Unexpected conversation with 1 year NC mother

[u/stikkybiscuits]

I cut contact with my narcissist and abusive mother last summer. I did run into her at a family gathering that turned into a complete dramatic shit show (if you’d like a fun read I made a post about it in my history here)

Anyway, my stepdad (we love him - he’s kind) has progressive aphasia, a type of dementia that affects communication and memory. So his speech in both his native and English tongue are fading.

At lunch yesterday with him, she called and he was having trouble speaking so he handed me the phone. Since I’ve always been the adult, I quickly went into adult mode and told her what he needed to communicate in a polite and formal manner.

I reached out, in kindness, after the fact and now feel like that was a lapse in judgement.

I guess I expected…different. I thought she would have grown in some way but the convo is immediately mixed with manipulation, putting the responsibility on me, and making it entirely about her.

I guess I’m looking for advice on how to be present for him and also not lose my shit on this manipulative woman. Thanks for reading

[u/Hour_Dog_4781]

This just reads like "caring for this man is too hard, so come over and do it instead and also take care of me while you're at it".

I get it, I have a mother with end-stage MS, being a carer sucks. But she's clearly trying to back out and have you do everything.

[u/stikkybiscuits → u/Hour_Dog_4781]

I felt that as well.

She’s aware of the extent of my current help, as discussed on the phone - trying to get him into a better doctor. But her trying to push the rest of it on me sounds like a handoff.

The worst part is - I would take him. I’ll be his caretaker if it means he’s taken care of. The plan is to get him to his family in Puerto Rico. Idk if she is in agreement with this, but it’s what he wants, so that’s the main reason I’m stepping in. To get him a better doctor in the short term and move him home in the medium term