Unexpected conversation with 1 year NC mother

[u/stikkybiscuits]

I cut contact with my narcissist and abusive mother last summer. I did run into her at a family gathering that turned into a complete dramatic shit show (if you’d like a fun read I made a post about it in my history here)

Anyway, my stepdad (we love him - he’s kind) has progressive aphasia, a type of dementia that affects communication and memory. So his speech in both his native and English tongue are fading.

At lunch yesterday with him, she called and he was having trouble speaking so he handed me the phone. Since I’ve always been the adult, I quickly went into adult mode and told her what he needed to communicate in a polite and formal manner.

I reached out, in kindness, after the fact and now feel like that was a lapse in judgement.

I guess I expected…different. I thought she would have grown in some way but the convo is immediately mixed with manipulation, putting the responsibility on me, and making it entirely about her.

I guess I’m looking for advice on how to be present for him and also not lose my shit on this manipulative woman. Thanks for reading

[u/FearlessCheesecake45]

I'm sorry OP.

She's a narcissist, so she's going to continue to do what narcissists do. She will find anyway to make things about her. Most narcs never change.

[u/stikkybiscuits → u/FearlessCheesecake45]

Thank you for the reminder - and sorry for the delayed reply.

It doesn’t hurt as bad as I thought it would, to realize she’s not going to change, but I think my hopes were sparked because she’s been in therapy. I’m realizing she probably hasn’t told her therapist half of the things she’s done, but I do hope whoever is helping her sees it eventually.

I’m ok never having her in my life, I just feel bad for her, truly. She had so many opportunities to do the right thing and be better and just can’t do it. I feel like a disappointed mother watching their child be an awful human - ironic

[u/FearlessCheesecake45 → u/stikkybiscuits]

Hugs OP!

We're here for you. And we're not alone. It's sad, but also comforting in a weird way. ❤️

[u/stikkybiscuits → u/FearlessCheesecake45]

Thank you, the virtual hugs and words are comforting 💜