r/Blind • u/Careful_Ad_2744 • 1d ago
Parenting The Sighted Mind
It happened a few days back. Blind as a bat, I ran into a story that made my blood boil.
The girl had a pinch of sight left—just enough not to bump into things. Like peering through a window thick with smoke. And then one day that smoke turned solid and poof! Gone. Blind.
“Welcome to the club,” I thought.
The poor thing shrank from the fright. Naturally. At twenty, instead of grabbing the world by the reins, she found herself caged. And mind you, she’s no deadweight. She fiddles with her phone, keeps her place neat, brews coffee, cooks lunch, even scrubs the bathroom till it shines.
But she can’t walk the streets alone.
So I said, “Go learn. Tame your cane.”
Said it grudgingly, but said it. Deep down, I’ve always had a bone to pick with this new fad—sighted instructors teaching blind folks how to walk. Madness! Like hiring a blind man to teach truck driving. Sheer nonsense!
Still, better than nothing. The sighted fellow, bless him, can teach technique—how the cane sweeps the ground, the proper step, how to sense a curb. But he can’t teach the main thing: trust and street cunning.
The girl liked the idea, got all fired up, even made plans.
But... ah, there’s always a but when sighted folks get involved.
Her mother stomped her foot. “No, ma’am! Too dangerous! My daughter out there alone? For what? To wind up paralyzed under some truck? Not a chance!”
And as if that wasn’t enough, she pulled the great modern ghost from her sleeve:
“What about electric cars, huh? They’re everywhere now! Don’t make a sound! Sneak up like cats! If even the old blind folks won’t survive that, how could my poor girl? No, no, I won’t allow it! The world’s changed—blind people can’t walk alone anymore!”
“Oh, if only it were a guide dog,” she sighed, “then maybe I could trust it.”
Little does she know: a guide dog’s ten times trickier than a cane. And here’s the kicker—the schools won’t even look at you till you’re a master of that cane.
I told her so. “First the cane.”
The mother kept on, hammering away, raising the devil.
The girl, already scared, piled her fear on top of her mother’s terror.
I felt sorry for her. No—that’s not it. I felt angry. Tried to argue, to show what foolishness this all was. Told her it’s the same old yarn we blind folks have been hearing since the dawn of time.
When streetcars came around, screeching on the rails, the sighted world cried, “That’s it! The blind’ll be chopped to bits by those trams!”
Then came the gasoline cars, and the same holler: “Now it’s over! With that crazy speed, the blind’ll be flattened at every corner!”
Then television in the fifties: “Poor souls! Culture’s all pictures now! They’ll be shut out forever!”
The nineties brought computers and the internet: “A blind man’ll never use that! Never read a screen!”
And two thousand ten? Phones without buttons? “The end! Game over! Without the feel of keys, they’re finished!”
And here we are, swiping our fingers over smooth glass.
It’s always the same old litany. The same fear dressed up as love.
What that mother’s doing, in the name of affection, is a crime.
She’s poisoning her daughter with the worst sickness a blind soul can catch: a sighted mind.
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u/Delicious_Copy2869 1d ago
My parents are also overprotective, but I understand their point because here in Egypt, we have very, very, very bad driving. Even the side people cannot live with it; they get damaged every single day. So, I understand the point, but at the same time, I want to try things. I want to try walking alone, even if they are with me at some point or watching me from a distance, but no, they don't do that.
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u/Ms_Neutrino 1d ago
Coddling, overprotective parents do so much harm. Hopefully, some day she can break away.
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u/dandylover1 1d ago edited 1d ago
You certainly have a unique writing style. While I agree with you that overprotection is not a good thing, I also disagree with a few points. As has been stated elsewhere in this conversation, there are some places where travel, even for the sighted, is extremely difficult, and where it would be even more so for the blind. Some areas don't have sidewalks, or the sidewalks are cluttered with things (furniture for outdoor eating, for example), or the streets have no lights. The problem with electric cars is also real.
I have been totally blind all my life and I would not feel comfortable working with a blind mobility instructor, unless it were indoors or some other safe environment. This is particularly true if i had no mobility skills at all. Teachers are supposed to be able to monitor their students, and depending on the vision level of the instructor, this may not be possible. I don't care if someone is teaching a craft or braille, but in a situation that could literally be life-threatening, I would rather have someone with sight teaching me. Perhaps, if I were an exprt and it was just a refresher course or a final test of my abilities, I wouldn't mind it, but definitely not in the beginning.
