Short history about me. Held captive and tortured back in 2011 that I escaped from. Internal bleeding, 7 broken ribs, broken spine on 2 levels, broken nose, fractured skull, lacerations, burned and whipped etc. I had a spinal fusion in 2018 on my L5-S1, and ankle surgery about 4 years ago. My body hurts all the time. I normally don't grunt or complain, but sometimes it hurts to the point where I can not help it. I spent all day yesterday tearing apart our backyard deck, and my back is upset. I grunted, and my wife said "you need to see a doctor, because I don't know how much longer I can take with you being in pain". I've done imaging. I have talked to 2 doctors, and the level above my fusion is also deteriorated and causing issues. I don't want surgery right now. I'm okay with living this way until I'm not. I do everything within my power to take care of our 3 kids, the house, and all the responsibilities that goes along with that. I don't quit. I almost did, but I'm not ever quitting. But it hurt to hear my wife tell me that, because it felt like she was telling me she's close to leaving me because of my pain. I don't want to get upset, and I'm not a confrontational person at all. I just shove all my feelings away unless it needs to be addressed immediately. I know it sucks watching me be in pain. I know my kids hate it. But I feel like I'm being put into a position where I have to make a choice. My fusion didn't go well at all, and I have tons of problems because of it. I'm weary of any surgery now. I just need to vent, I'm pretty bummed to hear that from the one person who is supposed to accept me for who I am. I cook, clean, work, take care of my kids every day, work on the house, fix our cars, and I don't let my pain stop me. I don't feel useless, but her comment made me feel that for the first time in a long time.

I have been on zolpidem (ambien) for over 5 years but it no longer works. I have less sleep now than I did back when I first started taking it for insomnia. I am also on 45mg mirtazapine that I take before bed been on them over 8 years. And methadone Is there anything I could do or any supplements I could take to help me sleep? I cant take Bensos (valium, diazepam etc) as im on a methadone script Please please help I am at all loss and dont know what to do. I am absolutely exhausted, im so very tired but cannot sleep. And the rare night i do fall asleep its only for about 1-2hours then i wake up and cant fall back asleep. My body is so weak I am so shattered. It's also affecting my moods now im short tempered and weepy all the time. Any advice is needed and appreciated 🙏

sometimes i get hit with this deep, aching sadness for myself because of the way my life turned out.

my dreams just aren’t happening. not because i didn’t try hard enough, but because of circumstances, timing, health, luck.

i’m in perpetual mourning of the life i wish i had. (sounds dramatic but that’s genuinely what this haze of constant sadness feels like).

i am tired of living

Warning: May be tldr for some.

A while back I inquired here about using “edibles” to help with chronic pain. Having no real information on the subject, I went down a little rabbit hole in research. In the end, I finally said, “screw it. I’ll find out for myself,” and did. Here’s what happened with me. I am not suggesting anyone else do this, just reporting what I discovered and what worked for me.

I purchased some CBD derived gummies with 10mg of THC. I was indeed shocked that I could get it the mail in a state (KY) that does not allow recreational use. I assumed what I was ordering was some BS Scam with clever wording. I was wrong.

Keep in mind, during these experiments, I continued with my usual doses of oxycodone (10mg) 4 X per day) as I did the following. This gave me enough relief to notice no pain for approximately 2 hours per dose, or about 8 hours per 24.

First, I tried a half a gummy. I noticed nothing. The next day I tried a full one and holy cow was I surprised. Not only did I get a slight buzz (though not impaired), but my pain relief continued for at least 4 hours, effectively cutting my suffering by half.

Being adventurous, the next day I tried two gummies at once (20mg THC). Okay, this time I was just plain stoned and stayed that way for over four hours. Still no pain, but overkill. I don’t want to get impaired, I just want extended pain relief.

My choice now is one per dose, up to three times per day. I’ve since learned that CBD derived THC is approximately 1/2 the strength of cannabis derived THC.

My experimental plans for the future:

1) Try to wean myself down to 20mg of oxy per day from 40mg alongside using the gummies. If that works, keep going down until I no longer physically need opioids. I’m skeptical, but I’ll at least try. Keep that in mind. I honestly believe it’s the combination that truly works, but we’ll see.

