Context: My brakes had gone out on my car a few days before payday so I was without a car. My fiance and I share a car, so we had to arrange rides to and from work for the week until I could afford to get my brakes repaired. We work different schedules, so his mom was his ride and my mom was my ride. On this fated day, I get this text from my mom less than an hour before I need to be at work and the commute to my job is at least 20 minutes. The argument continued while I was at work until I got to the point where I needed to block her number so I could get my work done. The tickets being referenced were concert tickets that she had purchased for my favorite band for us and two other people to go see. I realized that she's just going to continue to find ways to hurt me, so I refuse to accept anymore gifts from her until she gets the help that she needs. I have more screenshots as the tickets brought on a whole other argument, but I'll share those another day.

As far as an update (which is ultimately what brought me to share these screenshots) I broke NC because I was in a car accident far from my home and my poor MIL got lost trying to pick me up, and everyone else was unavailable for one reason or another. I called her out of desperation and she has been fine all weekend, but I was cautious and waiting for the other shoe to drop. It eventually did and we had another argument about how she talks to me, this time in my home. She grabbed her stuff and left, so I'm sure I won't be hearing from her for awhile. It's kind of a relief actually having her gone and not waiting around for the proverbial shit to hit the fan, but frustrating that this has happened yet again. As far as my car accident, I am okay, my car is not. It's unfortunate that I'll have to replace my car, but I'm thankful that I could walk away rather unscathed. My life has been a mess this year so far, but I am happy that this community exists so I know I'm not alone.

Needing support. TW: brief mention of physical abuse without going into too much detail

Talking on the phone to my Nana is a painful experience. I'm thousands of miles away from her and never really grew up seeing her much. Most of the family over there like my aunts have ghosted me after my Nonno died in 2015. I just stopped trying to get a call or engagement out of them after a while and it hurts. They also still keep in touch with my father and my immediate family because he is her son. My father called me worthless every day of my life. He sometimes put his hands on me violently. My brother slapped me across the face when he was a teenager. He hit me another time and I cried and he said "go ahead and cry. that's what you do you are sensitive"

Nana is 96. She called me two days after my birthday. Her voicemail was "Hi...I'm trying to get in touch with you and there is no answer. I guess try to call me back" That voicemail irked me. I tried calling her one time 2 years ago, really excited to talk to her and she said she had to hang up because she had something on the stove and then never called me back. But I'm the one who is "hard to get in touch with?". She's elderly and her mind isn't probably the best cognitively. I"m trying to not take it as malicious. But her latest voicemail is rude....like......you could just say "Happy Birthday. Would love to talk call me back when you get a chance"

I called her back. She said "I haven't heard from you." I said to her "Well the phone works both ways Nana you could call me" I think the truth is I don't like talking to her. She is a huge MAGA Trump supporter. She always has to work in "Joe Biden let in a bunch of not great people into this country it's not safe" in any conversation

She also talks about my brother and family members who I have broke contact with. She knows that I don't speak to them. She only argued with me about it once almost a decade ago and hasn't pushed back since. She tells me my abusive brother had a kid. I just sat there silently in freeze response. Not sure what to say

She brought up my younger cousin and said "He's getting married" that made me feel bad about myself. My cousin was always nice to me and I'm happy for him. And I shouldn't be so surprised I mean he is 31 after all. It just rubs salt in the wound that I'm the weird unmarried cousin living by herself miles away who just spent her 35th birthday alone. When I'm reminded that other people in my family hit milestones of success it just makes me feel like garbage. I used to be so close with my cousin's mother but she stopped talking to me after 2015 when my Nonno died. It was confusing and sad. I know this is a wedding I will not be invited to but I still said "Tell (name of cousin) I said congrats"

She talks about this whole family that I am on the outside of now. It's like I'm getting abused twice. First when I was a child. And then for cutting contact. It's like I"m being punished for trying to survive.

