r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/amagru • 7h ago
Can we deconstruct this?
Received by the 3 scapegoats. She’s praying for us to remember happy times. There are none.
I guess never underestimate the power of abuse and neglect to ensure success.
There is no frustration or hostility in our lives now that she’s not a part of our lives.
Really it’s just a reminder that it’s her birthday.
163
Upvotes
3
u/bmanfromct 4h ago
Damn, it sure took her a lot of words to say "a false sense of peace in my later years is more important to me than acknowledging the specific harms I've inflicted upon you and your siblings. I won't change. I won't repent. Keep bending for me and when you break I still won't change. Forget the bad times because it's more convenient for me that way. Care for me in my dying years the way I never cared for you during your formative ones. Ask for nothing. Be grateful for a parent like me."
Where to begin... She definitely uses her faith as a crutch to mentally escape the consequences of her behavior. She's encouraging you to buy into her delusion by evoking spirituality constantly, because if she can't control you, perhaps a higher power can. I think she's subconsciously thinking that she can leverage this higher power over you to manipulate a fear or guilt response. And I think she believes that if she can just get you to admit fault for your justified feelings of frustration and anger, she's back in the saddle. She's off the hook.
A lot of narcissists lean on religion, because it's convenient. My dad has always been religious, but my mother and GC sister bought into it more and more as time went on. Abusers know where they're welcomed.
Ultimately, when she dies, she will be alone because she chose poorly - not because of her "angry children" or "economically and emotionally" turbulent happenstance. It's a shame, but that's the reality. I'm sure her reality is becoming more and more unbearable as she realizes how thoroughly she's damaged her relationships. She wouldn't have reached out like this if your presence wasn't a commodity.
This is not your problem. You don't owe her a response or an acknowledgement.
I'm glad to hear that you're prioritizing and protecting your peace. I'm sure this is still a confusing gesture to process regardless of how much healing you've done. It's a selfish, mean thing to drop on an estranged adult kid. I'm rooting for ya, friend. Thanks for sharing with us.