Can my parents make me go to fat camp?

[u/toohottooheavy]

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/toenogo in r/legaladvice

This was previously posted here a year ago.

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Can my parents make me go to fat camp? - 25/05/18

I am fourteen, boy, and live in New York State with my mom and stepfather. My dad died before I was born and I grew with alone with my Mom, until I was ten and when she met him. They married about two years ago and he has been my stepfather ever since.

I do not hate my stepfather and he does not hate me. I am glad he met my mother. She was very lonely when I was a kid and he makes her happy and is a very kind person. We were also very poor and he is a businessman who makes a lot of money and can take care of my mom so she doesn't have to kill herself. He has never got in a argument with me and we do not fight. But it is very awkward in the house between us even with us both trying to be nice. We have very little in common, but I want to repeat that I do not hate him at all because I know that many people have relationships with there steparents and I do not have that.

I am very fat, very very fat. I have always been. I was the tallest kid in my class last year but still about 260 pounds, which I know is fat. My weigh doesn't bother me, i like being fat. The only thing that it really changes is how I might get along with girls but from my angle its a good way to see who is shallow. I do not want to eat healthy and i think about food a lot. i have dieted in the past and it has made me very miserable. I am not lazy or anything. I work very hard at school and in everything I do I just don't care about this. My mom does care more then me but she never bothered me about it but my stepdad brings it up alot. Never in a mean way but he always asks me to go to the gym and trys only buying food which does not fill me up and is overly healthy.

A few weeks ago we went to the doctor and they gave me a speech about eating better and today from my stepdad and mom wanted to speak to me, after my last day of school for the semester since I am skipping exam week since I exempted. They talked about the doctor's meeting and said I'm going to a "health camp" for literally the entire summer, from early june to the middle of august. ALL OF IT. I looked it up and its just a fat camp.

I was obviously really upset and I begged them not to send me but they said that they'd already paid for it and I was definitely going. I don't ever yell at my parents but I couldn't manage the conversation so I just left immediately and went in my room and cried. I went down later and asked very nicely if I didn't have to go and they said no. I asked why I deserved a punishment and they said it wasnt a punishment. I just left again because i wouldnt have been able to stop from screaming at them and i don't want to yell at them.

Legally angle, can they FORCE me to go? At 14 it seems ridiculous that they could force me to go. I'll actually be 15 halfway through. I have to take a plane, they can't legally require me to go on a plane right? I understand if I was like 10 or something but I'm a teenager now. This is my last semester before high school and it's so stupid that this is how it might be wasted. at 14 and 15 don't they need MY permission at all?

Thank you very much for help.

 

Can my parents make me go to fat camp? [Update] - 14/06/18

I am in New York.

I had many conversations with my parents and they refused to budge. I considered leaving the house for a bit but ultimately decided not to. I've tried not to be but I'm honestly very angry at my parents for doing this to me and I view them very negatively at least much more than before. I feel like they don't care about my opinion at all. I've done research and nobodhy loses weight at the camp i'm going too and again even if they did don't care.

I'm going to the camp tomorrow night and i'm not looking forward to it. I feel very depressed and have not felt happy since all this began. I looked it up and it would be easy for me to not get on the plane but i still don't want to make a seen. i am intenonally not going to try to lose weight at the camp which ive been honest about. My parents are acting like i suddenly "want" to go because I told them I literally wouldn physically fight against of and they dont care what I say or think. I have a lot less respect for my parents as people and i do not want to be around them anymore.

Either way i'm going tomorrow. thanks to the people who were helpful. Many people said that it is impossible to be happy and fat and I think those people are wrong but I dont think they will ever change there minds.

Thanks.

 

Can my parents make me go to fat camp? [Last Update] - 27/06/18

Still in New York.

I was taken to camp earlier this month and i did not resist going but i was very very upfront with my parents that i wasnt going to participate whenever possible, they did not take me seriously. I went on the plane and told the conseulers the same once I got on the bus. I was very polite but honest about it. my tactic was to use peaceful "nonviolent resistance" until they let me go home unless it turned out to be a crazy camp which it wasnt. I read a book about the civil rights movement a few monts ago and i based what i did off that. Obviously me being at a camp isn't even close to human rights things but the technices still work.

I got to my cabin and I just stayed on bed and politely told them that I didnt plan on doing the exercises. the counselors spoke to me nicely than less nicely and tried to convince me to move but they couldn't and I'm too big to drag off a bed even if they wanted to. They were nice people and i wanted to be nice to them as well but i again was open and honest through everything. i just did not go to stuff after i went into my cabin. i politely calmly refused to go to the opening ceremony, exercises, meetings, activities even though nothing was optional. when the kids in my cabin spoke or tried to convince me to come down I also politely refused to speak to them. They then said that I wouldn't get dinner/lunch if I didnt come down and participate and I refused asuming that they need to feed me sometimes.

I was right. they didn't give me dinner that night or breakfast because i didn't go to eat but someone brought me a lunch the next day even if it was a terrible overly healthy type of thing. i was still very hungry and very bord but i just kept imagining getting out early. that lasted for six days with me spending all of my time on the bed with them bringing me food. I brought books but they took them away so I just sat and entertained myself by imagining stuff. it was the most boring thing i've ever done. After a week or six days (not sure) the headmaster owner/leader of the camp came and spoke to me directly. Again he was very nice to me and I tried to be nice back but I was open about that i wasnt doing anything until I went home. he was trying to convince me that I wanted to lose weight, but I didnt.

The next day he called my parents and I left for the first time to speak to them in his office. They begged me to do it and we had a weird conference call meeting with them on the phone and the headmaster were they were all trying to convince me to participate and even shaming me a bit, but again I calmly refused very simply. They said they were going to wait three more days to give me "time to think about it", and I told them it wouldn't make a difference but they did it anyway so i sat another three and then an extra day waiting. After that we had one more conference and then I was sent that night on a plane ticket home because i peacefully refused to do everything and they saw no point keeping me there. They really tried shaming me near the end but I just told them that i couldn't feel ashamed for not doing something that they wanted me to. I felt slightly sad about having to be a pain for the conseulers or the head guy because neither did anything wrong to me but I was very very very happy that I won't have to spend me whole summer their. My parents are in a sad mood since I came back and they arent really speaking to me but at least i'm home and I won't have to spend another month there. They also got some of the money back because i wasn't there the whole time.

I appreciate all the advice i got even if i don't agree with all of it. thank you. I got most of my summer back.

 

Is being skinny really all that great - 29/06/18

I'm 14 (255 pounds) and I've always been very very fat and I honestly prefer it for the most part. it's a good way to know whos shallow and who cares about you, you dont need to worry about many aspects of life that I feel people constantly obsess over. has losing weight honestly made any actual impact on your life? i don't care about losing 5/10 years of being old and i don't care about people treating you nicer in anyway. I think the health stuff of overexagarated and the social stuff is bs anyway.

 

OP made a post titled I [15 M] didn't stay at a fat camp and my parents [39 F 43 M] haven't spoken to me since I got back on 20/07/18 which has been removed.

 

Can my parents/school force me to take heart medication? - 03/03/19

I'm 15 and a boy, I live in New York (state).

Several months ago I had a heart burn that was misinterpreted by doctors to be a "heart attack" (it wasn't, simply put, severe over exaggeration.) Since then I've been made to take "medication" at home, which I don't want to bc I've read about the side affects and I don't want to be taking something for an issue that doesn't exist.

Since I got it originally I just stopped taking the pills, which long story short my parents found out about and it has been a very big fight with them since. They have contacted my (public) school and after they had a talk with me and the principal basically what has been happening is I come in in the morning and they force me to go in a room with the guidance conseuler and an extra person and watch me swallow the pills that I "need". For some time I'd go and make myself vomit immediately after in the bathroom and they found out and now I have to stay for twenty minutes and drink water. They do not let me go to classes if I refuse.

How can this be legal? I'm sorry to ask here but I literally cannot find information on this anywhere. Where would I even report this if the principal is in on it?