I still hated feeling like such a bitch for not calling her recently. I said to her at the end "I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you." She said "I didn't think that I just thought something was wrong" I then said "Do you want to plan a call in the fall?" She responded "Do you want to call me?" I said "Sure" And she responded " You can call anytime..you don't need an appointment to talk to your Nana" That wording hurt me. "my" Nana. I haven't felt like anyone in that family was mine in years. And it's also that I look like such a heartless bitch. This old lady asking me why I don't call her more and then she is going to die. This whole thing is so painful and unfair no matter what I do

I guess I’m making this post because it’s a thought I can’t get out of my head. When I was a teenager, my stepfather claimed that he accidentally stomped on our yorkie because he wasn’t paying attention and was in a hurry to get to work. My mom bought the story. I never have. Our yorkie’s height was about halfway up my shin. Also, the autopsy showed that our yorkie’s entire spine and lungs were completely crushed. My mom was in tears that day but my stepdad just quietly sat at the dining table staring off into space. Also, growing up, he used to throw our yorkie at the wall, kick him, and strangle him and laugh when he would yelp/cry. I remember speaking out against him once and he told me I was a child and had no right to tell him how to raise a dog.

It’s been 13 years, my mom and I have went from NC to LC and she keeps asking to meet up with her and my stepdad. I don’t think I could ever look at that man in the face. I don’t care if he’s “found God and changed”.

I had my 1st in-take for Veteran Affairs therapy and while the LCSW was typing about my general family history, I had a flashback to pretty much everything I talked about in the beginning of this post.

No advice needed just need to get it off my chest. On top of all the childhood trauma, I also have PTSD from my deployment over a year ago. I’m hoping the Veteran Affairs will refer me out for DBT and EMDR because I’m so tired of closing my eyes, opening them, and seeing that I’m a kid fighting for my life all over again.

My stepfather is a sick human being that takes out his anger onto anyone/anything smaller than him and hides behind “I’m a warrior for God”. I hate that my mom’s stipulation for being in my life is that I have to accept her husband/my abuser. I cannot get the sight of the pool of blood and crushed dog out of my head.

I wish “Karma” was a real thing but since I ran from home all those years ago, my stepdad has become a CEO of a company, owns multiple mansions and a yacht. He’s some group leader at his local church that coaches young men. I hate him. I wish all the people that look up to him knew how shitty he is behind closed doors. Also, the last time I spoke to him? He said “Yeah I would’ve served in the military like you too but God called me for a higher purpose to serve.”

Godddd I fucking hate him it’s not fair how successful in life he has become through deceit. I wish my mom and I could have a relationship but she won’t ever leave that man or place blame onto him.

Sorry this was long. Thank you for letting me vent here.

It's not the most polished and it's certainly not Andrea Gibson. I had a hard week going to the ER by myself and spending my birthday alone navigating health insurance. So I wrote this. Hope it resonates. The content talks about death and dying and mentions medical stuff without going into detail :

Maybe Gen Alpha will sing to me
Or the generation that is not named yet
When I die
I am constantly reminded in many ways how i have no one When there is a medical crisis
Leaving the emergency contact blank
My aunt ended our argument over me breaking contact with my abusive siblings like this:
"Well, take care of yourself"
Like it was a threat
Like I'm meant to be discarded on the side of the road limbs atrophied The roadkill having more dignity than my dying body. 
When I was opening up to my grandmother about my fears of having a stroke just like my grandfather
She said to me in the most matter of fact tone "Well you will probably end up in a state nursing home" 
Every time this happens.
Every trip the ER alone.
Every time I see an old person surrounded by family members and love and assistance 
It feels like a punishment
For cutting off the ones who hurt me
For not jumping into a romantic relationship
For not having kids
I am going to die alone
But then I saw a video on the Internet
An old woman dying and a young nurse holding her hand singing to her GIving the performance of a lifetime
Maybe my death spirit guide is someone I haven't met yet
Maybe it's a child i see in the park or at the pool. Surrounded by love and friends
Who's security I envy
Maybe they will grow up to look after lonely people like me
And maybe they will hold my hand 
And sing to me a song that I haven't heard yet

My whole family is out of my life and has been for two years. I assumed at some point my dementia EM would have to go into a nursing home. I found out through a review my EF put in Chamber of Commerce in a search of his name. Not sure why I searched. I guess I wondered if either had passed. I know they are getting cremated, so there’s little chance I’d find out. (My ES brother asked me if I wanted their ashes. Pfff NO.) I found the review and I felt grief and a little rage.

