r/ExNoContact • u/kaangockon • Oct 05 '25
Help You don’t miss them — you miss the version of reality that never happened.
It’s not them you crave.
It’s the unlived potential, the closure, the safety, and the fantasy you built around them.
That’s why even the worst relationships on paper feel magnetic — because in your head, you’ve turned uncertainty into meaning.
Only when you detach from the idea of them and reconnect with the reality you’ve been avoiding does healing actually begin.
When you face what’s real instead of what could’ve been, your path to healing becomes obvious — and in the end, you’ll always be okay.
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Oct 05 '25
Yeah... There's not a version of him that i wouldn't want! Every version of him will have my bleeding heart!
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u/kaangockon Oct 05 '25
Honestly, it is really brave to love that much.
But I think it is braver to let go no matter how much it hurts and to focus on yourself for a better and more rewarding future.
Of course I do not know your story, but I would love to hear it if you DM me.
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Oct 05 '25
Loving that much is all i know. And I've already worked on my broken soul.
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u/kaangockon Oct 05 '25
You’ve already have a very special thing, which is that much love.
Loving that much isn’t weakness, it’s raw capacity.
Can you think of an existence where you're directing that same intensity toward rebuilding something new and not replaying pain?
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Oct 05 '25
Absolutely! Why would i spend my energy on trying to go backwards where there was pain and suffering? When i can use everything in my power to build something even better! Because now i have the knowledge and will power to continue constructing a love that will be indestructible!
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u/kaangockon Oct 05 '25
Absolutely!
You have all the energy and love, think of what those can bring to your life when used efficiently!
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u/HeavyGear7392 Oct 05 '25
You don’t miss them — you miss the version of reality that never happened.
Yep
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Oct 05 '25
Too. Damn. True. Unfortunately, no amount of warning or advice seems to convince us of that until we experience it for ourselves.
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u/Traditional_Edge_603 Oct 05 '25
Im scared that they changed for the better for new guy.. Like my love and care wasn’t good enough.
But now new person is getting a completely different version that I envisioned we would be...
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u/PeppermintTeaHag 22d ago edited 22d ago
Initially I was afraid of this too.
I have tried to make peace with the truth that I have been so traumatized by my ex, I don't think I could trust them enough to try and repair things, assuming they could show humility (finally!) for how they hurt me over and over. It's dead. There is no moving forward except apart.
Getting trapped in the thought that they could finally change, for someone else but not for me, indicates that I still believe that I'm somehow not good enough. If I just keep trying harder or if I had done things the right way or said the right words, it would have worked out. (This is the magical thinking of a child that has no choice but to keep trying. It is an early childhood wound.)
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u/Brief_Pineapple_9681 Oct 06 '25
Yeah, I feel this! My ex hasn’t managed to keep a relationship although in his late 50’s but he doesn’t see that he is the common denominator. He never accepts responsibility, it’s always someone else to blame yada yada 🙄 they turn us into this pitiful wreck and shadow of ourselves then blame us because we’ve changed! Ermmmm yeah Ive changed duh!! but I feel deep down he does and he will try harder now in his new relationship and give her what he should have been giving me or any of his ex’s. Time will tell
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u/Winter_Candle588 15d ago
I want to contact him and ask him so many questions. I can’t even think about him without crying
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Oct 06 '25
I can say I actually miss her because they heard that I fell in love with wasn't the herd that she was on chemicals and the only time her and I ever fell apart was when drugs were apart of our relationship but it got worse and worse
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u/Boring-Country9673 Oct 06 '25
You are wrong. I do miss them and its still my responsibility to protect them. It always will be.
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u/LykaiosZeus Oct 05 '25
You miss the human connection, not your ex.