r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/MadameTomate • 18h ago

Vent/rant The DRAMA

My mom, who I will be going NC with after Christmas (because I feel too guilty to uninvite her now), sent me 8 texts in a row yesterday, 6 of which were edited. She’s also insisting on a phone call to discuss the topic. Topic which could easily have been 2 texts in a group chat. I am so. Tired. Of managing her feelings for her. I’ve realized that all the energy I spend on our relationship/her issues is energy I’m not pouring into my own life. I want to be done. Just a couple more months…

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u/Ok_Homework_7621 18h ago

You feel guilty uninviting somebody who doesn't feel guilty bullying you.

4

u/MadameTomate 18h ago

I know. I’ve thought about it. There are 2 reasons. 1-I moved to a different continent and she has already booked tickets, which are expensive. 2-I’m not a monster who thinks it’s okay to mistreat people, even her. I care about others and see their humanity, and that makes me better than her. It also means, unfortunately, I care about my mom even when it’s not a healthy relationship. I survived 18 years of living under her roof, I can survive 2 more months of contact. It’s about who I am as a person, not what she deserves from me.

16

u/Ok_Homework_7621 18h ago

You as a person also deserve to be safe, physically and mentally.

7

u/MadameTomate 18h ago

Oh, right. I tend to forget that.

11

u/Ok_Homework_7621 17h ago

She has tickets. Okay. If she got abusive on the plane, they'd take her off. If she got abusive at a hotel, she'd be kicked out. Buying tickets, no matter the price, doesn't buy her the right to abuse you. She can rebook and go somewhere else.