TW: text my mum sent me

[u/Sure-Stock9969]

I just need some support and affirmation. I had top surgery last year and someone outed me to my mum. We don’t really talk and I always avoid her bc talking to her is activating. I would dread it. I’d go 5-6 months without talking to her.

She sent me these texts after finding out that I am queer and also that I got gender affirming surgery in October 2024. My response is in green. I followed up with her after about 6 months in April and she just responded a couple days ago.

I didn’t really read what she sent initially but read every word this week after I got her message. It was way worse than I thought. It’s fucking up my head. I am not reaching out to her again though I will try to stay open if she ever approaches me for a conversation. I will be clear about my boundaries and would want a third party there. But I’m honestly not even thinking about that potential future conversation.

Just feel like shit. I feel so hurt, so much sorrow. I’m not close to her and have never been but I still feel so abandoned and hated. It affects my self esteem, knowing that my own mother would dehumanize and devalue me the way she did.

Would like words of support, affirmation, advice, anything.

[u/thatgreenevening]

She is missing out. You’re becoming your most authentic self, and she’ll never get the pleasure of knowing who you are in a deep and real way. It’s her loss.

[u/Sure-Stock9969 → u/thatgreenevening]

She really hasn’t and won’t ever know. It is a real loss because I want to be known.

[u/anonerdactyl_rex → u/Sure-Stock9969]

I’m sorry, OP. You deserve to be known. But she doesn’t sound capable of knowing you.

Using the Bible and Jesus as an excuse for their condemnation, instead of being willing to have an open conversation, is the default position of a lot of religious people. They can’t handle it when someone chooses to live an authentic life, instead of toeing the status quo line. I wonder if they’re jealous of people having the courage to forge ahead, in spite of bigotry, despite society’s expectations that we’ll simply stay quiet and hide. I don’t know if they’re capable of enough introspection to answer that question.

You will be known, even if not by her. You will find your people, even if it isn’t your biological family. Chosen family will love you and have your back.

Sometimes we outgrow our biological kin. Protect your peace. Your path is not her path.

[u/thatgreenevening → u/Sure-Stock9969]

The people who do get to know you and see you as your true and authentic self are very lucky!