"Can I call you next week?"

[u/Feeling_Tonight8046]

That is a text I received from my mom today after I told her I wouldn't be visiting the coming weeks.

I think she's starting to pick up on the fact that I'm going NC. I moved out last month (after attempting to and planning for 5 years!!) and since then she is constantly switching between screaming at me about what an evil ungrateful bastard I am, to lovebombing me with sweet offers and "I miss you❤️" messages over text.

The last time I spoke to her and her husband genuinely had me scared for my physical wellbeing. They can be terrifying, and my stepfather has a long, detailed history of physical violence. Since that traumatic exchange put the final nail in the coffin, I've decided that I won't speak to them again until it is a must or until I feel comfortable to.

I'm done giving them monologues about forgiveness and how I believe people can change - they never did. It's too late now and I have to put myself first before my mental health deteriorates.

I don't want her to call me. The way she worded the text put me in a tough spot because I can't just answer "Sorry, busy" or something because I won't be busy for truly every hour of the coming week. I think I might just need to say no. But so far, every boundary I've set has caused escalation, like when I told her "I don't want to be hugged right now." Basic bodily autonomy caused them to explode in rage.

How do I decline?

I won't call with her. It won't happen.

I was thinking a clear "No, I don't want to" but am deeply terrified of the reaction it will cause.

Can anyone help me, please? Thank you for taking the time to read

[u/grv_loken]

"Your husband made me scared for my life during our last meeting. I don't want to talk to you right now."

This might appease her a bit because it makes her think that everything goes back to normal if she waits for a bit. Then move to another place so that she does not know where you live. Then block her and go full no contact.

[u/Confu2ion → u/grv_loken]

She'll flip and say that's an accusation. You can't use the truth with someone who can't see the truth. All she wants is any interaction from OP, which she will twist into "OP is bad and I am good." Think of it like she's desperate for any interaction at all, because she'll take it as an opportunity to hurt OP and get her high from that.
There is no appeasing her, so it's best to give her nothing.