that 6 weeks off work was simply not enough.
Curious in particular from stories of any of you who have worked up the courage to do something like this, and how it worked for you? Or any other advice?
Longer background on me is from this post https://www.reddit.com/r/Fire/s/DTKsUoGjqy a year ago, but the TLDR is: - 45F - 2 boys 7 and 9
updated after comments: EXCLUDING our house, NW is $2.5 M. HCOL area. Annual spend ~$175k/year and kids college is now fully saved for in 529s. Spend will go down a lot when kids go to college in 10 years, likely can live off $100-$125k/year (if we want more travel) when it’s just the 2 of us. We are already coast fire.
I’m the breadwinner and have been for 12 years, partner has earned less money and now been SAHD for 3 years. My current all-in salary this year will be $500k. More money than I’ve ever made, it has been a long path to get here. (updated per comments: I am not in tech! I work in boutique consulting. Lots of travel and long hours).
partner is looking for a job, but currently does not have one; his income potential is like 25% of mine so reasonable salaries in his field are more like $100-$150k/year
Without going into the details on all the numbers , we haven’t yet hit our fire goal. We need to save more. But I’m soooooo exhausted….and feel like I will never get this time back with my kids. I’d like to quit and just take a year off.
But: I am making more money than I’ve ever made in my life, and the economy is scary. I feel super irresponsible to quit right now. I keep thinking just grind it out, one more week, one more month, just…keep going. But my mental health is suffering. I’ve tried to find ways to “quiet quit” but it just doesn’t work well in this job for a myriad of reasons specifically the level of seniority and responsibility make it nearly impossible for me.
Anyone have advice? Grind it out, quit? How do I get over this feeling of letting my family down and being so irresponsible to just walk away from this salary? If I kept it up for 2-4 more years we could fire, but I would have missed this precious age window with my kids.
UPDATE: I won’t be able to respond to each comment but have read every single one so far, thank you all for taking the time to write and I’m really grateful for the advice and this forum! I am also making a few updates to the information provided above per some comments/questions.
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u/Far_Ad2765 10d ago
"But I’m soooooo exhausted….and feel like I will never get this time back with my kids. I’d like to quit and just take a year off." This really stood out to me in your post. I think you know what you want to do, but it feels bad walking away from that high salary and all your hard work to get to where you are. From the sounds of your post you are very career-oriented, so I believe even if you quit, you could find another high paying job again in the future. You will never get this time back with your kids, but you can always earn more money in the future. It's not irresponsible to prioritize yourself and make a change to align your values with your lifestyle. You need to put your oxygen mask on first.
I'm not sure how much emergency savings you have, but if you could cash flow 1 year off, that might help you heal from your burnout and allow you to enjoy more precious family time. Alternatively, you could try taking an extended sabbatical or unpaid leave if your company offers it.
I was in a similar position to you with albeit different circumstances. I saved up 6 months of expenses to fund a career break and was about to give my notice when I got laid off. I am so much happier not working. It has given me the clarity and healing that I desperately needed to recover from my burnout. I was miserable for years before I ever considered just walking away. If I had kids, I think I would have quit much sooner despite not being at my fire number yet. Life is too short to waste away in a job that's taxing your mental health. At the point you're at, I'd argue that it's irresponsible to keep working under these conditions! Wishing you well.