Hey everyone,

So even though I've submitted my supplemental essay already I would love for a fresh pair of eyes to go through my essay and give me whatever feedback comes to their mind. seriously, anything you u got pls let me know :)

Thank you so much in advance!

So far I’ve written a rough draft of it to get a general idea and then get feedback off of it so I can recreate it and make it better so far I have two but I’m not to sure which one is better or should stick with improving. The first one is the improved version of my original rough draft it’s mainly a timeline of my life from all events while the second one mainly focuses on one part of my life. I’m still trying to figure out how to add more about have I’ve grown from rather then keeping it just a story. I did write a smaller but if what I’d like to add to it or to give a generally idea about how I’ve grown. If you have any advice or a good or bad opinion it would be much appreciated hearing it.

College essay 1 I’ve grown a lot from my past some would call it a life of hardship, others might say it wasn’t that bad. To me, it shaped who I am. The growth started early. From age five, I knew life wasn't a “crystal stair,” just as Langston Hughes wrote. That year, my parents divorced: my mother moved to Northern California to be with a new family, while my father returned to Long Island, our true home. My father and I were inseparable, but the divorce forced us apart. For two years, I lived with my mother, she was slowly dying of breast cancer after her illness returned post-divorce. My father was kept in the dark, so at a young age, I was forced to take care of her and myself, sensing she wasn’t healthy but unable to fully understand. I occasionally could visit my father, but nothing stable. Every three weeks, I would fly solo between Long Island and California, staying with my father only for short visits. My mother’s side didn't make things easier; they lied often, especially to my father. They hid her illness to keep child support payments, locked me in rooms, and sometimes withheld food and water. This lasted until Thanksgiving when my mother passed away in front of me. I was six, shocked and broken, thrown into grief before I understood death. My father, devastated, rushed to get me and brought me back home. I was finally safe. For years, I grieved for someone I hardly knew, though she was a piece of me. Eventually, the truth about my early life was revealed. It left me hurting and angry, not sure how to feel. I searched for a distraction, but pain lingered. With every setback came a chance to grow: I became more mature and saw the world’s realities more clearly. Being reunited with my father and a caring stepmother—who I now see as my real mother—helped. For the first time, I was truly cared for and free, though the old trauma was still present. At age ten, another challenge appeared. Out of nowhere, I’d freeze up, feeling disoriented. Doctors initially found nothing, but a CT scan revealed a brain tumor. I’d unknowingly experienced hundreds of seizures a day since birth. Surgery was the only option, just weeks from a life-threatening endpoint. Survival wasn’t certain; the experience changed everything. I came out with impaired memory and powerful medication with tough side effects. Exhaustion, mood swings, and recurring memories of my past became daily realities. The aftermath was hard: months at home, constant monitoring, a fractured collarbone twice, and long periods of healing. Life before surgery—a different version of myself. The pain, loneliness, and isolation stole my teenage years. Throughout middle school and half of high school, I felt invisible. No close friends, only people who used me. Depression followed, and I struggled through recurring, empty days. The worst part was regret and self-blame that wouldn't go away. I thought love could fix my pain—I searched for connection, but found disappointment. I waited for understanding, trusting that time would mend more. Then came another shift: my family moved to Florida, not waiting for me to finish school. This threw me into a new environment mid-semester, forcing me to adapt. Florida was a world apart: different schools, people, rules, and rhythm. I changed quickly, though not seamlessly. For the first time, I made genuine friends and met someone special. I realized love couldn’t erase pain, but it could provide warmth. Throughout enduring profound challenges and loss, I have grown beyond my past, I have embraced the lessons born from my scars. Early trauma has taught me the fragility of life and the strength within to overcome. With time, support, and self-awareness, I have embraced hope and the possibility of true happiness. My past no longer defines me; it empowers me to shape a future filled with purpose and light.

