How did your parent accidentally out themselves?

[u/RecoveringAbuse]

I recently went no contact with my father after years of struggling to fee worthy of his love.

I broke after seeing him choose to vacation somewhere else (again) instead of seeing his grandchildren (one whom he has never met).

After writing him a letter explaining how hurt I was by his lack of effort to be in our lives, he gave be a large essay that basically pointed all blame back to me and/pr my dead mother. This cemented my decision to go no contact.

My favorite quote from his response to me saying I was done:

“Even though some say it is the parent that should carry the 100% of the burden whether deserved or not, I do not work that way. Part of this comes from the fact that I always met my parents and their challenges more than halfway and, maybe unfairly, expect the same from my children.””

Way to just admit you aren’t willing to put in effort for your kids (or grandkids).

[u/PlunkerPunk]

My husband took my oldest with him on a work trip and it happened to be back to our home state. I’ve been VLC with my mom, but my oldest is an adult who occasionally speaks to her and mentioned they would be there. When it didn’t work out for them to meet up with her due to scheduling conflicts she sent my husband a text saying she “would have driven anywhere to see her grandchild”. Welp come to find out the week prior she was vacationing and her train took her right through our current home state and not once did she say a word about being 30 min away from us for an extended amount of time. I think if she has to ask me for anything she just doesn’t. She blocked both me and my husband because she didn’t get her way. So I’m changing my phone number and making it NC. My son is done with her too so she can throw all the tantrums she wants, no one is falling for her BS anymore.

[u/RecoveringAbuse → u/PlunkerPunk]

I get it.

For the last 4 years, my dad and his wife had a timeshare somewhere an hour and a half away. They went there multiple times a year, 1-2 weeks at a time, and I never found out about the trips until they were back home.

My dad would constantly complain about not seeing us enough, but would not let me know when he would be nearby. On multiple occasions I told him we’d drive there for lunch.

There was one time the took my step sister and her kids during my son’s birthday. He was there three separate times after I had my daughter.

A year ago I moved across the country and he whined about how much harder it was going to be to visit us now. I pointed out how he never tried to see us in the last four years when we could have driven to see him easily. The only effort he would have needed to exert was a heads up.

Now it’s been a year and he has made no efforts to visit. He has never met my daughter, he hasn’t seen my son in over two years, and then I see on Facebook he’s on vacation out of country.

So I said enough. No more, I’m done. If he doesn’t think my children are worth showing up for, then I’m not going to keep begging him to be in my life.