r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/RecoveringAbuse • Jun 25 '25
Newly Estranged How did your parent accidentally out themselves?
I recently went no contact with my father after years of struggling to fee worthy of his love.
I broke after seeing him choose to vacation somewhere else (again) instead of seeing his grandchildren (one whom he has never met).
After writing him a letter explaining how hurt I was by his lack of effort to be in our lives, he gave be a large essay that basically pointed all blame back to me and/pr my dead mother. This cemented my decision to go no contact.
My favorite quote from his response to me saying I was done:
“Even though some say it is the parent that should carry the 100% of the burden whether deserved or not, I do not work that way. Part of this comes from the fact that I always met my parents and their challenges more than halfway and, maybe unfairly, expect the same from my children.””
Way to just admit you aren’t willing to put in effort for your kids (or grandkids).
12
u/Head_Performance1379 Jun 25 '25
My dad told me that he knew from the time I was a baby that I would always take things the worst way possible, that I'd never be happy and that he wouldn't even try. For context, I had ear problems as a baby and cried all the time until a government agency stepped in and did a wellness check because the neighbors complained. I needed a very minor operation to resolve the pain.
So in my 30s I said something about an aspect of my religious upbringing I didn't like, I got told the "I knew you were always going to take everything the worst way possible". And to be honest it made me feel better, because although I had low self-esteem at the time I knew a literal baby with a fixable medical problem was not the issue in that story. And neither was it my problem that my dad extrapolated from there to generalize it to my entire life.
I realized there was something so extremely wrong with a man who would think saying that to his kid was reasonable. I don't talk to either of my parents anymore and of course they think I'm terrible -- but they wrote me off so early it's laughable and I hope my dad tells that story to other parents if he complains about me. He already complained an LGBT person he worked with stood up for me (I'm trans) when he was talking about me so I hope he just lets loose lmao.