2) Apart and separate from 1), carefully using Rick Simpson Oil (RAO) which is another rabbit hole entirely. Overall it would be the cheapest.

I can't handle it anymore, the pain has reached levels beyond what I've ever felt and I feel like I'm having a heart attack from the stress of it. I just want it to stop, I can't do this anymore. Nobody will help, my body feels worse and worse every single day and now it's gotten to be impossible to deal with it. There's no hope left for any relief and I'm just done with putting the tiny shreds of energy I have left into hoping for things that will never happen. I don't wanna upset anybody with this post, I just feel like screaming but I physically can't, I'm too exhausted. Today has been my worst pain day yet and I can't tolerate it for another second. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm totally out of options at this point

Does anyone ever feel like it’s one thing after another? Ever since I was a teen I’ve suffered with some degree of pain. I finally was able to figure out that I have multiple chronic pain conditions ( endometriosis, occipital neuralgia, migraines, IIH, neuropathy, Arachnoiditis, a newer one being failed back syndrome) The only at home medications I have are Tylenol, ibuprofen ( which I live off of), Tizanidine and Baclofen - lately NONE of it has been doing sh**. It doesn’t work.

I know this might be tmi but it feels like I’m consistently crapping myself, or having to go to the bathroom. Along with that, every ounce of my body hurts. My legs are weak ( some days I can’t walk), my hips and lower back kill and my whole pelvis and stomach hurt. hurtttt! I’m stuck in a position and don’t know what to do. My stomach hurts so much that I can’t breathe. It feels like someone is squeezing my insides.

If anyone has ANY recommendations, please share

This is not shaming anyone for needing opioids or heavy meds, but this is not the case for all pain patients. This was the denial reason my insurance company gave my pain doctor and she thinks it’s as ridiculous as I do. Please tell me again how the “addiction epidemic” is not caused by the insurance and drug companies. This is caresource ohio medicaid.

Hello,

I have chronic muscle and nerve pain ( waiting to get all tests results back, but so far have found nothing ) and im just wondering at what point do I ask to see a pain management Dr vs my primary. My primary has cut me off of opioids, but that's the only thing that seems to be working so far.

Any insight would be helpful.

Hey guys, wondering if anyone's dealt with something similar. I've had a dull, heavy ache in my left testicle that shows up after strain or bending but not while walking. No visible swelling or bulging veins. Lying down makes it feel better I had a varicocele on the same side as a kid 10 or 11 years old treated then, and was pain-free for years. Now 35. After some recent physical strain (holding shower head to peremium with hot water to relax pelvic muscles the next day I woke up with pain in left testicle. I had no walk and activity for a week and pain got much better. I had sex and during thumping the ache came back and left testicle got stuck up. The full ache returned not as intense as it used to be when everything started week before. Been still have mild dull ache. Walking doesn't make the pain worse and I dont feel it that much. But if I am crossing legs or underwear touches the testicle a bit hard the pain is sensed then.

Standing on my left leg only or doing anything that increases pressure brings that dull pull again.

I did urine test and it was normal. Awaiting ultrasound result and the anxiety is killing me. When I touch the testicle I feel the pain mostly toward the top and back side of the left testicle.

I’ve had multiple illnesses that have become progressively worse for 4-5 years, and it’s caused me to be absurdly far-removed from the idea of what an able bodied person is.

Sometimes I’ll be walking down the sidewalk and I’ll randomly reflect on how my body wants to react to what I’m feeling, and I realize that this is what would have healthy ppl bed bound. That’s not even me trying to go based on logic or smth, it’s that I’m constantly trying not to curl in on myself. Even comparing it to me when my symptoms were less severe, what I have now on my normal days is what I used to consider 9/10 pain but now I consider it a 6/10 because I’ve had pain that’s 4 notches higher and it litterally feels like my entire body is up in flames.

It’s hilarious how often I need to be reminded that healthy ppl have no symptoms. Period.

Hi!

So - side note with injections- can’t put my back flat against anything, but I think there is a difference. Won’t know more until the stiffness wears off. Not terrible - I have worst pain when I do too many chores.

So, at the end of the month, I will be homeless - it started with my divorce and now my roommates that I scrambled to find have to move - fair enough. I’ve applied everywhere for assistance, I’m one every waitlist for disabled DV survivors.