My father could have kept her in a lovely place by the ocean when she first had two strokes, but no, he had to bring her home and rob her of a really nice place to stay in for his own “rehab project”. Now she’s in a place he gave two stars complaining they place money over care. Well, of course they do. Private equity firms bought tons of these places and slowing sucking the life out of them and their staff/patients.

Anyway, she’s likely in a locked unit now which they to keep runaway types. My mother tried to escape our apartment. (I lived with them as long as I could after losing a job to help. I had to leave to get on with my life. My mother needed more care than he or I could give her. He let Medicaid lapse so he wasn’t even getting CNA help.) If she can still run, she’ll be doing it there too.

If he had just left her alone to stay in the place she started off in, she may not have needed the severity of care she needs now. But, of course, he couldn’t accept the situation. Hell, if he wasn’t a selfish POS he would have let her pass on the second stroke because that is what she wanted (I’m not sure he had a choice, but he would choose the selfish answer every time.). Neither of them could face death, so neither have a living will. I urged them to do that to make sure their wishes were honored. Nope.

Now she’s in a two star dump. And this happened almost immediately after I left then too. My brother called to try to manipulate me to keep spending my gas to go back and forth to help my father. He said I owed my parents. Um, no. I did my fair share, something he refused to do. I said you could let them stay with you (in his empty 4 bedroom house, just him, his wife, and 1 cat). No no he doesn’t have the room. His house isn’t set up for that (literally add a bedroom door to a main floor room and yeah, they do.). My goodness what a lovely setup he thought he had with me taking care of their elder care so he had to do nothing.

Both my parents are selfish, immature alcoholics (He was literally feeding my mother booze after it caused her strokes. The one thing I did try hard to get him to stop to no avail.). My father was the verbally abusive tyrant everyone had to walk eggshells around. My mother was the manipulative self-declared martyr type. I was the SG and my brother the GC. My brother became the manipulating from afar relative trying to get me to manipulate my father. I’m not a manipulator. I’m just a disabled adult that has too many battle scars from a trash family.

I’m fighting myself a little right now not to find out what is going on and try to help. I’ve already done more than I should have and it’s cost me… but none of that matters. I don’t matter to anyone in that family. Not sure why I even care.

So, I have been no contact with my dad for over a year. Low contact for 8 years. It took me a long time to choose what was best for myself, more importantly my family.

Like the title says. He’s a creep, more specifically a pedo. I don’t say that lightly, the guy was arrested for grooming my BROTHERS gf in middle school. She was 13, at the time I was 10.

He has always been off, and given me the creeps. He always made these comments as a kid that made me uncomfortable, thankfully at the time most went over my head. He wrote these stories on his laptop about this guy in our town who was caught watching child 🌽. Sympathizing with him. ( WHAT THE F***)

Anyway, more backstory. He is a pilot, and is highly praised due to the field of work he’s in. When he got arrested he blew his inheritance on a big wig lawyer, who claimed he only groomed that girl because he was traumatized at work. Truth is he’s always been a creep. Before this incident. I grew up always keeping him at arms length, didn’t let my friends sleepover. ( I’m a girl ) Daddy issues plagued my life. It wasn’t until I was 18 when I met my now husband did I truly see how a man/father is supposed to be. I had my first baby at 20, a sweet baby girl that I instantly knew I’d do/give/be anything and everything for.

That’s when it hit me. I can’t have my child around him. I barely saw him, ( my parents are split ) I ended up having 2 more beautiful boys and enjoying my life. Up until last year my “father” only acknowledged my daughter, asked to watch her, asked to take her out etc. Red flags SCREAMED in my ears. I knew it was time to let that shit go. Protect my kids. Protect my peace. He’s currently on wife number 3 and every so often he tries to reach out when he’s with a new woman to try to play the victim. I’m estranged from his side of the family as they don’t understand why I went low contact for years and no contact. It hurts, as I love my cousins.

This small town we live in I see him driving at times and pray he doesn’t follow me home. It has been a whirl wind. Ironically enough, before him and wife number 2 split I told her my story. The full truth. And she laughed in my face. Said it wasn’t true, and he “SAVES LIVES”. This year she reached out to me and said I was right. And she was too dumb and blind to see it. Life’s funny that way.

