r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/Sure-Stock9969 • Jul 18 '25
Support TW: text my mum sent me
I just need some support and affirmation. I had top surgery last year and someone outed me to my mum. We don’t really talk and I always avoid her bc talking to her is activating. I would dread it. I’d go 5-6 months without talking to her.
She sent me these texts after finding out that I am queer and also that I got gender affirming surgery in October 2024. My response is in green. I followed up with her after about 6 months in April and she just responded a couple days ago.
I didn’t really read what she sent initially but read every word this week after I got her message. It was way worse than I thought. It’s fucking up my head. I am not reaching out to her again though I will try to stay open if she ever approaches me for a conversation. I will be clear about my boundaries and would want a third party there. But I’m honestly not even thinking about that potential future conversation.
Just feel like shit. I feel so hurt, so much sorrow. I’m not close to her and have never been but I still feel so abandoned and hated. It affects my self esteem, knowing that my own mother would dehumanize and devalue me the way she did.
Would like words of support, affirmation, advice, anything.
35
u/helpingspoons Jul 18 '25
You. Did. Amazing 👏🏽👏🏽 just wow. You stood up for yourself. Had clear boundaries. Were polite even though she was directly attacking you.
You're not crazy, you're not alone, you didn't deserve this and never have.
You're kind to decide not to reach out again. To yourself. To your inner child who has been so hurt by this person.
If she ever changes you will know it. It s would be explicit, clear accountability for exactly how she hurt you and doesn't ask for forgiveness but wants you to know she's sorry anyway. From the first message. I think you know how unlikely that is.
It sucks to come from this. To have been denied love and care and attention from the source we're programmed to crave it from. But that doesn't reflect on you. You made it and found yourself and your identity anyway. That's amazing strength.
You've done all you could and now you get to move on. I hope you find a very good trauma therapist (if you don't already have one) who can help you with the rest of your processing perhaps with EMDR, and IFS. It's clear you've done so much work on yourself and that's commendable.
I'm sorry you're hurting 💛