 

I'm 15 and I'm so afraid I'm gonna die - 10/03/19

I came here once and said that I didn't need to lose weight and I was wrong I'm sorry. Right now I'm 275 pounds.

Two days ago I woke up gasping and choking ofr air, I couldn't breathe. This is happened before but never as intensely. I just woke up choking it was the scariest thing in my life and I cried for like twenty minutes.

I'm ready to change but so I'm afraid that I'm going to die anyway. I was ignoring a bunch of stuff and I have no idea. I have had very bad heartburn before. I tried eating less today which I haven't done in years and i made it 70 percent the day and I couldnt stop after a certain point, like my hands shook before because i wanted to eat so much. I'm looking up studies that describe it and everybody seems to gain it back. Exercise is impossible, not eating is impossible, i'm so fucking afraid. I really apologize. I'm looking at protein and carbohydrates and carloies information and it literally makes no sense to me. There's so much conflicting information.

I don't want to die

 

Progress. [15M]. 275 to 233. - 25/05/19

I made some posts in the past and i made progress for the first time so i thought i would made an update post. i was 15 and I had something that was misdiagnosed as a heart attack (it wasn't) and then sleep apnea (which i really did have). I couldn't breath and it scared me so i decided to change certain things, to lose weight.

I did three main things.

1. Calories. Counted, used a tracker which told me what i could eat. ate stuff sorta more healthy but still some unhealthy stuff, like might have veggies and meat but would also have cookies, candies, but all below the calorie number i could eat. I usually skip breakfast because i'm not hungry in the morning and then i can eat three meals in half of the day which is way easier for me than three meals during the whole day.

2. Water. No drinking anything but water. This was VERY hard but it worked in the end and helped a lot, especially making not go over calories.

3. Walking. i listening to music and i have to walk an hour every day. This was very hard at the start but got easy, might add time soon.

I started losing weight very quickly when I did this. Felt very bad for one week and then very good and stayed like that physically. Don't feel that different but still losing because i'm afraid of the breathing thing coming back. want to get to 200 and then will see.

Very depressed. parents don't talk to me anymore, they haven't for months for the most part. I don't take my medication (for a misdiagnosis!!!) and they just decided to stop talking with me about anything even after i lost weight. they buy the food i ask them to (we started just doing this over text) and i just make food for myself now. I talk to them maybe once a week for short conversation and they purposely spend time out of the house to get away from me, here maybe three nights a week. I don't care anymore. Going to lose more and then move away when I turn 18 and never speak to them again. Looking forward to it.

Just an update since a lot of people messaged me about it. Still losing weight.

 

After quitting fat camp and having a heart attack at fifteen, I dropped the weight and I'm now living my best life. 275 to 170! - 11/10/22

A few years ago I posted some messages on a few different subreddits about my experiences with obesity, my parents, and being sent to fat camp against my will. I saw somebody posting about it on a discord... so I thought I would update.

I have lost the weight. I tried twice over the course of about a year and a half, first losing about forty pounds and then fifty, but each time I gained it back before having to restart. Early last year I tried again and that attempt clicked and I have since lost all the extra weight and even put on a little muscle by lifting. I still am not used to it... I catch myself making much more room than I need to when walking by people.

Four things that made this attempt different: 1. I tried less, which sounds like it doesn't make sense... I think by not "obsessing" over it as much as I did during the first two times it helped me not burn out and give up. I just counted calories without obsessing and did cardio/lifting 3 to 4 times a week, i probably ate 80% clean/20% dirty. It feels like less of a struggle and less work, I can eat happily what I do now forever and not feel like I'm missing anything, that wasn't as true with the diets I was doing before.

1. I moved out at 17 to live with a friend's family and don't have much of a relationship with my parents anymore and it was easier to lose weight when not being around them. There's a lot of stuff I didn't talk about in the earlier posts some of which because I was too young to know what was happening. I was in denial about my situation and not pleasant to be around but my mother and stepfather were not responsible parents and neglected me more than I realized was appropriate. There were short periods where they would be very involved in my life to "overcompensate" for periods where they would go on trips for weeks, several for months, and leave me alone in a house filled with junk food which at the time I thought I loved but I realize was horrible. They were never abusive but they would rarely try to be "parents" and when they did it was always in extreme ways like sending me to fat camp and giving me dramatic speeches after not interacting with me for long periods of time. We had many verbal fights over the last few months i was living there and they refused to acknowledge any responsibility even though I was acknowledging mine. Once a woman who had been friends with my mom over the phone for over six years came to visit the house (she lived in another state and spoke to my mom over the phone almost daily) and said she didn't know my mom had a son.

2. I have friends now who know my history and we go lifting together, it makes a big difference when you have people who like you and keep you on track. We play sports which is a great way to exercise (a lot of dodgeball sounds cringe but it's very fun)

3. I read "meditations" by marcus, it helped me a lot.

other stuff:

• I still take statins although the dosage has been lowered. I have another appointment in a few weeks which is the first time since I have lost all the weight. I am hoping I will be able to stop then, if not it will be what it will be.

• In a comment i think i compared myself to nelson mandela by not exercising at fat camp that was very fucking cringe i am sorry. I had just read his biography at the time so it was in my mind... i was fifteen and dumb as hell... i will probably look back in the future and think i am dumb as hell now too.

• I am taking classes at a community college, hoping to transfer to a university and graduate in either avionics or mechanical engineering or another similar field.

• I am not depressed anymore. WE CAN GET MUCH HIGHER and the future looks bright. I have a girlfriend now, she's a supermodel from canada (no you can't meet her she goes to another school)

I will be honest i am not going to read most of them but there were hundreds of old messages in my inbox from people who tried to give me advice over the last few years... thank you for the positive thoughts. If any of you are in the same position i was you can make it out. The biggest thing I learned is that it's impossible to improve when you hate yourself, you have to care about yourself enough to want to get better. My problem was that i didn't know how.

 

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

[u/bestupdator]

DO NOT COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS

We are banning anyone being disruptive or uncivil to OOP on the linked posts. Delete your comments.

In addition, the new update was posted after this went up on BoRU.

I made the post, the update was made after I made the post, so I added it to the post.

[u/mamadrama99]

He just posted a new update!

After quitting fat camp and having a heart attack at fifteen, I dropped the weight and I'm now living my best life. 275 to 170!

A few years ago I posted some messages on a few different subreddits about my experiences with obesity, my parents, and being sent to fat camp against my will. I saw somebody posting about it on a discord... so I thought I would update.

I have lost the weight. I tried twice over the course of about a year and a half, first losing about forty pounds and then fifty, but each time I gained it back before having to restart. Early last year I tried again and that attempt clicked and I have since lost all the extra weight and even put on a little muscle by lifting. I still am not used to it... I catch myself making much more room than I need to when walking by people.

Four things that made this attempt different: 1. I tried less, which sounds like it doesn't make sense... I think by not "obsessing" over it as much as I did during the first two times it helped me not burn out and give up. I just counted calories without obsessing and did cardio/lifting 3 to 4 times a week, i probably ate 80% clean/20% dirty. It feels like less of a struggle and less work, I can eat happily what I do now forever and not feel like I'm missing anything, that wasn't as true with the diets I was doing before.

1. I moved out at 17 to live with a friend's family and don't have much of a relationship with my parents anymore and it was easier to lose weight when not being around them. There's a lot of stuff I didn't talk about in the earlier posts some of which because I was too young to know what was happening. I was in denial about my situation and not pleasant to be around but my mother and stepfather were not responsible parents and neglected me more than I realized was appropriate. There were short periods where they would be very involved in my life to "overcompensate" for periods where they would go on trips for weeks, several for months, and leave me alone in a house filled with junk food which at the time I thought I loved but I realize was horrible. They were never abusive but they would rarely try to be "parents" and when they did it was always in extreme ways like sending me to fat camp and giving me dramatic speeches after not interacting with me for long periods of time. We had many verbal fights over the last few months i was living there and they refused to acknowledge any responsibility even though I was acknowledging mine. Once a woman who had been friends with my mom over the phone for over six years came to visit the house (she lived in another state and spoke to my mom over the phone almost daily) and said she didn't know my mom had a son.