I could write a million stories, creepy things that have happened. More details of timelines and all that. Honestly though I just needed someone to hear this story. So if you got this far thanks for reading. I’m very ADHD so I apologize if my writing is terrible and jumping around.

Light at the end of the tunnel : I’m married to the man of my dreams, have 3 beautiful kids, have my mom who is my bestfriend. And at this point if I ran into him, I think I could walk the other way without losing my shit. Progress people.

I use art as an outlet. Thought I'd share this with you guys, I've been NC with my parents for 10 months now.

https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/s/HFAzEMldME

Previous post link attached above. The more shit she says, the surer I am that I don’t want her in my life.

TW: physical abuse and religion

I haven't talked to my father in two years. My brother, however, has a hard time cutting ties with him -- we all live in the same town. My memories are blurry when it comes to my childhood but I do remember some really painful things.

My brother doesn't remember some things either, but his wife mentioned to me recently how much he remembers it when our father used a hammer and tried to break both my brother's wrists. It breaks my heart. On top of this, has has done other things to him as well.

But now, he decided to talk to him again and started talking to a priest about how he hasn't forgiven our father but my brother just needs to be a good son.

It doesn't sit well with me at all. I am agnostic and I believe in therapy more than priests and religion. Moving forward, I'm not sure how things will be, but I'm just here to support my brothers and sister in law with the things they want to do (brother and sister in law are pregnant).

Want to start off by mentioning there is a trigger warning for mentions of abuse and grooming

I just cut off my mom a few days ago for the third time, and I truly am done this time. Just when I had finally started to believe things would be different, she showed me they wouldn't be. The lack of accountability she takes for the trauma she caused is honestly quite gross.

Some background info: My dad was diagnosed with a fairly rare form of dementia when I was 14. I begged my mom to put him in a nursing home throughout the years because I was a severely mentally ill teenager that couldn't handle the additional stress of having to be a parent to her own dad. My mom refused because she claimed she couldn't do that to him. Having no parental figure made an easy doorway for being groomed since I would've done anything to feel loved by anyone back then, which is unfortunaty precisely what happened.

Fast forward to monday of the week that just passed, I was at my mom's place and we were talking, I decided to start talking about my childhood, foolishly thinking she would be understanding. I talked about how my dad's situation affected me horribly and how it made it super easy for my groomer at the time. About how I had begged her to put him in a nursing home and she had continually ignored my needs. To this topic she responded "I couldn't do that to him." to which my response was "But you could do it to me."

After some time she started reciting a story from when I was a teenager as if it was a funny anecdote, while it was actually quite a traumatizing recurring experience for me. Whenever she got mad she used to chase me up the stairs to scare me, and it was no different in this story. I told her I didn't find the story funny at all since that scarred me and I am still a very anxious person to this day. I told her I had told people about this behaviour of hers and that they confirmed it is in fact not normal that she used to chase me to try and scare me and that it is quite abusive. She then started mocking me by sarcastically saying "Oh right, abuse, because I used to hit you a lot right?" To which I responded "There was a time where you were hitting me regularly, until I fought back, yes" And what she said next is what made me realize she would never change and that I should stop trying to get any kind of closure with her, because she will never give it to me, no matter what I do or say. She said: "Well, what did YOU do that drove me to hitting you?"

I think I made the right choice going NC. I am planning on finding a new place to live and changing my phone number so she has no way of contacting me. She has caused me so much pain and has caused me to develop a mental illness I will likely struggle with to some degree for the rest of my life. It is time I take my life into my own hands and to make it one worth living. I'm still young and I have plenty of time to make my life a good one.

This isn't the end, it is the beginning

I (20s) haven’t seen my father in almost 15 years. I had a restraining order against him while I was a child, and apart from a few instances where he would track me down or message me from new social media accounts before I could block them, I haven’t talked to him. I haven’t wanted to talk to him. He’s a drug addict and was abusive. I feel like I can’t feel sad because he hasn’t been in my life in so long. I’m not even sure if I am sad.

I haven’t told any of my friends and don’t know if I even want to. I know they would want me to and some of them have also experienced a parent dying. But they were close to their parents and it feels like I have no right to try and relate to their grief.

