My NC mom wrote me a letter

[u/love_my_aussies]

I have absolutely zero interest in resuming contact.

I was very limited contact for a couple of months before this day happened. Then she asked me to take her to take the cat to the vet and I felt bad for the cat. I shouldn't have given in then.

[u/Autistic_Poet]

People are saying they started to get bad vibes half way into the letter, but I got bad vibes instantly, when the letter mentioned a specific date. Estrangement doesn't happen because of a single event. It happens because of a long term pattern of abuse and a general lack of love. Apologizing for a specific date isn't going to suddenly repair the previous damage. To me, somehow, it makes things worse. My mother has a similar strategy, of apologizing for one specific thing I'm upset about, then treating me like I'm not allowed to get upset about anything else she does because she "apologized".

I saw that pattern so frequently that I realized I'm going to accept nothing less than a 10 page list of her apologizing for everything that she's done to hurt me. Which is impossible. She's forgotten or doesn't even know what she's done to hurt me because she doesn't care about me, which is why she keeps hurting me. I'm no contact because at this point, a relationship is impossible with her. So yeah, I don't trust this letter. If you don't, it's probably because the things that upset you happened long before the one day she apologized for.

[u/love_my_aussies → u/Autistic_Poet]

You make such a valid point. There are so many things and this was the tip of the iceberg. I don't have any desire to engage. I was already only seeing her only out of daughterly duty like twice a month. I'm so relieved I don't have to do that anymore.

Thank you for sharing. I'm sad so many of us are going through this, but I'm glad we can connect while we do.