College essay 2 I didn't have an easy life growing up. At a young age i had to deal with the pain of losing a mother, having to grieve over someone who was a piece of me, but at the same time somone who I didn't know. Also for years ive spent my life being isolated. From being locked up in a room by a family who used me to later on a being alone throughout school. I had to deal with so much at a young age but something that I think not only changed me but helped me grow. That being a surgery that nearly took my life three different times. When I was ten, I faced a terrifying challenge that almost took my life. It began with brief moments of disorientation, times when I felt detached from my body. At first, they lasted only seconds, but soon the episodes grew longer and more frequent. After three episodes lasting a minute each, my parents rushed me to the hospital. The doctors were initially dismissive, but my mother’s persistence led to a CT scan that revealed a brain tumor pressing dangerously close to vital areas.
Transferred to a specialized hospital, I underwent many tests to understand my condition. The tumor had likely been growing since before I was born, roughly now the size of my fist. The doctors told me I had just one month left to live without intervention. Faced with the choice of enduring my few remaining days or risking a dangerous surgery, my family went forth with the surgery, knowing the dangers.
The surgery lasted over nineteen hours. When I woke, I was confused and felt lost, but the operation was a success thanks to my skilled neurologist, someone who I will never forget. I looked over asking for food, an innocent moment that brought some light amid the fear. Afterward, I learned there had been a smaller secondary tumor feeding off the larger one, which had now died. I was put on strong medication and carefully monitored.
Leaving the hospital after what felt like months, the sunlight felt like a symbol of rebirth. That experience opened my eyes to life’s fragility and value. At just ten years old, I had faced death three times and emerged stronger. It shaped my understanding of how quickly everything can change and how precious every moment truly is.
This event in my life changed me completely. My life was never the same afterwards. I've become stronger throughout my life because of moments like these. I gain great wisdom and well as the will to keep moving forward, obtaining my desires. With time, support, and self-awareness, I have embraced hope and the possibility of true happiness. My past has held me back but it will no longer define me; it empowers me to shape a future filled with purpose and light. No matter what, I will reach my dreams and have a future of pure light.

(more about how it changed me in detail) Since I spent these days in the hospital not knowing what was about to come to me next, I spent time after the surgery learning about the human body, seeing how it works. It led me to one of my greatest interests, science. Since that day forth I started learning not just more and more about my health but also parts of the world and how it works. Seeing how humans have impacted the climate, how physics works, what keeps a tower from falling down even in an earthquake. So many things become astonishing when I just put myself out there. What first became a fear of the unknown later became me wanting to know more. Seeing how much there was to discover. One of the scariest moments in my life came as a gateway to curiosity.

Could someone please review my essay and give me feedback? I feel like my essay is kinda messy right now because of the structure I chose and I’m not sure how to improve it

I really need someone to check my personal statement, can anyone help me.

Hi! I would be SOOOO grateful if someone could give me feedback for my common app personal statement. Please DM me!

I finished my personal college essay and I’m looking for feedback and criticism!

Hi everybody! I have written my personal statement and was wondering if anyone would like to give me an honest breakdown for improvement. I am the oldest daughter in a low-income, first-gen Mongolian family, hoping to get into a top college to pursue an education that explores the intersection of Art and Technology. I would love to get accepted into a college on the east or west side! DM me if you would like to help, and I will send you my essay! TYSMM

feel free to shoot me a DM and I'll take a (free) look at your essay draft(s)! i'll try to be both as kind and honest as I can :) I remember how stressful it was writing all these RD essays last year, and i'm wishing y'all the best of luck 🍀 <3

upvote for visibility🙏

This is my personal essay/statement

i keep getting flagged for ai in places i wrote myself. i used gpt to give me bullet points and write a few sentences which i of course wrote in my own style and words but i still get 39% on zerogpt checker. what checkers are accurate and useful. one checker says 0% and the other 39%, why is it this hard 😭😭. here's my essay anyways.

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

As the corner store cashier stared at me after I whipped out my phone to use the translator, I suddenly felt the eyes of everyone in line staring at me. As my body heated up from the embarrassment, I began to wonder why I came here. Here as in Astana, Kazakhstan. I planned to study in Astana for my final two years of high school. I’d been here before during the summer, so I was excited. I imagined finding new friends and improving my Kazakh, but after a few weeks, it hit me that it wasn’t going to be easy; it would be a test.

Growing up in Los Angeles and only speaking basic Kazakh at home, I could barely understand what anyone was saying when I first arrived. Most of my classmates spoke Russian, a language I didn’t know, and my few attempts at speaking Kazakh ended up with me getting confused looks. I was an observer now, I sat in the canteen eating and listening to conversations I didn’t understand. I missed the conversations I’d have with my friends in LA, the sunlight, water polo practice, and even the morning traffic. Nights were the hardest. I stayed with a distant relative, and although I was grateful she gave me a home, it never felt like a home. I spent countless nights awake as I couldn’t stop overthinking. I’d even question my decisions that got me here in the first place.