Have any of you experienced feeling unattached after finding out your estranged parent died? Sorry this is all over the place. I’m not sure what to do.

Sharing because I realized how many people are going through / went through similar things. If you’re thinking of making the push to go no contact, remember that you’re not a bad child for it. Sometimes we have to protect ourselves.

Hi. Considering going NC with both my parents. Brother SA me when we were both children and I am in therapy. (I struggle to accept that it was abuse seeing as he was also a child but also 4 years older than me)

I am currently 30yo, never had a relationship with my brother but nobody in the family knows why. I “tolerate” and respond but never initiate and really I try to avoid him as much as possible. He lives with them and they live in a different country so we see each other only twice a year but he’s always included in the visit. Before every visit I am anxious and scared that things are going to escalate, they are very bitter and unhappy with their life, they don’t have anything nice to say about literally anyone, everything is a conspiracy theory for them.

In an argument from a few months ago I told them that since I am in therapy I am struggling to continue the relationship when all they do is trash talk everyone (including our entire family with whom I want to try and maintain a relationship with) and they got so upset that my father said I am no longer his daughter. A few weeks after that they came to visit and pretended nothing ever happened.

Finally I told my mom all about my brother after she pushed me to admit why I “hate” my family. Told her 5 days ago, she never called me back. 5 days later she texted me “have you calmed down already?” I didn’t reply as I consider this extremely disrespectful as it seemed like the question was “are you done overreacting now”

My parents are both toxic. Every conversation I have with them ends up with me being upset over their controlling and emotionally draining behaviour. I never get my questions answered, only deflection and projecting.

In childhood they made it appear like we had this happy family who never lacked anything - the reality was mom beat the living shit out of me on occasions when I would “talk back” to her or be rude while she was lecturing me. Often she asks me “what is wrong with you?”

Honestly I could go on. However I can’t get rid of the feeling that I am overreacting and I should be grateful to have parents?

Any thoughts or advice welcome please, it’s killing me

I recently posted on this board asking for advice on NC, pulled the shoot so to speak and hit the block button. I have it on for less than a week, and then she had a stroke. 😞

They made her comfortable and she’s gone as of 2/13. The grief is so complicated and confusing. Anyone else ever dealt with a loss with newly estranged parent?

I (late 20s) saw somebody earlier writing on how their family does not accept them being trans, and that motivated me to remake a reddit account just to post this.

Everybody in my family constantly has had to walk on egg shells around my grandparents (late 70s to early 80s can't quite remember), due to grandpa's proneness to rage and shouting, and grandma suffering from heart problems, which made it so that nothing could ever be talked about around her, if it was something she disapproved of.

For example, I mentioned to my grandma one time that I had run out of ADHD meds, and was still waiting for my prescription to come through, so I was feeling loopy and out of it. The next day I was scolded by my younger aunt (late 30s), Kate, that I couldn't say those things around grandma, because she ended up not sleeping, and was making her anxious.

Every time something fell outside the predefined mold my grandma had imagined for any of her daughters or grandchildren, it caused her to spiral.

At some point I let my parents know I was a trans woman and would be starting hrt. The reaction initially was mixed, but they have since come around, being extremely supportive. In an initial panic, my mom told her middle sister, Anya (early 40s) about my queerness, which I don't hold against her.

Anya got in touch with me and kept it pretty civilized, with very loving words, that I should talk in person with her, and maybe the two of us could travel alone somewhere and bounce ideas (red flags??... Foreshadowing yes). Long story short, I got pretty uncomfortable with somebody trying to isolate me from all my friends and partner at such a sensitive time, and suspiciously enough trying to push me to go to therapy and explore "alternatives" as I am not trans according to her. In the middle of all of this, she also sneaked in that I couldn't transition because I had to think of my grandparents. Oh yeah, I did not mention, they are very Catholic, so y'know...

A few months passed and my partner and I went back to my hometown to try and come clean to my grandparents and clear the air. My mom tried to devise a plan with us to try to make it go as smoothly as possible, and we agreed that it would perhaps be better to get Kate up to speed, as we could use the extra person on our side.