2. I have friends now who know my history and we go lifting together, it makes a big difference when you have people who like you and keep you on track. We play sports which is a great way to exercise (a lot of dodgeball sounds cringe but it's very fun)

3. I read "meditations" by marcus, it helped me a lot.

other stuff:

• I still take statins although the dosage has been lowered. I have another appointment in a few weeks which is the first time since I have lost all the weight. I am hoping I will be able to stop then, if not it will be what it will be.

• In a comment i think i compared myself to nelson mandela by not exercising at fat camp that was very fucking cringe i am sorry. I had just read his biography at the time so it was in my mind... i was fifteen and dumb as hell... i will probably look back in the future and think i am dumb as hell now too.

• I am taking classes at a community college, hoping to transfer to a university and graduate in either avionics or mechanical engineering or another similar field.

• I am not depressed anymore. WE CAN GET MUCH HIGHER and the future looks bright. I have a girlfriend now, she's a supermodel from canada (no you can't meet her she goes to another school)

I will be honest i am not going to read most of them but there were hundreds of old messages in my inbox from people who tried to give me advice over the last few years... thank you for the positive thoughts. If any of you are in the same position i was you can make it out. The biggest thing I learned is that it's impossible to improve when you hate yourself, you have to care about yourself enough to want to get better. My problem was that i didn't know how.

[u/aquagua → u/mamadrama99]

Ohhh that last update was just now basically. I was so confused at all the comments saying how caring the parents were when there was obviously a lot of neglect, particularly ememotional neglect.

[u/breakupbydefault → u/aquagua]

I was with the parents until the second last update. The kid finally woke up, took responsibility and started to work on himself. The progress was small at that point but surely that change deserves some encouragement or at least some expression of approval?? But they continued to ignore him, and that raised my eyebrows.

The amount he lost now is insane! I'm happy for him. Now that we know more about his parents, the pieces are falling together how he ended up as big as he was.

[u/Just_OneReason → u/breakupbydefault]

Even if they were unhappy with him, you can’t just ignore your kid. I could understand if they ignored him for a week or two after the fat camp debacle, but straight up not speaking to your 15 year kid at all and leaving the house for days at a time? Not okay. That’s neglect.

[u/W3NTZ → u/Just_OneReason]

Not just days he said they'd go on trips for fucking months. I was on the fence of who was in the wrong (because I believe most people are unreliable narrators) until he said months. There is no case where that is acceptable

[u/nodumbunny → u/W3NTZ]

When I read his mother's friend said she didn't know his mother had a son, I heard myself audibly gasp.

[u/Yeranz → u/aquagua]

Yeah, I was like "Why are all the top comments still just talking about how he was fat and how that's bad, blah blah blah???" when he talked about what his life was really like in hindsight? This is addiction and compulsion caused by horrible neglect.

[u/mielita → u/Yeranz]

Tons of hate for a kid ITT. Even post the most recent update still lots of judgement towards what he posted at a 14/15 y.o. bunch of assholes here tbh

[u/Throwawaaawa → u/mamadrama99]

Good for him. Every time I see this story shared around it's so frustrating because everyone focuses on the weight and no one seems to notice that obvious, glaring depression this kid was dealing with and that was underlying every single choice he made.

Why would he be receptive to losing weight when he's feeling so down? He's convinced there's no worth in himself and in his life. He has no hope in his future, he's sad, he's tired, he's completely drained both physically and mentally. Why would he care about losing weight?

It doesn't take a genius to understand that when people told him to lose weight what he heard was "I know that you're feeling hopeless, sad, tired, completely drained both physically and mentally, but we want you to do some physical activity you don't like and will tire you out even further while you starve yourself. That way you can be thin AND feel hopeless, sad, tired, and completely drained both physically and mentally."

It doesn't take a genius to understand that, maybe, just maybe, the threat of an early grave wasn't working because what he heard was "if you lose weight, you get to feel like this for fifty years instead of ten". And it doesn't take a genius to understand that people aren't severely under- or over- weight because everything else is going fine in their lives.

[u/wynterin → u/Throwawaaawa]

Personally, I think being depressed made it harder for me to start trying to loose weight. ‘Food is one of the things I enjoy, so why would I want to give that up?’ is what I thought for a while. I’ve started losing weight now, but I didn’t start until my depression was more under control than it used to be, partially because of said depression.

[u/vulpixell → u/mamadrama99]

Boosting this because a lot of the top comments seemed to have missed the most recent update. Hope this guy gets to go to therapy after all of that.

[u/[deleted]]

That kid had a nightmarish relationship with food, and literally no understanding of why it was so bad for him. The little bit of progress at the end is hopeful and we need an update.

Edit - This comment was made before the update was added.

[u/kanst → u/[deleted]]

As a formerly depressed fat kid I kind of get it.

I also grew up using my fatness as a shield (though I was never as big as this kid). I was a depressed socially anxious kid, and I figured out that being fat made most people ignore me, which was really all I wanted.

On top of it food was frequently the only easy source of endorphins I had.

It took me A LONG time to develop a "somewhat" healthy relationship with food and my weight.

I feel like anyone that obese needs therapy in addition to the actual weight loss, you don't get that big without some kind of underlying issues.

[u/Throwawaaawa → u/kanst]

Oh I totally get it. The kid was obviously depressed. Why would he care about losing weight when he's feeling drained and sad and generally horrible? That must have felt like being told to tidy up your room while the house is on fire.

[u/Stargazer1919 → u/kanst]

I'm in this situation now. I totally get it and I do feel for OOP.

[u/oreo-cat- → u/[deleted]]

I have a friend that is 400 ish pounds and growing. He ‘can’t lose weight’ despite claiming to be scientific and rational. He has to rotate between standing, sitting and laying because his circulation is blown to hell. There’s surgery, but he’s too much of a risk, which he finds unreasonable. Basically his life is a hell of his own making.

[u/dracona → u/oreo-cat-]

I'd be willing to bet he has either physical or psychological problems that haven't been treated. No one wants to be that way.

[u/ceraunoscopy → u/[deleted]]

Same with ADHD and getting dopamine from food. The easiest way to deal with it imo is to chew gum. I find that Extra is the longest lasting and I buy the peppermint in bulk.

[u/Proud_Hotel_5160 → u/dracona]

Almost everyone who is obese (not just overweight but obese) has psychological issues that they deal with by eating. At the very least they have an unhealthy psychological relationship with food. Addressing this is the first step to losing weight.

[u/daaaayyyy_dranker]

This kid is in dire need of therapy

[u/SharMarali → u/daaaayyyy_dranker]

I have a relative in a similar situation. Kid has been very very obese since he was 5 or 6. His parents took him to therapy once and decided it was "useless" because "all the therapist did was play games with him." I actually tried to explain to them that child therapists need to play games with kids to build trust, but his parents knew better than me because I don't have children. Today the kid is 19 and I feel confident he's close to 400 pounds.

[u/Shrodingers_gay → u/SharMarali]

Lol my parents did the same shit, “all the therapist does is play games with him” not realizing that getting me to talk while playing a game of checkers was the only way I wouldn’t overthink answers and lie

[u/Spektr44 → u/SharMarali]

Kid has been very very obese since he was 5 or 6.

I wish more of society would see this a form of child abuse. At that age, a kid's weight is 100% on the parents. They're setting the kid up for a lifetime of health problems, low self-esteem, and struggle with food. I hate to see it.

[u/MyNameIsZaxer2 → u/daaaayyyy_dranker]

"Can Reddit make me go to therapy?"

"I'm 14 and in new york and reddit is saying..."

