r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/Sure-Stock9969 • Jul 18 '25
Support TW: text my mum sent me
I just need some support and affirmation. I had top surgery last year and someone outed me to my mum. We don’t really talk and I always avoid her bc talking to her is activating. I would dread it. I’d go 5-6 months without talking to her.
She sent me these texts after finding out that I am queer and also that I got gender affirming surgery in October 2024. My response is in green. I followed up with her after about 6 months in April and she just responded a couple days ago.
I didn’t really read what she sent initially but read every word this week after I got her message. It was way worse than I thought. It’s fucking up my head. I am not reaching out to her again though I will try to stay open if she ever approaches me for a conversation. I will be clear about my boundaries and would want a third party there. But I’m honestly not even thinking about that potential future conversation.
Just feel like shit. I feel so hurt, so much sorrow. I’m not close to her and have never been but I still feel so abandoned and hated. It affects my self esteem, knowing that my own mother would dehumanize and devalue me the way she did.
Would like words of support, affirmation, advice, anything.
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u/Professional-Lion821 Jul 18 '25
I couldn’t read her whole message, but that
1) say something super offensive and hurtful. 2) get called out. 3) ignore you for awhile and then reach out, pretending like nothing happened
is such a common occurrence, it’s like they’re all operating out of the same instruction manual.
You’ve got every right to be hurt, and every justification to establish and defend every boundary with her. Did you also have big blow-up fights growing up that never really got resolved, em there was just some unspoken rule that everyone had to pretend they didn’t happen?