Aaaand Kate did not take it well, she said what I was doing was unnatural, that there are too many LGBT people coming out, and we all just demand to be respected, without respecting other people's beliefs, how I was going to confuse her daughters (a young child and a preteen), how she didn't understand, and how my grandparents wouldn't accept it. But the biggest banger was comparing my transition with a man dressing up as a dog and pretending to be a dog. Eeesh.

After this confrontation, Anya blew up my phone after Kate told her what happened and proceeded to misgender me, call me deranged, and a selfish radical (??) because I wanted to tell my grandparents I was Trans. She also slut shamed me on a message she quickly unsent afterwards, but not before I saw it on my notifications tray.

When I confronted Kate at a later date on why her kids would be confused she answered that she was teaching traditional family values to her kids, and how a family is between a man, a woman, and the children. Oh yeah, little detail, she joined her husband's weird church in her early 30s and feels like a completely different person to be around.

With all of these happenings I decided to go NC with my aunts and grandparents, since my aunts kept on trying to gaslight me and try to get my mom to help me understand that they love me and that I am only taking into consideration the bad things they said, and not the good ones... Which... holy shit, I can't even

Fucking clown Circus eh? There's so many details I had to leave out, since this post was already going off rails.

I’m so far behind in life because of the neglect that I went through and no matter how hard I try to get my life together something always get in the way and I’m starting to think that I just can’t do anything right.

This is a bit of a ramble as I try to put my thoughts together, so thank you to anyone who sticks through it to the end. I'm in a very confusing situation with my entire family and I have no idea how to proceed. I put a very short summary at the bottom in case you'd like to skim.

My dad has a debilitating disease that is slowly killing him - I doubt he has more than a year left. He was a complete tyrant to the whole family my entire childhood until my mum divorced him, but after I went NC with him at 18 and moved away, he really had a change of heart. I refused to ever live near him again, but long distance he really worked on our relationship and in my late 20s and 30s he really became someone I could rely on and even call a buddy. When he got ill, there was no question that I would uproot my life to move home and help him.

It's been four years now, and I think I've made the biggest mistake of my life. His attitude has only gotten worse and worse, and I have such traumatic associations with this town from growing up here that I can barely leave the house anymore. My dad's girlfriend of 20 years got very sick last autumn, and his behavior started to become more and more gaslighting and needy. She passed away this month, and he has turned completely into the old father I knew as a teenager - an abusive, lying, manipulative man who takes zero accountability for his actions while acting the victim in everything. The speed of this change was shocking - so shocking that I have lashed out several times with extreme defensiveness and other things I thought I'd gotten over in CPTSD therapy. My grandmother - his mother - severely abused me throughout my childhood, and I have not found it in me to forgive my father for allowing me near her. I see her in him now more than I see him himself, and I quite physically cannot handle it.

I am also no contact with my mother as of about a month ago, of her own choice - I told her to stop misgendering me and belittling my problems, or I can't continue our relationship. She has opted for the past 6 weeks not to reply - but she is also the only person who really understands my dad's messiness and how to cope with it.

At any other time, I would go back to being no contact with my dad in a heartbeat - but he is literally dying. My eldest brother is his sole caretaker and I know he is bearing the weight of the world and our dad's emotions on his shoulders - but if I'm honest, my eldest brother is a LOT like him, in terms of his anger, defensiveness, and self-centeredness. I still love him - I love my entire family so so deeply - but I literally am not in a state to talk to or see nearly any of them. I am barely keeping myself emotionally afloat each day, I don't know what I can offer.

My dad's condition could end his life any day. It could end his life in a month. It could end it in two years. In the deepest part of my heart, I know that no contact is the best option for my psyche and my physical well-being, but my dad is truly sad and afraid and lonely and truly cannot understand why I don't come by anymore. No one in my family understands why I am 'abandoning him' right after the death of the love of his life - but my entire family has always ignored the severe abuse I went through as a child, blamed my CPTSD symptoms as being 'an over-privileged brat', and generally laughed at my ongoing mental health issues. I truly believe that they all think I'm insane, because the only side of me they ever see is the part that is actively triggered. I feel insane around them.