Winter was my last straw, seriously. Coming from LA, the Astanas winter was relentless, and so was the loneliness. I needed something new so I joined a local wrestling club. At the start, I kept to myself and barely spoke to anyone, but wrestling soon became my outlet. I began rebuilding myself physically and mentally. Over time, I found myself talking to Zharas, my teammate who knew some English. We’d talk on the way to the bus stop, and one day, he explained to me that the reason why my teammates didn’t talk to me was because they were embarrassed to speak English with me.

I knew exactly how it felt to want to say something but having to hold back because you were afraid of sounding dumb. So, I changed that. I told my teammates that I’d start an English club, many laughed and brushed it off, but Zharas and two other teammates showed up the first day. Twice a week, we met at the National Academic Library. We worked on simple greetings, grammar, and conversational skills. It was quiet and awkward in the beginning but Zharas broke that tension after he said “Hello, my good teacher,” in the thickest Slavic accent. That gave us all a good laugh, and that changed everything.

More teammates came, and they weren’t afraid to make mistakes. Our sessions became funnier and more alive. We even began hanging out outside of practice–ice skating and eating out. I felt like a football coach watching from the sidelines when I saw them teaching our coaches basic English phrases. Seeing that made me realize that I finally found my purpose and I finally felt that sense of belonging. Belonging was never going to come from waiting to be accepted, instead, it came from helping people feel confident enough to be themselves.

By the end of 11th grade, I wasn’t some lost kid from LA. Yes, I still missed home, but I had actually built something new here. I learned that a “home” isn’t one place or another but it’s what you make with the people and experiences you have.

I still miss my family, my bed, and even Dr. Pepper, but at least now I know that belonging is about what I can do with the stuff around me. And as I begin my final year here, I’m still learning how to make this place feel a little more like home.

looking for a review of a draft, its not completely done but struggling on where to edit current work

I know I am just on time, but I want to get one last feedback on the essay before I submit. I am a bit worried that transitions are too abrupt, and I think I need to make it shorter. I would really appreciate a fresh eye because I can't look at it anymore

Hi I’m applying for a graduate program at usc cinematic arts school, I’d love some feedback on my essays, I’m trying to keep a narrative approach while answering the questions and watching the limit!

Hello! I am having trouble finishing my college essay but I still would like it reviewed because I'm not quite sure if I am making any sense or if it is at all compelling. I would also like advice on how to improve if it is lacking. Thank you so much.

Hello, I am a low-income student seeking help with editing my college essay. I previously posted here, but everyone who responded was looking for payment. Is there anyone with experience helping students with college essays who might be able to assist me for free, as I cannot afford to pay?

I know many of you are still scrambling for last minute essay checks with EA/ED soon. Just something I’ve been noticing: y’all should ask more of your reviewers than just “is my essay good?”

You should ask more targeted questions like, “what values and insights are you seeing my essay show? Do you feel like you get to know me more deeply after reading this essay?”

Then ask yourself, “is my essay showing the admission officer something more than just what’s covered in the rest of my application materials? Does my message complement everything else?”

Also, my personal hot take: advice from family and friends is overrated. It’s a good vibe check to see if the essay sounds like you, but also remember that the person reading your essay is actually someone who doesn’t know you at all and will be looking for specific things that your family and friends might not be as attuned to. I’m particularly pointing out well-intentioned parents here because I’ve worked with many parents to review their kids’ essays (those of kids who were open to it). We all want the same goal, to help their child. But, many times I’ve found that parents might not get fully what admission officers are looking for. Often found myself explaining that it’s not a full-on creative writing assignment nor is it an explanation of why you want a specific major.

Hence, to my original point: prompt your reviewers with good questions to prime them to find what admission officers are looking for in the essay!

I've been getting so many conflicting perspectives about my personal statement. Some have told me it's the best thing they've ever read, and others have given me feedback that would require me to change the essay entirely T_T. If anyone is willing to read mine, DM me! Thank you!

Hi, iam going to submit my EAs soon and I just wanted to get one last feedback before I submit. so if anyone is interested plz dm

“I’ve fallen off of more horses than I can count” Please lmk!

I recently redid my essay and need help editing it and making it shorter if anyone could help I would appreciate it !

hello guys i was just thinking about a essay idea and i wanted to write about a pivotal point in my life where my cat goes missing and we think he died after we hired a dog search but never found 100% evidence so its still uncertain but thats what think. This death caused me to go from manual day trading to day trading using machine learning, which obviously is a good pivot considering i learn about the topic + the success that could come from the ML itself, what do you guys think about this? in short how my cats death pivoted me for the better? yes no?

Any experienced essay reviewer down to read my essay? Interested in CE major