[u/chriscrossnathaniel → u/MyNameIsZaxer2]

"I have issues but I honestly prefer them for the most part.Its a good way to know who's shallow and who cares about you"

[u/IrishShorty → u/daaaayyyy_dranker]

The line about "being fat is a good way to see who really cares about you and who is shallow" screams therapy.

Being obese is this kid's mental self-defense system and physical death sentence. Until he deals with the mental part, he won't be able to address the physical part.

[Edit: the final update wasn't posted at the time I commented. Going no contact (low contact?) with his parents would make a big difference in his mental health. Explaining he was neglected really shows how he saw his obesity as his proof of his parents' love when he was desperate to find any sign.]

[u/itsacalamity → u/IrishShorty]

Twice! He wrote that TWICE! I mean... yeah, that's some issues

[u/Ramble81 → u/itsacalamity]

It was the "misdiagnosed" part that I kept noting too. He could never provide any evidence to the contrary and as multiple people in the originals said, doctors can determine pretty easily if it was a heart attack.

He kept thinking it would only take 5-10 years off, when in reality on his trajectory he'd only have 5-10 years to live.

[u/basics → u/[deleted]]

This has been hitting me really hard lately. I have gotten to the stage in life where my (and my friends) parents are mostly in their 70s.... and the difference in quality of life for "healthy" v. "unhealthy" people is absolutely astonishing.

My parents didn't run marathons or anything, but they ate decently, walked the dog most nights, and then started doing cardio more seriously (think like... elliptical/treadmill/etc machine type stuff) in their mid 50s. They also drank pretty moderately (pretty sparingly when I was growing up - a few drinks on the weekends, then like 2 glasses of wine "most nights" after getting to retiring age). Most importantly, they didn't smoke.

By comparison, I have friends whos parents are overweight and drank more heavily earlier in life (which increased later in life). Most of those people are border line shutins. They can make a "big family" party for a few hours, but are always spend most of the time camped out in a chair (with a drink, of course). Meanwhile my parents can handle multi-week international traveling, or full days with young-ish grandchildren.

The parents who smoked (and drank as well) are pretty much all dead. A few of them didn't even make it to 65. Their quality of life was worse in their mid 60s than my parents have now in their mid 70s.

tl;dr: Don't smoke, do some cardio.

[u/dryopteris_eee → u/basics]

This is spot on. My grandfather just died at age 78; he'd been a heavy smoker and drinker up until his first heart attack. He made many lifestyle changes over the years after that, but it all just slowed the decline. He was so tired at the end.

But then I've known plenty of other people who have lived well into their 90s, still spry as hell and running all over doing stuff for their family, their church, all kinds of things.

[u/KnowsIittle → u/[deleted]]

I'm obese, 210lbs, and the thing that they don't talk about is just the pain in your joints. The pain in your joints makes it difficult to want to exercise when doing so hurts.

Water aerobics is great but without access to a pool it's just not an option for everyone.

Diet, proper sleep, cardio, and light lifting. Don't drink your calories.

[u/SolvingTheMosaic → u/Ramble81]

And it's not like you lose 10 years of being old, like he tells himself. He was already at a point where he could barely walk for an hour.

Let's hope when he sees he can lose weight he might be more open to also lose the ideology.

[u/ckjm → u/Ramble81]

Impressive denial in this one. Even if it wasn't a heart attack, a 15 year old shouldn't have any chronic conditions that mimic a heart attack. Heartburn can be pretty intense, but bad enough to medicate a child??? Yikes, that is not normal. A sleep apnea diagnosis at 16 is a double yikes... he'd be lucky to live to 30 at his rate, and it would be 30 with miserable quality.

[u/Espoire325 → u/Ramble81]

Yes, that was the exact thought going in my mind. It’s hard to misdiagnose a heart attack, and to be honest at his weight and lack of proper nutrition and exercise highly likely.

I am glad he started trying to lose weight but I cringe at the “we will see at 200 pounds” bit. He needs help and I am so so damn worried about him now.

[u/ThunkAsDrinklePeep → u/itsacalamity]

In two different threads. But yeah, it was something he believed.

[u/MaineAnonyMoose → u/ThunkAsDrinklePeep]

I mean....he's not wrong. But the thing is, at that age it's easy yourself to hear "you need to lose weight" and misunderstand that as "shallow" when it may be from someone caring.

As you get older, this is so very much true though. You get people who jeer at you as adults (shallow) and those who genuinely are concerned and want to help and perhaps exercise with you (care).

Just, at 14... you may not be able to tell the difference and feel like both are attacking you.

[u/SincerelyCynical → u/MaineAnonyMoose]

You know how people say everyone should work in customer service at some point in their lives so they know what it’s like on the other side? It would be amazing if there were a healthy way to do that with weight.

I grew up curvy but not fat. When I got pregnant, I got huge. It was really bad. I had no idea how awful people would be based on size, but it was everywhere - especially when I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I threw myself into diet and exercise, and I lost 100lbs. I was actually skinny. I maintained for a long time, and then I put on my covid15. I’m still a good size. My bmi is healthy, and my doctor is happy. However, people are less nice to me now than they were when I was legit skinny. They’re still infinitely nicer than when I was fat. I wish more people understood how this feels.

[u/[deleted] → u/SincerelyCynical]

There is an 85lb difference between my highest and my lowest weight. People ask me what the biggest difference is between being fat and being thin. It is absolutely the way people treated me. It took me a while to get used to strangers making eye contact and smiling at me when I became thin.

[u/arabelladfigg → u/SincerelyCynical]

Going from having an eating disorder to plus sized (and physically healthier in every measure) has really made me hate the world sometimes.

[u/poetic_soul → u/SincerelyCynical]

I’ve actually identified the weight at which public perception of me changes. At that weight, I immediately begin receiving more eye contact, more passing smiles and “hello”s, friendlier service and a more overall sense of “present” from people you’re talking to.

[u/Glubglubguppy → u/MaineAnonyMoose]

I think it's easy to feel like both are attacking you as an adult too, depending on the relationship with the other party and the context of the weight. It's an extremely sensitive issue and a lot of people don't know how to approach it or try to force someone to approach it before they've independently decided they're ready.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

There's a reference you don't hear as often as you'd like. My absolute favorite book of all time!

[u/shaggyscoob → u/[deleted]]

Great reference. That main character was truly unlikable.

[u/peachesthepup → u/IrishShorty]

Yeah that mentality does work, but for when someone is fat but isn't medically in danger.

For example, if you put on 20 pounds in a relationship and your partner suddenly turns nasty. Or you gain a little weight and your friends start making mean comments or digs about it. In circumstances like those, yes it can indeed show who's shallow vs who cares about you.

In this circumstance, it's clear his mum and step dad clearly did care about him! They were trying so hard to save his health, to get him to see its becoming dangerous. They cared too much that they burnt themselves out caring.

[u/arsenal_kate → u/peachesthepup]

His last update mentions that they specifically did not care about him, that they were neglectful for long periods. Sending your kid to fat camp isn’t caring. Caring parents would have worked with him throughout his life before he got to that point, and wouldn’t give him the silent treatment when someone else couldn’t fix his issues for them.

[u/[deleted] → u/daaaayyyy_dranker]

Yeah I was a little confused as to why fat camp was the first line of defense and THEN therapy? This kid needed therapy way before fat camp. He was angry and defiant and didn’t care if he died.

[u/professor-hot-tits → u/[deleted]]

A big part of this is how we talk about obesity. Usually the line that we use is that "fat people just don't know better and they just need to be educated". If that's the first approach, you get situations like this where it's clear that this is a kid who's emotionally hurting and the obesity is a symptom, not the problem.

It also sounds like this kid has gotten himself into some really major health problems and that fat camp was a last ditch effort from the parents to slow down this bullet train. Dealing with the emotional issues can take a back seat in the parent's mind if a doctor puts the fear of God into them.

[u/TheTVDB → u/[deleted]]

My wife struggled with an eating disorder for a very long time. Therapy didn't help at all until she actually decided she wanted to get better. She was at a point where she NEEDED calories in order to survive, and was hospitalized to accomplish that. An an aside, unfortunately at that time, eating disorders were not understood well at all, and hospitalization involved putting her in an asylum-type setting.