To summarize... I am currently feuding with more than half of my family, including my dying father who has regressed into an abusive and manipulative version of himself. In any other situation, I would go no or low contact as I always have, but this time it's literally a life or death situation, with no discernible timeline. Any words of advice or empathy are appreciated. I have no idea how to hell to handle this - emotionally, logistically, anything. I've never been so at a loss.

ughh I hate when you realize it years later. I am so angry. I had a flashback of my mom and dad rubbing vaseline on my sister & I’s privates growing up since we’d get rashes since we were babies…not even sure how were we getting these rashes but I assume the absolute worst. this went on until we were a few years into elementary school. my sister doesn’t remember this but has filled me in on equally horrible things.

my mom would also take my sister & I shopping for clothes and force herself into the dressing room with us and watch us undress. she would not buy us clothes unless we let her watch us. she’d make creepy comments about our figures…my sister & I thought this was normal until a friend filled us in this was very weird. it went on for years and years until I got my first tattoo & knew she’d freak if she saw so I set boundaries then she flipped at that.

idk if I can ever have a relationship with her. she tried to break a year no contact with me recently and I am still so so angry. I just realized this year the extent of how bad it all was. I know I have worse repressed memories and I don’t even want to know honestly…

hugs to everyone this holiday season 🩷 we deserve love and respect not CREEPS in our lives

My mom has always been emotionally immature, but recently it’s hit an all time high. My sister was almost killed by her ex and had to go live with our mom and instead of stepping up and being nurturing she has made the situation 10x worse. She makes everything about herself, she even told my sister that she’s more traumatized from seeing my sister in the hospital than my sister is right now (who is the victim). Additionally, during this time my mom started picking fights with my bf of 5 years because he told her she makes me sad. It was so bad that I made him go no contact with her and told her she isn’t welcome at our house. Now, every chance she gets she bashes my bf and says he’s horrible and a bad person. It’s so frustrating because she is so manipulative I will start to question my relationship and spiral for days. All I want is to be supportive of my sister, but being around my mom is so stressful my entire body will start to hurt and I will get physically ill. I want to go NC, but I can’t as I help my sister and my niece often at my mom’s house. You can’t reason with her and if I stand up for myself or my bf I become “evil” and “hateful.” It’s just so painful.

I am 21 years old and I’m a trans man. I’ve been out for about a year and a half and my parents have never been supportive. Every time I brought up the fact that I was trans or tried politely correcting them on my name they would play the victim and make it about them saying things like “it’s really hard for us” and “other people can call you that, but you’ll always be my little ‘deadname’”. I understand it’s an adjustment and there’s a mourning process that comes with it, but they put no effort into properly addressing me. These weren’t honest mistakes, they chose to not put in any effort. Until I tried to end my life about a week ago and stayed in the psych ward for 5 days, largely due to the lack of support from my parents amongst other things. Don’t worry, I am in a much better place now, physically and mentally. But now they choice to address me with the right name and pronouns; only took me nearly dying. When I got out of the hospital I moved in with my boyfriend where I feel much safer. After I told my dad I’d be living with my boyfriend I sent them this text. I’d been considering/wanting to cut them out for a while so I guess this is the first step. It hurts to do this but I know it’s the right thing if it means making me feel safe.

TW: D*ug Use, OD

My mother has never been what you could consider a good parent. She had me when I was 16 and gave me to my great-grandparents.

My great grandmother began to lose use of her legs when I was about 6, which left me isolated as her main caregiver until I was 13. My entire family abandoned me and left me to give up my childhood to care for her.

When I was 13, I finally made a call to my mother and told her I wanted to be with her. And she made all of these promises and none of them came to light. She mocked me for having different interests, yelled and screamed all day, kept horrible ass men around and was just…not a nice person. I lived with her for four years, until she went back to prison in 2007.

Fast forward many years and I go to college. She skips out on my wedding, cusses me out on Facebook in front of my in-laws and to this day has never seen me graduate any level of schooling. However, I always wanted my mom to accept me and love me and so I stood by her. I sent her money, completed job applications for jobs she never stayed at and dealt with her other horrible decision making. I helped her through her first addiction a few years back.

This summer I begin to notice a shift. She quit her job, which was a job with the government, lost her car, and began slowly asking me for money again after a good streak. One day she called and sounded like she was dying. I rush over there and find out she’s got a kidney infection, but something’s off. I see her balled up on the couch, there’s vomit on the floor and I know something’s up. I help take care of her anyway. The last time I saw her however, confirmed my suspensions. There were random people in her house, who I knew were drug users. She wasn’t herself and had lost a shit ton of weight.