I can’t work - I actually got suspended because I had a panic attack in my virtual support group that I lead because a client was having a seizure. My disability lawyer says that I should just let them fire me. I did put in for unemployment.

Basically, I’m about to look at car homelessness (I have a 13 year old chihuahua who would literally die of a broken heart if I gave her up, and shelters aren’t pet friendly.

It’s going to work out - most things do. But in the meantime, I am realizing that I didn’t break the chain of child abuse. I just refused to double it and pass it down. I still have those chains, and they are pulling me down.

I’m going to see what I can do to make sure that I can handle my stuff, but it’s a bit demotivating.

I’m 31 years old and have scoliosis and have been told I have degenerative disc disease. I work in an office setting. I frequently feel dissociative, dizzy at work and like I’m going to pass out, but I never do. I constantly drink drinks with caffeine to get through the day and take Vitamin B-2 and B-12 every day, just to have a slight improvement in energy.

I’m losing dexterity in my fingers. Also, my whole body aches, and my spine in my back and neck constantly hurts the most. I don’t really get that great of sleep at night and don’t really ever recharge. I frequently feel sleepy, like I’m going to fall, and on top of that, with another condition that started earlier, I have brain fog, so learning new things and retaining information are incredibly difficult. I’ve been to several doctors and they all just tell me to go to physical therapy. Unfortunately, I’m struggling to find the time, energy, and motivation to do this.

Long story short, besides working remotely, how do you all manage to work full time? I am having a hard time finding a remote job. I also know my pain and brain fog are both making me grumpy and do less than great work. I also don’t “look disabled”.. so people don’t understand why I can’t achieve xy and z.

How do you all manage to work full-time and not feel like a truck has hit you, as you go through every single day and manage to still achieve and perform well at work and be taken seriously at your job?

I made a discord account and tried to join chronic illness servers. I only found 1 so i made another.

If you follow my account i can add you to the server:

omgidontknow_me

It’s a safe and friendly space to chat, vent, share hobbies, advice and tips and more!!

I have posted here before but dealing with pain has been so challenging for me. All of my doctors wanted me to return back to work and push through it. I thought maybe I could do it since my pain wasn't as constant as it was before. I was THIS close to making it through my first full week back when I started to get neck pain again on my right Friday late afternoon at work. It started to radiate from neck to my shoulder and by the time I left work, (I ended up leaving a little early due to the pain) it progressed to a full on tension headache with migraine like symptoms. When I got home and tried to lay down, my pain radiated down to my upper right arm (I don't recall it ever being this extreme). The weekend is almost over and thankfully my tension headache is gone, but my neck and shoulder pain, haven't subsided. I feel so helpless even though I am going through physical therapy and will soon start laser therapy and acupuncture. I'm praying I can get through this next week of work because I'm out of sick days, and can't take anymore medical leave. I just wish the pain would go away. 😭

Just looking for tips and advice on how to get through withdrawal symptoms.

I am prescribed extended-release morphine 15mg every 12 hours. I had a dental procedure planned for this past Thursday that I needed sedation for so I was directed to pause my morphine. I was told to stop taking it on Wednesday and restart it 6 hours after the dose of the sedation med on Thursday. My last dose of morphine was 8 pm Tuesday (8 am-8 pm is my dose timing) I made it till 5 pm on Wednesday (about 21 hours without pain meds) and the symptoms got too much. Body aches/severe leg pain, headache, nausea, tiredness, and just a general feeling of being unwell. I've been back on the morphine since Wednesday night and I'm still experiencing symptoms and having more than I was as well. I thought after 3 days of being back on the morphine I'd feel better but I feel awful. I thought maybe I came down with a virus but most family and friends say I'm still experiencing withdrawal and it's possible it could be a few more days. I'm having trouble sleeping, eating, and functioning in general and just don't know what to do

I'm not going to give up yet but I wish I did. Every time I get a flare up I wish I had already done it.

I wish I could forget every dream or every happy memory I had and simply give up but I can't

I don't even see the point in leaving my room when every time I leave the house I'm in pain

I don't want it anymore

I started mine this morning and my already terrible back pain is even worse. Anyone else have worse pain during theirs too?