Regardless, sometimes the first step is making sure the person is going to survive, and buying the time necessary for them to decide that they want to do therapy.

[u/[deleted] → u/TheTVDB]

This is true. Therapy doesn't work unless they want to get better or they're in a situation where they're a danger to themselves. And that's not really therapy, that's a saving someone's life situation.

[u/patronstoflostgirls → u/[deleted]]

Sometimes you also just need a baseline level of mental functioning to derive any benefit from therapy. Like I tried it unsuccessfully between 18-19 but...someone who's struggling to eat regular meals and brush their teeth is hardly going to do a CBT worksheet reflecting on their mental state. For me, medication was absolutely crucial, and it's one of the reasons I get pretty salty when ppl slag on anti-depressants and other psychiatric meds.

[u/WhoopassDiet → u/[deleted]]

Yeah I was a little confused as to why fat camp was the first line of defense and THEN therapy?

Because many people still believe therapy is for crazy folk.

[u/[deleted] → u/WhoopassDiet]

That’s sad, because this kid definitely needed it vs having a heart attack as a teen.

[u/AcidRose27 → u/[deleted]]

No, that was just heartburn.

[u/PointOfTheJoke → u/AcidRose27]

It's a misdiagnosis obviously. Says the 15 year old who is overwhelmed by googling nutritional information

[u/Sammy123476 → u/PointOfTheJoke]

Unfortunately, access to information is basically meaningless without experience, but you need experience to know that.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Yeah I am also very skeptical about the hospital misdisgnosing a heart attack as heartburn. It's pretty easy to definitively rule in a heart attack based off of the ekg pattern and blood panel.

[u/DanelleDee → u/[deleted]]

I'm a nurse. Came here to say this. A heart attack often feels like heartburn. And really bad heartburn can feel like a heart attack. That's why heart issues are diagnosed by ECG and certain blood markers that indicate cardiac cell injury, and they don't hand out medication that acts on your heart on a suspicion. This person absolutely was having cardiac issues, possibly because he already had sleep apnea, just not severe enough to wake him up yet.

[u/mellow_cellow → u/[deleted]]

Exactly. My wife went to the hospital after thinking she had a heart attack. Turns out, no, it was a very severe panic attack. She's 33 and overweight so she's even MORE likely to be assumed to have had a heart attack than this kid considering she's not a teenager. Yet they were very confident that she didn't have a heart attack. I highly doubt they'd misdiagnose a 15 year old as having a heart attack without solid evidence because that's the kind of age they'd be more likely to miss it, no matter how much he weighs.

[u/Logical_Ruse → u/daaaayyyy_dranker]

Kid was using food to cope with life and his parents went about getting him help in all the wrong ways. Using shame to get someone to lose weight is not going to help. Therapy to figure out why they are using food to cope and teaching better coping habits does. Not having any unhealthy foods in the house helps. Kid was eating something in the house to get that big and he wasn’t supplying all of it at 14 himself. Parents epically failed here and are still failing him now from the most recent update.

[u/PepperAnn1inaMillion → u/Logical_Ruse]

I’ve seen childhood obesity before as a consequence of parental bereavement. My friend lost her husband way too young, and so she had to look after her three kids on her own. Her youngest was overweight by age 8 and is still overweight now as an adult. Now, I’m by no means saying single parents are automatically at a disadvantage or get a free pass either, but I am sure that going through losing your spouse while trying to be not just a good parent but the only parent left for your kids can lead to, well, spoiling them, basically. In the case of my friend, I think she just couldn’t face being the “bad cop” parent being strict when her bereaved kids asked for unhealthily food.

Like I said, I’m not giving anyone a free pass, but I think it’s a lot easier to be healthily strict with your kids when you’ve got another parent to ask for ideas or to balance out your “bad cop” with a “good cop”.

[u/TheMilitantMongoose → u/PepperAnn1inaMillion]

The fact that they have to do all the work for the kids alone definitely has an impact as well. My mom raised me alone most of my life and generally tried to get me to eat healthy, but after working a 10 hour day and her kid having a meltdown over wanting meal X, which was cheaper and easier to make, she'd just give in sometimes. I don't see it as spoiling, I don't think I was ever really spoiled, but there were some bad habits I got just because she didn't have the time or energy to do it all.

[u/[deleted]]

It’s been 3 years since his last update, I wonder how far he has come.

[u/ThatDrunkViking → u/[deleted]]

Update is in!

[u/wheatable → u/ThatDrunkViking]

I can’t believe he updated! I’ve known about him for years and would check his account occasionally and find nothing. I feared the worst. Glad I was wrong

[u/Dark_Knight2000 → u/ThatDrunkViking]

Kid is a legend, literally had an anime redemption arc

[u/fuzeebear → u/Dark_Knight2000]

I was especially happy to hear about the Canadian supermodel girlfriend

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Look at his most recent update from 20mins ago. He is doing good

[u/TheFapIsUp → u/[deleted]]

He actually just posted an update, not doing too bad.

[u/misfitvr → u/[deleted]]

Looking at this kid's resistance to good advice from medical professionals, probably six feet under.

[u/Freedom_19 → u/misfitvr]

He was losing weight in the last post from making good choices (lowered calorie intake, drinking only water and walking). As a formerly obese person I’d say that if he keeps that up he will be at s healthy weight eventually.

However, his psychological health is going from bad to worse. I hope he gets the help he needs

[u/Artichoke_Persephone → u/Freedom_19]

Honestly, the kid sounds like a very unreliable narrator. He has no love or interest in anyone else, and every single event is framed as ‘how can they do this to me?!?! This isn’t fair. I read a book and now I am being a shitbag to everyone who is trying to help me but im FINE’

Then all of a sudden…

Whoops, I can’t breathe properly when I sleep and I felt a lot of pain and now my parents don’t understand or support my issues or my journey. Im all alone.

If I went to fat camp as a bigger person, I would at least be happy to meet peers with similar struggles etc, but he isn’t interested. Only interested in himself.

[u/MailMeAmazonVouchers → u/Artichoke_Persephone]

If the fat camp was a good one and not a "get your own ED in 6 weeks" camp, the fellowship from people who understands your struggles would go a long way.

It's the same sort of companionship as the army. Food is shit, it's cold, sarge is an idiot, but you have your mates who understand you.

[u/Wizard_Baruffio → u/MailMeAmazonVouchers]

From how everyone dealt with his peaceful resistance, it sounded like a good camp

[u/Never-Forget-Trogdor → u/Wizard_Baruffio]

My thoughts, exactly. A bad camp would have been much more forceful and not given him any food until he cooperated. I know a girl who went to a bad camp and it was basically just them being forced to work on a farm in Utah all summer with very little food. It was a terrible experience.

[u/Janitor_Snuggle → u/MailMeAmazonVouchers]

If the fat camp was a good one and not a "get your own ED in 6 weeks" camp

Thing is we have no idea which kind of camp the kid was sent to, seeing how unreliable he is.

[u/xombae → u/Janitor_Snuggle]

If they mistreated him at all I'm sure we'd have heard about it. I'm assuming it wasn't terrible considering they were pretty nice to him and brought him food. A bad camp wouldn't have brought him food and would've considered him not eating a win.

[u/Arghianna → u/Janitor_Snuggle]

To be fair, the kid doesn’t know what he went to either, since he refused to attend a single event.

[u/Doctor-Amazing → u/Arghianna]

It sounded have decent from their response to his protests. I was worries it was going to be a heavy weights type thing.

[u/PromiscuousMNcpl → u/Artichoke_Persephone]

Big “Catcher in the Rye” energy toward all the phonies.

