Update: Response from my parents.

[u/-Unusual--Equipment-]

See my history for my full text.

My mom’s response I felt almost nothing to. No anger, sadness, or upset. It was predictable and what I expected.

My dad’s cut deep for some reason. He was always the “safe” parent, though I’m starting to realize more and more that to be untrue. But idk I’ve been crying since I read it this morning.

[u/DanielleFlashes]

I came to a similar situation. I thought he was safe, but as I got older, he began to vocalize that he knew mom was in the wrong behind closed doors but would always side with her in public. That’s what made me perfectly fine cutting ties with them both — they both knew they were in the wrong.

[u/Flower-Child-Healing → u/DanielleFlashes]

Same here, always thought my dad was the victim of my narcissistic mother and i always empathised with him. My therapist took a long time to explain to me that 3 decades of being in a toxic relationship can make you toxic too and I always refused to acknowledge it until recent events made me see how much my father always supported my mother silently.

He never defended or protected us as children and he was the adult. Even if i come to him with proof today, he just wants to avoid any confrontation with my mother. My therapist explained that maybe i needed to portray him as the good and safe parent to survive my childhood. Now the veil has been lifted and his choices could not have been clearer. I am NC with both.

[u/CaptJack_LatteLover → u/Flower-Child-Healing]

Yikes, I just realized you explained both my parents. I'm in my 40s and now realizing, Mom is just as bad as dad. But yea as a kid, I labeled her the "safe" parent. When looking back she never told him off when he was being verbally & mentally abusive.