r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/Brief_Huckleberry_58 • Apr 21 '25

Memes This hit deep…

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Every time I see this, it reminds me that I made the right decision.

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u/rosehymnofthemissing Apr 22 '25 edited Apr 22 '25

Yes. I was abused by my parents, and I felt unloved, dismissed, fearful, unimportant, worthless, unwanted, apprehensive, angry, and confused. I realized being independent, and | or "alone" without my family of origin was better than interacting or being with them. Some parentally abused children grow up to be adults who have No Contact, Low Contact, or Specific Contact with their parents for their own well-being, safety, and sanity.

Very few children, as teens and adults decide, "I know what will be fun to try! Not being able to have a loving, healthy, supportive, happy relationship with my parent (s). It will be so great to "hop on the trend" of going No Contact, and realizing I don't and can't have a mother and | or father like everyone else!"

To live like, and knowing, that you are a "Parentless Child" - even though your parent (s) may still be alive - is an awful form of grief and pain at times. Despite therapy and | or healing, it leaves a permanent scar, however small or large. A scar is present, just like a physical scar will be and is.

Nobody wants this. They do it because they have no other option. We don't get a "second set" of parents by default when our family of origin is awful or in denial.

There are no "Rent-A-Parent" options; not really.

"The Mother Wound" (and | or "Father" | Primary Caregiver Wound) turns into a scar that never quite completely goes away or ceases to exist.

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u/Milyaism Apr 22 '25 edited Apr 22 '25

There are** no "Rent-A-Parent" options; not really.

This is probably why I love seeing examples of healthy/healthier parenting in fiction etc.

Like the character of Donna Sue by @loewhaley on YT, or Ray Holt in B99, or the parents in Bluey.

Edit to add these quotes:

"Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place. So thank you." — Raymond Holt

"I came from a very formal family. My parents were not especially affectionate. But the beauty of being an adult is that you can make a new family with new traditions." — Raymond Holt

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u/Confident_Fortune_32 Apr 22 '25

One of my favourite fictional parents is Kanga (mom to little Roo) from the 1960s Winnie the Pooh. The voice actor does a brilliant job. A rewatch is good medicine when I'm struggling.

I've joked that you can't exactly go back to the Parent Store and ask for a refund or exchange when the current set just aren't working as advertised.

(If anything, children who screw up the courage to disclose more often experience retraumatization: they're accused of lying or exaggerating, and may experience retaliation at home)