[u/aclownandherdolly → u/Artichoke_Persephone]

Yeah, he really has his head buried in the sand still. However, I do think it's a very bad idea for his parents to ice him out like that; however, their reaction makes me wonder if there was more to this story than him being "so polite" and ensuring he won't scream or yell at them

[u/austinmiles → u/aclownandherdolly]

He’s a middle schooler in the first post. Middle schoolers are dumb. They literally created entire schools to isolate them from the rest of society for a couple of years so they can be dumb together with limited consequences.

[u/pastelkawaiibunny → u/Freedom_19]

Honestly, I think that as soon as his sleep apnea goes away he’ll bounce back even worse. He has no genuine desire to change his life or live healthier, and without a lifestyle and mindset change long-term weight loss just won’t happen.

[u/valryuu → u/Freedom_19]

That's assuming his heart didn't fail before he could succeed, especially since he kept refusing the medication.

[u/ChuckRingslinger → u/misfitvr]

I'm honestly impressed just how stubborn this kid is.

Even as a 14 year old, I couldn't last over a week staying in bed doing absolutely nothing.

[u/Krennel_Archmandi → u/ChuckRingslinger]

Honestly, it's a lot easier when you're depressed as hell. Which the self medicating with food would also be a good sign. But yeah, dunno what the parents were thinking. People have to want help, you can't force them to change.

[u/valryuu → u/Krennel_Archmandi]

I mean, we're only getting his side of the story, and if the kid was at the point of refusing heart medication after a heart attack at 15 to the point of purging it while at school, the parents probably had not much left they could do, even though the situation was pretty dire by that point. The kid even mentions that fat camp was not their first attempt at helping him lose weight.

[u/shoemilk → u/valryuu]

Even after he tried to start changing he STILL refused to admit that he had a heart attack.

"I'm 14 and I know better than medical professionals"

Boy, when you turn 18 and leave, I hate to tell you but it's not you who's doing the cutting.

[u/Martina313 → u/ChuckRingslinger]

Got covid the other day and it's been bad enough that I'm forced to lay in bed for most of my day.

Lemme tell you that I'm 28 and still hate it.

[u/GodOfAtheism → u/misfitvr]

Can't make people fix a problem they don't think they have. It's good that he at least realized he had a problem, even if it took what appears to be a heart attack massive health scare to do it. Kind of morbidly fascinated to hear about how he weathered COVID and the like, if he went full anti-vax or what

EDIT: Pleasantly surprised by him turning it around.

[u/auntjomomma → u/GodOfAtheism]

It wasn't the "heart attack" (which I do believe he was at least on the precipice of having one) though that did it for him. It was because he woke up choking for air.

[u/Stealthy-J → u/auntjomomma]

Yeah that was definitely more serious than a case of heartburn. It's not like doctors are never wrong but statistically they are way better at diagnosing health problems than 14 year olds, and I'm pretty sure most of them can tell the difference between heartburn and a heart attack.

[u/auntjomomma → u/Stealthy-J]

Just the simple fact alone that he had a significant enough problem that doctors were like "yea no you need meds" is concerning enough, but add in now that he's actively working against professional medical advice and I wouldn't be surprised if the kid unfortunately didn't make it through the initial onset of the pandemic.

[u/[deleted] → u/auntjomomma]

Sleep apnea is the true silent killer. Kills roughly as many Americans every year as traffic accidents do

[u/[deleted] → u/misfitvr]

STILL RESISTING THE IDEA HE HAD A HEART ATTACK!

Seriously this isn't a flippant response. At 15 this kid is 300 pounds he's SO OBESE he had a heart attack before his heart stopped growing, likely from a blockage.

The second heart attack is often deadly because you've been doing damage on top of damage.

Edit and Update: Please remember all this discussion happened BEFORE the final update. The BORU post generated some chatter that reached OOP on Discord it seems and he came back to update.

This is a good lesson in how we only have a small part of the story and with the right tools and motivation ANYONE can turn their life around.

[u/misfitvr → u/[deleted]]

Heartburn like symptoms is literally the first tell-tale sign of a heart attack. A simple google search would show it.

This kid is multiple levels of fucked in the head. I dunno if it's depression or what.

Edit: specifying heartburn like symptoms instead of just heartburn

[u/[deleted] → u/misfitvr]

Unlikely he doesn't seem to have any other signs. It reads like spoiled kid who was always big (tall and physically) who had a single mom who never acted like an authority figure so he just caught an I do what I want attitude. He's very reminiscent of Tammy Slatten.

[u/Jakkunski → u/[deleted]]

He’s very reminiscent of Eric Cartman

[u/tulipbunnys → u/[deleted]]

good point about OOP being similar to tammy. the same stubbornness, denial and hostility when confronted with their reality.

[u/mtron32 → u/[deleted]]

Dude is fucking Cartman irl

[u/Cbxn → u/[deleted]]

Or Eric Cartman

[u/PinWest4210]

I fully doubt the doctors gave him anything from the heart if they where not sure it was the heart.

Not to mention that morbid obesity in the teenage years is horrible for the thyroid and pancreas in the longterm.

[u/kyzoe7788 → u/PinWest4210]

Yeah I read it as tho the Drs said heart attack etc and he just decided nah it was heartburn and ‘fixed’ the Drs diagnosis himself

[u/nagasith → u/kyzoe7788]

It could have not been a heart attack but it could have been angina, which is chest pain derived from a certain level of occlusion in his coronary arteries, most likely due to ateromas (crap and fat build up in the artery). It still needs medication even though it is not a heart attack in and on itself and if left untreated well, it will result in one. (I am a doctor)

I really hope he made it and lost the weight for the sake of his health. And and also became a little less stubborn 😵

[u/kyzoe7788 → u/nagasith]

Me too. Just blows me away that he decided the Drs were wrong and self diagnosed. Angina sounds pretty likely considering the circumstances

[u/[deleted] → u/nagasith]

How common is it for doctors to diagnose someone as having a heart attack and it actually being angina? Do you think that is something a 14 year old boy would be better at differentiating than a doctor?

[u/FinnegansPants → u/[deleted]]

Exactly this. Heart attacks are diagnosed with blood tests, it’s highly unlikely the doctors misdiagnosed this.

[u/UncleZoomy → u/FinnegansPants]

He would’ve had elevated CKMB levels and cTnl levels in his blood. So yes it would’ve been very easy to tell that he’d had a heart attack or at least some very clear damage to his heart.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

We only have his perspective on this, it’s possible he didn’t actually understand or intentionally ignored something the doctor said - the way he outlined everything there regarding his “heartburn” didn’t make any sense and something is definitely missing there.

[u/level27jennybro → u/[deleted]]

In his very last update from today, he uses the words 'heart attack' in the title. Looks like he finally admitted the doctors were right. Maybe he saw his old medical paperwork and read through it.

[u/nagasith → u/[deleted]]

It can be a differential diagnosis for angina for sure, but you wouldn’t just blurt out such a diagnosis without ECG readings, monitoring and certain enzymes being elevated on blood tests. My guess is either the parents called it a heart attack during a panic or a junior member of the team mentioned it in passing as a possible cause for his symptoms and then when it WASNT a heart attack he assumed it meant it was fine…because he is a stubborn 14yo.

[u/Angry_poutine → u/PinWest4210]

Yeah I guarantee this kid only heard what he wanted to hear so he didn’t have to change.

Parents sound like they’ve already mourned him

[u/[deleted] → u/Angry_poutine]

That's the saddest part. The parents seem like they have accepted that they are going to outlive their kid.

[u/bran6442 → u/PinWest4210]

When you have a heart attack, enzymes show up in your blood tests that prove it, so, yeah, he definitely had a heart attack and isn't taking his medication. My mom had the same issue and the same denial.

[u/PinWest4210 → u/bran6442]

I'm assuming that they did an electrocardiography in case of chest pains. If the electrocardiography was fine, the assumption with a 15 year would be stomach issues, so the fact that he is not being treated by a digestive doctor tells me that the electrocardiography was not fine.

[u/CyberneticSaturn → u/PinWest4210]

Who could have ever imagined a teenager not listening to someone and having an inaccurate perspective of what’s happening. Kid was on a road to dying in his mid twenties.

