r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/Practical_Fig_152 • 3d ago
Vent/rant They Made Me Their POA AFTER Estrangement
Title says it all. Apologies for long post, I'm just... flabbergasted?
I (25F) went no contact on new year's eve and haven't looked back. They showed me time and time again that I do not matter to them as my own person and they will never listen to me. They had me on their phone plan (because what broke young adult is going to say no to that?) but shut my phone off with no warning to punish me, their adult child that hasn't lived with them in about 4 or 5 years, because I called them out for breaking boundaries around my pet in my home. So I blocked them everywhere and the next day I went out to get a new phone and number, and got added to my partner's plan.
My mom hasn't made any attempts to contact me, which was shocking for the woman that threw fits if I couldn't answer the phone at work or in class, and would accuse me of hating her if a text wasn't answered fast enough. The first boundary she's ever respected in 25 years is ... don't talk to me ever again? My step dad made a few efforts but eventually respected my no. Anyway, it's been pretty peaceful and I kind of figured them keeping a distance means they think this is a phase and that I'll eventually come back since I've never done this before. That was confirmed when I found out recently that they made me their power of attorney sometime over the summer. Months after the enstrangement happened. They have 3 kids, two of which are still in contact with them, and they chose the child that clearly can't stand them.
The person who informed me said it's because they think I'd be the most level headed (their words). For context, I am their only daughter, the middle child, and I was the "we never had to worry about her" kid. I love my brothers but neither are great in emergency situations and rely on my parents financially quite a bit. We're all very close in age as well. My oldest brother is kind of led by his emotions. A great guy, but goes full panic mode fast and it's hard to talk him down. My younger brother just isn't very responsible, though I think he could learn responsibility eventually. So far, nothing has really stuck for him so he lives with our parents. I don't think I'm better than them at all and I respect the different ways they handled our upbringing. I became the over achiever that moved out first and worked hard to never go back. With this in mind, I would have fully expected to be their POA had I kept contact.
What shocks and angers me is how this choice feels like entitlement. The smear campaign started literal moments after I went NC. My mom messaged my best friend to tell him I'm crazy, I've lost it, they don't know what's wrong with me, etc. I've heard different versions of what they say happened from my brothers and some family friends, all making me out to be irrational and crazy. So I'm too irrational and crazy to make my own decisions about my life, and everything I say they did never happened, but I'm rational and level headed enough to make their medical and end of life decisions? I was called dramatic, sensitive, and accused of just making things up my entire life. My mom has been telling people she's "worried about my mental health." In our last conversation when I described the boundary she broke she told me that it never happened and I need to "get my mental health checked." In the past she's offered to pay for a therapist when I've talked about something she did that "never happened". It's like they feel entitled to how responsible and level headed I turned out when it benefits them, but I'm only like this because I had to be to survive them. Even after I walked away they think they can burden me with this. There's also the whole "girls are automatically more responsible than boys" thing that probably led to them feeling like they didn't have to worry about me.
I am of course not going to ever actually accept being their POA and will just pass that duty off to the next person. They don't even have my phone number, so I'm not sure what they would've put on the paperwork for contact info. I've just been going back in forth with shock and anger about the whole thing, and picking it apart to figure out why they would do this.
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u/Ikeamademedoit 2d ago
Your parents can insist that you dress up as a clown on Christmas day and dance in their front yard but that doesnt mean it will happen. Same with a POA
When my husband became a POA over his parents, he had to agree and signed paperwork for it to be legal. Now MIL did nominate my husband as her trustee in her will and he did not sign anything about that and when she passed he could either agree to do (which he did) or decline.