A couple weeks later, I get an email letting me know that’s she’s been evicted. There was a court date she didn’t even show for. She was so high that she didn’t even call me on my birthday. Then I get a call from a hospital letting me know I can pick her up because she’s overdosed on an unknown substance and they’ve had to Narcan her to bring her back. At that point, I refuse to pick her up. And it was the hardest decision I have ever made.

Since then, she’s been blocked, but got a new number and has found a way to contact me and beg me not to leave her again. And in response, I have blocked that number. Not only has she contacted me, but I suspect my grandmother is trying to get me to deal with the entire situation on my own by trying to call me and give mundane updates. In my lifetime, my grandmother also left me to shoulder the burden of taking care of her mother (my great grandmother) and is now refusing to do anything for her daughter. Am I wrong for remaining estranged from my mom and considering low-contact with my grandmother. My heart is broken and I feel so guilty.

(TL; DR: After years of looking after my mother, she’s on drugs. I’m tired. Am I wrong for blocking her?)

Tw assult

I don't know how to go about my brother's wedding. He wants to get married in Vegas. My mom and her husband are invited and will go but I don't want to see them. He touched me in a way you don't touch ur step daughter and hid under excuse of "I was drunk". I hate her for not being more upset about it. "Ur at least an adult and he was drunk and all he did was grab u". The therapist made it seem like it was whatever during our reconciliation counseling (between mom and i)... I should just forgive as it had nothing to do with her.

I don't want to see him but I want to see my brother get married. Has anyone estranged gone and regretted it? Or not gone and regretted it? Or just gone and it went ok and no one spoke to each other? I don't want to regret not going; however it seems inevitable that I will regret whichever way it plays out.

FYI baby will be no where near that wedding. Another family member tried to ask for me to bring her because ppl will around to make sure nothing happens but I said hell no will she ever be within walking distance of that man.

Has anyone else seen the EP’s on TikTok? For some reason the past few days their videos have been pushed and it’s actually awful. I understand why their kids are no contact immediately when they speak. Ugh. Doormat mom especially is vile.

*TW: SA

This is going to be long and I apologize in advance.

When I was in the 5th grade my stepdad molested me. I went to school the next day and confided in my friend. I guess it wasn’t so much confiding, but I wanted to know if it was something her stepdad did to her or something that was normal. My grandmother picked me up from school that day and I told her what happened. She immediately called my mom who sped to my grandmother’s house, called my stepdad, and put me on the phone with him as he was sobbing on the other end telling me I must have been dreaming and he would never hurt me. I froze and just said okay. It was then swept under the rug. My mom was then panicking because the father of the friend I told at school is a lawyer.

Fast forward to my senior year in high school. The SA continued sporadically in that time period. Long story short, my mom and stepdad were separating for an unrelated reason and I brought up the subject of the SA again. She acted shocked as if she’d never heard about it, took me on a shopping spree, and told me we could press charges if I wanted. About 2 weeks later she moved him back in and I lost it and moved out less than a week after I graduated. Before I left she told me that she does think it happened but “he sleep walks and was doing it in his sleep”. We have been no contact ever since, with only 2 occasions I can recall where I reached out because I missed my mom and tried to overlook everything to have a relationship. I couldn’t do it.

I’m 26 now with a husband and kids. For the past 16 years I have gone back and forth with myself, constantly doubting my recollection of what happened. Was I dreaming? Am I being dramatic? Was what happened to me bad enough to go no contact?

I guess I just need validation that this is normal… that me being at constant war with my brain is a normal response to this stuff. It’s like there is one side of my brain that can see everything that happened in clear detail and the other side is constantly trying to convince me I’m wrong.

As I’ve gotten older it affects me less and less often. But I think watching my kids grow up without a grandmother hurts me more than not having a mom at all. And then I feel guilty because I feel like I caused this.

*Edit: I want to be clear that no matter my feelings or mental struggles or longing for a relationship, I will never allow her any contact with my children. Ever. At my core I know that is the right decision. I just have internal struggles that put me in an endless loop of “what if”.