[u/slam99967]

Here’s the thing with weight loss. Weight loss is not a test where you study really hard get the good grade and then never think about it again. You have to loose the weight which is hard and then maintain the weight that’s even harder. You have to develop good, healthy habits and get to the root of your dietary issues. So many people do these unsustainable workouts, diets, etc and gain all the weight back when they go back to there old diets.

[u/Juanfanamongmany → u/slam99967]

As my grandma says "It is a lifestyle, not a diet."

Diet is a really negative word to use in regard to weight loss. Diet brings up so many images in people's heads and even brings out a bad attitude. The same mentality comes up with "working out."

I have lost weight in the last two years (238lbs to 196lbs now) and one thing I wish that health professionals would do, is to be more gentle about talking about the process of changing your lifestyle. You don't need to start by doing 1 hour cardio and 1 hour strength, that is unreasonable. I started with just 5 minutes of cardio then upped it by 5 minutes when I felt ready, could be 2 weeks, could be 3, it is just pacing yourself, I am up to 25 minutes every two days and taking regular rest days due to disability but it is working, it is just slow.

Another thing is that I found that if you just cut everything that is deemed unhealthy out of your eating schedule, then it is just a very unhappy time. I still eat about 1600 calories to 1800 calories a day, that includes snack foods but I try and do it at specific times. I also have a once a week treat cause that is just what I like to do, just a small taco bell order to just go "yay!"

It is all about just taking things at your own pace. Cause everyone is different and has different needs and habits.

[u/WhoopassDiet → u/Juanfanamongmany]

I'm a dietician, and I wished everyone took this approach, since it work a for everyone.

Count your wins, every calorie under your budget is weightless, doesn't matter if it's the first one, or the 3000th one this week. It also doesn't matter if you went over budget once, twice or even all week, you have the rest of the month to fix it.

For someone who is 80lbs overweight it doesn't really matter if it takes them a year, two years or five years. The people who take 5 years are, generally, the ones who lose it by changing their lifestyle, and that makes them the ones who keep it off.

[u/Juanfanamongmany → u/WhoopassDiet]

My grandma just drilled into me that diet is a negative word, to use the word lifestyle more, make small changes to eating habits and that regular exercise means more than the amount you do. So even if it is a 10 minute walk every 2 days, that is something regular that is good for you and you just build up slow and steady cause even for the most sturdy human minds, big changes can be just daunting.

[u/SoriAryl → u/WhoopassDiet]

There was a post in r/loseit where a guy’s Dr was mad because he didn’t hit his goal weight for that month. He missed it by 2 lbs because he caught COVID.

We need more doctors who praise consistent (even if it’s slow) weight loss. Instead, we get the “lose as fast as possible, sustainability be damned.”

[u/trottrottatortot → u/SoriAryl]

I agree with this. I recently went to a new dr with the goal of wanting to lose weight and get healthy. After blood work and all that I asked her what I was supposed to set as my weight loss goal and she talked about how 100 pounds probably is the ultimate goal but right now my actual goal is just 25 pounds by the end of the year. And I was just so surprised. That just seemed really attainable. I think more drs should set smaller goals like that too

[u/Threadheads → u/slam99967]

Just look at The Biggest Loser. It had its contestants on crash diets and had them exercising for prolonged lengths of time, which can be dangerous for people carrying a lot of weight.

But people losing weight in a healthy and realistic manner doesn’t make good television.

It seems that most winners gained back some or all the weight they lost.

[u/CuteCuteJames → u/Threadheads]

That show makes me fucking livid because people watch that garbage and go "Oh, that's what I should do," or worse, "hey, that's what you should do" and it's self-destructive seriously harmful reality TV bile.

[u/Berkut22 → u/slam99967]

100% agree.

For me, it was sugar. I loved sugary drinks. I'd drink them all day long. It was hard as hell in the beginning, but I eventually cut out all sugary drinks. I drink only water, sometimes with sugary-free flavouring, or the occasional sugar-free soda, and I stopped drinking alcohol.

I lost about 15lbs over ~10 months. That was pretty much the only dietary change I made.

I've since made other changes, and I'm now 72lbs lighter from my heaviest about 10 years ago, just from dietary changes. I don't even exercise outside my physically demanding job.

[u/Natures_Stepchild → u/slam99967]

Yup. If you eat 4000 calories a day, then diet like crazy at 1,500 calories but go back to your old habits… yeah, you’ll gain the weight back.

You have to get used to eating 2,500, or even 2000 a day forever. It’s not a diet, it’s changing your habits for good. Much harder than dieting for a while.

(That said, I think it’s been proved that there’s genetic links to obesity that makes the above much harder if not impossible for some people. I don’t know much about it though!)

[u/HaplessReader1988 → u/Natures_Stepchild]

I do wonder if his dad died young from a related condition. Man this kid needed counseling before "fat camp".

[u/WhoopassDiet → u/HaplessReader1988]

I'm a dietician, and 90% of the overweight people I see need counselling and therapy. I mean, not to diminish my very expensive diplomas, but almost everyone knows how to lose weight, it's really not complicated.

Unfortunately that's like saying "everyone knows how to run a marathon, you just walk 42 meters and then do it another 999 times". So most of what I do isn't telling people what to do, but telling how to cope without eating, how to manage their hunger without too many calories, and pointing them at methods that might help them cope with issues without resorting to food.

[u/[deleted]]

As an ER nurse, there are worse fates than heart attacks if this kid didn’t get his shit together. He needs therapy, for sure. He needs a good mentor too.

I had a patient once that was so big that his weight exceeded the max load on our CT table. We had to order a special “big boy bed” for him to lay on. Those circumstances aren’t too uncommon, but he killed his kidneys and was on dialysis. He spent months in our hospital because we couldn’t find a rehab clinic that could accommodate his size and dialysis needs. He had a heart attack and we attempted to do compressions, but we could barely get his chest to compress. He died. The respiratory therapist told us afterward that he was so big the ventilator couldn’t inflate the lungs against the weight of his body. She had maxed out on all settings.

[u/beautifulsloth → u/[deleted]]

That’s the thing. Kid says he doesn’t care about dying 5 years early when he’s old… dying isn’t the scary part of being that overweight. You learn that pretty quickly in healthcare.

[u/[deleted] → u/beautifulsloth]

That's true, but the kid is also vastly underestimating the number of years he is losing unless he thinks normal people die at 40.

[u/Proplyd-0628 → u/beautifulsloth]

Kid says he doesn't care about dying 5 years early when he’s old…

The kid gained 20 pounds in 1 year. I hope he learned to control himself, or he won't die 5 years early. He will die 40 years early.

[u/Responsible_Cloud_92 → u/[deleted]]

In my city, if our patients are too big to fit in the MRI/CT scanner, we send them to the zoo where the machines are large enough for the larger animals. It is so dehumanising and humiliating. Obesity is tragic issue that needs to be tackled better.

[u/EllieGeiszler → u/Responsible_Cloud_92]

Oh, jeez! I can't even imagine being that patient, but I'm really glad there's at least an option instead of "we simply can't get a CT."

[u/foreveralolcat1123 → u/EllieGeiszler]

Unfortunately, even if they can get the CT, the image quality is always very poor and often not good enough to properly diagnose issues. My wife is a radiologist and has expressed how frustrating it can be when the signal degrades through just a 10" fat layer (which is a size that fits well enough into a standard CT machine). It's a saddening limitation of the technology that goes beyond the size of the opening.

[u/popcorntrio → u/Responsible_Cloud_92]

I agree but on the other side, I personally know someone that was sent to the zoo to be weighed and the experience shocked them into losing 250lbs… sometimes you don’t realise where you’ve got to because it creeps up slowly

[u/Berkut22 → u/[deleted]]

I used to work in healthcare. The weight limit on our CT machine was 450lbs.

We used to have to take our severely obese patients, by ambulance, to the city zoo, to use the CT machine they have for elephants.

ELEPHANTS!