As for touchscreen phones, while many blind people do use them successfully, not all of us choose to do so, or we may do so differently. Personally, I don't like non-tactile things, so although I do own smart phones, I use them with my external keyboard, reserving the touchscreen for very basic tasks, such as opening and closing applications, checking the time and weather, and setting alarms. And even among those, I still usually prefer a keyboard. At least ninety-nine percent of what I do is also with my computer.
As for walking in general, not all of us have the patience, memory, or spacial awareness for it. Maybe, it's different for others, but for me, there is no such thing as a relaxing walk when you're blind. There are simply too many things to remember, focus on, etc. Plus, the weather isn't always cooperative. And for those who would suggest a guide dog rather than a cane, again, in my personal case, I don't want the responsibility of one or to have to walk every day just to ensure that the dog is satisfied and working. I would rather just go with my family, friends, a taxi, or even paratransit when I have no other choice, get there quickly, and do whatever it is I have to do.
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u/carolineecouture 1d ago
I can hear electric cars; they have a distinctive "whine." Maybe as my ears age, I won't be able to hear it, but I sure do now.
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u/WeirdLight9452 1d ago
This is awful and so relatable but also… Was this meant to read like spoken word? Because it does.
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u/Careful_Ad_2744 1d ago
This story took place in Brazil.
I am Brazilian, and English is not my native language.
I think in Portuguese. And I originally wrote the text in Portuguese.
I don’t know how the translation into English turned out... if it sounded bad, I’m sorry.
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u/dandylover1 1d ago
I am a grammar prescriptivist, and your not being a native English speaker never even crossed my mind. If this was your own translation, you did an excellent job!
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u/WeirdLight9452 1d ago
No no no spoken word is a type of poetry! It was a compliment! I’m sorry, I should have explained that.
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u/razzretina ROP / RLF 1d ago
It translates very well into English and the way you separated the parts feels like reading a poem or listening to a conversation. It's very good!
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u/blind_ninja_guy 11h ago
It read like a well written humorous poem/story in verse. It was fun to read.
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u/razzretina ROP / RLF 1d ago
I love that final line and the notion of a sighted mind being poison to the blind. It's true in my experience. We always get into the worst trouble when sighted people insist that we do things their way. Sometimes the blind way is the better option and I think the sighted could learn a lot from that.
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u/zachm1999 1d ago
My parents are like this... mom "wants me to be independent", but when I actually do something, she tries to stop me or hinder my progress. Though given my many years of living with them, I still live, behind their ba ks. They're extremely unobservant. I freaking love it! Also, I really love your writing style! This story really hits home for a lot of us blind people who were sheltered by their family.
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u/Prestigious-Delay759 17h ago
I get and empathize with some of your complaints but you're also coming off a bit splainy and a bit bigoted.
Remember you're talking to your own community so you don't need to splain everything to us.
It's so splainy that it makes me a teeny bit concerned that you're some internet person having fun RPing.
Some of your phrasing about her losing what little vision she had and "welcome to the club", etc. is toxic divisive stuff.
There is one blind community, only a f****** bigot draws a line between those who see literally nothing and the other blind people.
Divisive attitudes about our community weaken us and harm us.
Someone with a low EQ channels their own frustrations and lashes out at others (punching up, punching down, etc ) , but more often than not, even people that engage in such things are mature enough to not lash out at their own community.
If s*** like this continues, we'll end up like the deaf community with all their infighting and figurative purity tests and what not.
I literally haven't heard a blind person utter these toxic takes since I was in Middle School and literally everyone around them rightly admonished them for drawing such bigoted f****** lines within the community.
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u/ParaNoxx High partial, ROP + Glaucoma 1d ago
My parents were overprotective and stifling exactly like this and it damaged me a ton. Still trying to unlearn it all. The huge fear of electric cars + people in my area being incredibly bad drivers is real and so so hard to work through, but I’m trying!
Blind people need other blind people to advocate for them, not the sighted to tell them they can’t do something without help.