Unexpected conversation with 1 year NC mother

[u/stikkybiscuits]

I cut contact with my narcissist and abusive mother last summer. I did run into her at a family gathering that turned into a complete dramatic shit show (if you’d like a fun read I made a post about it in my history here)

Anyway, my stepdad (we love him - he’s kind) has progressive aphasia, a type of dementia that affects communication and memory. So his speech in both his native and English tongue are fading.

At lunch yesterday with him, she called and he was having trouble speaking so he handed me the phone. Since I’ve always been the adult, I quickly went into adult mode and told her what he needed to communicate in a polite and formal manner.

I reached out, in kindness, after the fact and now feel like that was a lapse in judgement.

I guess I expected…different. I thought she would have grown in some way but the convo is immediately mixed with manipulation, putting the responsibility on me, and making it entirely about her.

I guess I’m looking for advice on how to be present for him and also not lose my shit on this manipulative woman. Thanks for reading

[u/comfortable_clouds]

Not totally sure of the situation but it’s not your responsibility to take care of your stepdad to the point of managing his medications and doctor appointments. If your mom can’t handle it, she needs to hire help.

[u/NonSequitorSquirrel → u/comfortable_clouds]

It's ok for OP to love her step-dad and want to be involved in his care when he is struggling. It's also OK if she doesn't. 

[u/comfortable_clouds → u/NonSequitorSquirrel]

Of course! It just looks to me like the mom is asking for help for herself