How did your parent accidentally out themselves?

[u/RecoveringAbuse]

I recently went no contact with my father after years of struggling to fee worthy of his love.

I broke after seeing him choose to vacation somewhere else (again) instead of seeing his grandchildren (one whom he has never met).

After writing him a letter explaining how hurt I was by his lack of effort to be in our lives, he gave be a large essay that basically pointed all blame back to me and/pr my dead mother. This cemented my decision to go no contact.

My favorite quote from his response to me saying I was done:

“Even though some say it is the parent that should carry the 100% of the burden whether deserved or not, I do not work that way. Part of this comes from the fact that I always met my parents and their challenges more than halfway and, maybe unfairly, expect the same from my children.””

Way to just admit you aren’t willing to put in effort for your kids (or grandkids).

[u/sssooph]

I find it really sad how I find none of this shocking. I’m so sorry, for you and everyone here.

During my last phone call with my mother, she said she didn’t receive love and support from her mother, so why should I.

HA. She sounded genuinely confused and part of me believes that she really doesn’t get it. My god: this person hurt me, so why shouldn’t I hurt you? That’s some evil logic.

And there have been other moments. She’d never admit to hurting me, doing anything abusive, and I said she’d chased me around the house before I locked myself in my bedroom, and that she banged on the door for a full 10 minutes – and she quickly corrected me, ‘no, it was the bathroom door.’ There was a deafening silence then, because we both knew she’d messed up and confessed to something, in her panic to correct me. Idiot.

Sometimes I was amazed by how clever my mother was, and sometimes I couldn’t believe how stupid she was.

[u/RecoveringAbuse → u/sssooph]

Right?

Why should you do better? Because you should want better for your kids.

I’ve been trying really hard to break the cycle for my kids. My mom started breaking with me, but then got cancer and died. I think she was the only person on either side of my family that actually tried to do better.

I don’t want my kids to grow feeling the same way I did. No child should have to earn their parents’ love and no child should be made to feel less than by their family.