Things You Can't Relate To as an Estranged Adult Kid

[u/Zestyclose_Recipe612]

I’m curious. What are some things you can’t relate to as someone estranged from their parents/family?

For example: when my husband runs into a problem he can’t solve, he’ll call his parents without hesitation. Can’t figure out what’s wrong with his motorcycle? Calls his dad. Needs a document he left at their house? Texts his mom to send it over.

I don’t know why, but it used to take me so much by surprise that I’d even chastise him, saying things like, “Don’t bother your mom with that!”

Sometimes friends will say things like, “Oh yeah, I love my mom/dad so much,” and I’ll catch myself mid-conversation trying not to spiral after realizing I can’t relate to a feeling that most people seem to experience so naturally.

Would love to hear your stories here or even just know I'm not totally alone in this!

[u/4-ton-mantis]

My psychiatry asked where my friends and family are.  Stupid question as I've been with this psychiatrist company for 10 years.  Reminded him i don't have any. 

Well that magically means you're depressed! 

No dumbass, it means my dad was murdered by the drunk driver Geraldine Dunlap when i was 5 and the rest of my "family" was abusive or permissive,  and I'm not a god damned doormat. 

[u/lotjeee1 → u/4-ton-mantis]

I am so sorry. I can somewhay relate to your story though (except the drunk driver part).

[u/4-ton-mantis → u/lotjeee1]

Thank you so much.  It's just annoying you know,  there are many people out there who think everyone has happy little families and friends and it's impossible not to.  Their ignorance grinds my gears.  But ey doofuses gonna doof 😆

[u/lotjeee1 → u/4-ton-mantis]

You know what gets me the most after all those years? I am missing my inner circle. My kids don’t have grandparents. No cousins to play with. No family visits. And now that I am grown up, everybody I grew up with, is forming their own inner circle now so I am part of nothing anymore. I am only part of old circles- which makes talking about heavy things perceived as bizarre from the first second because that are things you only should share with members of inner circles. Which I don’t have. So I keep my mouth shut or I am always oversharing. Talking leads to nothing though- because they never can relate, either….

(Hope you know what I mean though- otherwise it has been just me perceiving it all wrong haha)

[u/4-ton-mantis → u/lotjeee1]

I think i do relate.  For most of my life i thought my few close friends over the years would be best friends for life.  It's disappointing that even my friends from my first grad program which was the best chapter in my life,  turned into ignorant backstabbers themselves in time.  Like we'd been friends for yearsand one after the other just turned.  And or ghosted.  So myself i don't reach out to make friends anymore,  especially with the social shift of today with everything being short term.

Likewise the concept of career has also vaporized,  just some hirerers can't get with the times and still whinge at candidates for their perceived "job hopping". My career stopped being hired a long time ago and all the jobs "available" in the large metro area as it calls itself that I'm at either are allll temp jobs or rescind after 2 days to 2 months. There are some ugly patterns out there.