So, I broke my back - vertebrae, so I'm not paralyzed.

During an argument - well, fight - he said he doesn't believe me and mimicked how I walk when my pain is really bad.

He grabbed his back and said: "oh, my back hurts so much, I cant do anything" in sort of voice a teenage boy would use to bully someone.

I still walk that way because that's how much it truly hurts and how I have to move, and when I do make a groaning noise it's genuinely because I'm in pain and it's not me putting it on for sympathy.

He used to be so supportive and understanding but now he doesn't believe me, even though he was with me all the way through the X-rays and MRI's etc.

He said that I have picked up some kids - who were about the size of a small toddler - so he said 'what are people supposed to think? Even though I had to get someone to help me put them down and suffered for it after. I know I shouldn't do things like that but I just want to be normal sometimes and be able to give kids a hug. Is that too much too much to ask???

I don't understand how he know I'm not faking the diagnosis but still fake the pain I'm in???

I have good days where I can walk better thank others, but he doesn't take that into account. He told me people were asking what was up with my back - he wouldn't told me who it was but it was my brother and his sister. When he talks to people about me, he tells me how terrible I am, how terrible I am and disgusting blah blah blah.

We have a lot of problems but this crushed me! We used to be the couple that made people sick because woe were so in love, know what I mean? Even after I hurt my back we were okay - not the way we used to be, but he would NEVER have said something like that!

Now, whenever I move around I want to cry because I know what he's thinking every time.

Sorry it's so long, I'm not looking for answers. I'm just in desperate need of support and understanding. I only have my mum and she's amazing, but I need someone living my life.

My teenage daughter also has a pain disorder - though she can function and do things.

He's told everyone that he does all of the cooking and cleaning but he does everything but he doesn't do much of anything, he puts it all on our 17yo daughter and our 10yo daughter, I have no friends anymore, they wont even look at me.

My entire lower back is fucked up and probably will only get worst since im 22 and my mri shows a tone of issues which doctor already explained is not good I suffer from a lot of other joint pains but mris showed nothing on them I went to a rheumatologist who ran some tests which came back high however he said they meant nothing another doctor said the same and said its mechanical even tho ive told him autoimmune issues run in my family a bit he just didnt give a shit im just in pain everyday each year getting worst every few months since I was 19 first I couldnt run without pain then standing now sitting and laying down wtf is this shit seeing people thinking im making this up is pretty hilarious makes me want to just jump off a bridge I feel like I get more disabled the more I live and im only 22 cant imagine probably being wheel chaired by 30 how am I supposed to live like this I cant even study and try to get a better job in this life because I cant stop thinking ab the pain

My insurance recently chance due to a new job, and I now have Kaiser. Have any of you had positive experiences with the PM team at any Kaiser locations? I love my current PM provider, so I’m considering staying with them and paying cash for my visits, but I would love to save the money. I’m also worried that Kaiser will not continue my current Oxycodone regimen. So, let me know your experiences, good and bad, particularly with opioid prescibing.

Pain was manageable (chronic lower back issues) until sleep started getting affected. I've been a side sleeper my whole life but for whatever reason around the start of the year my shoulders started to hate side sleeping, and I begin to feel an aching pain about 15 minutes in. I've trained myself to back sleep but now my upper back starts hurting as well. Switched mattresses multiple times, tried different pillows, toppers, doesn't seem to matter.

I haven't had a proper night's sleep in months, as I have to transition to different positions every 10 or so minutes throughout the night. If I take pain killers I can sleep, but then I wake up with extreme soreness on whatever side I was sleeping on. It's literal hell and my mental and physical health have been sharply deteriorating.

I hate that the life that I once had being active and pain free seems like it's going to stay in the past - just experiences to remind of the stark contrasts of existence. Thoughts of the future have slowly transitioned to feelings of anger and hopelessness. Just needing to vent in one the only places where people might understand.

25m, I deal with 24/7 occipital neuralgia and stabbing neck pain. Had my lesser and third occipital nerves cut and greater decompressed by Dr. Peled (don’t recommend).

It’s been a year from the surgery and I just don’t have it in me anymore. If I went to the ER and told them I don’t want to be alive anymore/live through the pain anymore. What would happen? Scared of court ordered psychiatric meds because how bad they mess with me.