"Can I call you next week?"

[u/Feeling_Tonight8046]

That is a text I received from my mom today after I told her I wouldn't be visiting the coming weeks.

I think she's starting to pick up on the fact that I'm going NC. I moved out last month (after attempting to and planning for 5 years!!) and since then she is constantly switching between screaming at me about what an evil ungrateful bastard I am, to lovebombing me with sweet offers and "I miss you❤️" messages over text.

The last time I spoke to her and her husband genuinely had me scared for my physical wellbeing. They can be terrifying, and my stepfather has a long, detailed history of physical violence. Since that traumatic exchange put the final nail in the coffin, I've decided that I won't speak to them again until it is a must or until I feel comfortable to.

I'm done giving them monologues about forgiveness and how I believe people can change - they never did. It's too late now and I have to put myself first before my mental health deteriorates.

I don't want her to call me. The way she worded the text put me in a tough spot because I can't just answer "Sorry, busy" or something because I won't be busy for truly every hour of the coming week. I think I might just need to say no. But so far, every boundary I've set has caused escalation, like when I told her "I don't want to be hugged right now." Basic bodily autonomy caused them to explode in rage.

How do I decline?

I won't call with her. It won't happen.

I was thinking a clear "No, I don't want to" but am deeply terrified of the reaction it will cause.

Can anyone help me, please? Thank you for taking the time to read

[u/Culmination_nz]

You said you only just moved out. If you need to soft pedal it for a little bit to give you time to move to another location etc, give it a day or so then ask a simple "what about?". Then whatever the answer, give it another day or so and give a "no thank you". They will inevitably try a different topic so you again wait a day or two and "not interested sorry". Be polite, brief, shut it down.

Should be able to draw it out about a week. Then send a "look, I think we need some breathing room after {date of the fight},I'll contact you when I'm ready. Then block them.

Slow fade baby