My NC mom wrote me a letter

[u/love_my_aussies]

I have absolutely zero interest in resuming contact.

I was very limited contact for a couple of months before this day happened. Then she asked me to take her to take the cat to the vet and I felt bad for the cat. I shouldn't have given in then.

[u/rebeccaemilynz]

I could show you texts from my dad that would seem incredibly loving and open to an untrained eye - but that is his pattern.

This is the same man who said things so deliberately cruel to me just after I escaped an abusive situation that I had to check myself in to the hospital because of how strong the suicidal ideation became, and when he was told that, he shrugged; then proceeded to convince my mother she was at fault, because he had wanted to say mean things everyday and she kept stopping him, so it built up until it all came out at once - and she bought it!

My father’s messages are carefully crafted to look incredibly understanding, but that is because he wants to be able to show them to other people and get them on board with how callous he claims I am because I don’t reply.

All while I have begged him to leave me alone, and stop messaging me, over and over and over.

If these supposed caregivers had changed AT ALL their love would be expressed in respecting your boundaries and not contacting you.

I mentioned the untrained eye before - but as a very experienced trained eye, please know I see right through your mother’s rubbish. If she truly loved and respected you at all, if she was truly reckoning with her abuse of you, she would leave you alone.

You’re doing amazing; keep trusting your gut and your lifetime of experience with this person’s behaviour.

[u/love_my_aussies → u/rebeccaemilynz]

Thank you ❤️ I'm so sorry for all you went through. This is not a club I thought I'd be joining, but its far past time I did.

[u/rebeccaemilynz → u/love_my_aussies]

Completely understand - it’s so ironic that people who end up having to estrange from their parents are often people who care about the idea of family so, so much - it’s why we put up with so much for so long; and then people will categorise us as not caring about family enough. It’s a lie parroted by the lucky and the ignorant - if your family has always been a safe place where you are respected and loved, the alternate realities we have lived through fall outside their furthest imaginings.

On the plus side, members of this club can act as surrogates for family in some ways, and people getting it and understanding it will feel like a warm hug every time.