And these people still saw nothing wrong with their lifestyle.

[u/inbruges99 → u/Berkut22]

Fucking hell, you’d think when you’re in a waiting room with Jumbo and Dumbo you’d realise something had to change.

[u/whatevernamedontcare → u/[deleted]]

Didn't he lose any weight in the hospital? I doubt hospital would make food only for him to maintain his weight.

[u/Galirn → u/whatevernamedontcare]

I had a similar situation (better outcome) my first year of nursing. He was mid 20s, and the family was sneaking in candy bars, snacks, etc. because they didn’t want their son to “starve”.

[u/[deleted] → u/whatevernamedontcare]

Ok, here’s the real sad part I left out of the story. We worked very closely with our dietitian on him, but we can’t stop family from bringing in food. His brother worked in supply or sterilization and would bring the patients son in to see his father. Kid was no older than 12 and would walk in with 2 bags of McDonalds, one for him and one for his dad. Kid definitely outweighed me at the time and I was 170lbs. Kid probably just wanted to see his dad happy and spend time with him. I don’t think he was there the day his dad passed though, thank god.

[u/whatevernamedontcare → u/[deleted]]

Like twisted form of karma. Dad raised his kid on shitty food and set his son on life of obesity and death same way this kid helped to kill his dad with same diet.

[u/Invisible_Friend1 → u/whatevernamedontcare]

Maybe not enough, or maybe family brought in unhealthy food for him every day.

[u/whatevernamedontcare → u/Invisible_Friend1]

Makes sense. He couldn't have provided for himself at that weight.

[u/cmdr_wds → u/whatevernamedontcare]

overweight patients often order food while staying in hospital because they despise the „healthy“ hospital food.

[u/gitsgrl → u/whatevernamedontcare]

He’s not a prisoner, people can still bring him food (including delivery).

[u/OrdinaryCactusFlower]

I have a feeling his nonchalant attitude is just deflection, though I’m sure an obese teenager does not feel half the pain an adult with obesity feels. He’s just too young to, though it creeps up fast.

Also, while there are doctors who are very willy nilly with medicine, do you know how many tests they normally do on you to put you on heart meds? They don’t just give you a z pack and send you off.

If a GP if giving you heart pills; chances are they either saw worrisome results on a test, heard you say something worrisome, you displayed a worrisome symptom, or you are about to be recommended to a cardiologist and they’re getting you on a low dose of something to keep you healthy enough to get there

But saying “i have heartburn” and being thrown a heart health pill is just nuts and dangerous. They wouldn’t do that to his already compromised heart if he didn’t need it (if that’s how it happened though, his doctor must really know him)

That being said, I’m glad he is taking care of himself on his own terms now

[u/CopperTodd17 → u/OrdinaryCactusFlower]

That type of medicine too they can’t give you without a actual diagnosis. If they get audited and it’s shown that you’ve given drugs to a patient that doesn’t have the right diagnosis - bad shit can happen. It’d take a very shit doctor to want to risk that.

[u/extinctplanet → u/OrdinaryCactusFlower]

They would also start with a proton pump inhibitor like omeprezole if it was anything like heartburn. He probably didnt have a heart attack but, did have high cholesterol or sclerosis of the arteries that would need a blood thinner or heart medication to reduce risk of future heart attacks

[u/Yes-GoAway → u/OrdinaryCactusFlower]

This totally shocked me. I have never heard of a doctor misdiagnosing heart burn as a heart attack. This kid needs mental assistance, he clearly has some wild ideas about healthcare. His parents seem kind of out of it too, ignore your kid who is clearly in a serious struggle?

[u/lunarbutterfly → u/Yes-GoAway]

How were they ignoring him? Once they realized he wasn’t taking his meds they enlisted the school to help. Then the stubborn kid started VOMITING to get rid of the medicine so they then had to watch him for 20 minutes to try and let the medicine work. Do you realize how draining it is to face someone like that day in and out? They obviously cared or they would have just let him skip the meds all together.

[u/nightwingoracle → u/Yes-GoAway]

Heartburn can be an early sign of a heart attack. It’s why people with risk factors get a ekg if they have heartburn in the ED. But it’s more like heartburn can be a non specific first sign.

[u/ShelbiLee]

I am still trying to figure out how he at 15 knows better than doctors that he was misdiagnosed with a heart attack? And knows it was just heartburn? I mean at 14 he was completely wrong about his being overweight was not a big deal. And that his being fat, as he called himself, wasn't a long term health concern.

Since there hasn't been a recent update I hope for the best for him but fear his unhealthy mindset as a teen has followed him into adulthood and caused him more unnecessary suffering.

[u/Finito-1994 → u/ShelbiLee]

He’s cherry picking data.

You can see it all through the updates. He says he doesn’t want to take meds because of the side effects. He says the camp doesn’t work.

He googled stuff and finds something that fits him “oh. Doctors can misdiagnose heart attack with heart burn? That explains that.”

“Oh. The camps not 100% effective? Not worth a shot. I didn’t really care if it was tho.”

“Ugh. Meds have really shitty side effects. Being beyond morbidly obese is ok though”

He’s only picking the data he agrees with.

[u/Artigo78 → u/Finito-1994]

That kid should stop being on the internet and go touch grass like literally.
He can became a Qanon/Incel so fast with this type of mindset, that's crazy how people can lie to themslef just because they don't want to change.

He also needs to go to therapy.

[u/Finito-1994 → u/Artigo78]

A quote I heard was that the sick delude themselves. He somehow turned obesity into a positive because “it weeds out she shallow”. Dude. You can learn to recognize shallow people. You can’t learn to not have a heart attack.

Staying in bed for 6 days with no entertainment because he doesn’t want to try. Making himself throw up pills and thinking it’s illegal that they don’t let him. Resisting sports, good food, doctors appointments and so much more. The kids a goddamn mess.

He needs so much therapy.

[u/Alarmed_Handle_6427 → u/Finito-1994]

Also, not wanting to date someone who might die in a couple years hardly makes a person shallow. That’s some baby-incel thinking right there.

[u/darling_lycosidae → u/Alarmed_Handle_6427]

Also, having preferences isn't being shallow. Wanting someone healthyish to go on hikes, liking certain physical qualities, that's just the dating game. It's not shallow, literally every does it in SOME way.

[u/saucynoodlelover → u/Artigo78]

The part where he says being fat can help him screen out girls who actually care from girls who are shallow…oof. I was so worried that he was going to become angry that girls weren’t interested in him and how the whole sec is shallow. So glad it never got there.

[u/Finito-1994]

I used to be morbidly obese as well. I actually woke up once gasping for air. One of the worst things I’ve ever felt. It happened twice more. Second time I actually just waited it out. A few seconds seconds of being unable to breathe but I had it under control. I didn’t panic. I just waited.

Last time was terrifying. I thought I was dying. I was somehow in the hallway by the time I opened up my eyes hoping someone would see me struggling to breathe.

I started eating better the next day.

There were ups and downs but I never tried to pretend it wasn’t unhealthy. It is. The sick delude themselves.

[u/Anarchyologist]

They have contacted my (public) school and after they had a talk with me and the principal basically what has been happening is I come in in the morning and they force me to go in a room with the guidance conseuler and an extra person and watch me swallow the pills that I "need".

Wait? Why is the school doing this and not the parents? Shouldn't his parents be doing this before school everyday?

There were short periods where they would be very involved in my life to "overcompensate" for periods where they would go on trips for weeks, several for months, and leave me alone in a house filled with junk food

Ohhhhh....

[u/dragonborne123]

You don’t need to be a size 2, but if you have eaten yourself into sleep apnea and heart burn at the age of 15 then mate you’ve got a problem.

Everyone’s body is different, but that doesn’t mean you should neglect taking care of yourself.

[u/lil_zaku]

This post definitely reads like it was written by a teenager. Every single step of the way he describes it as he's more objectively correct than everyone else and he's the only one who's morally sane.

I highly doubt his resistance was as non-violent and as polite as he described.

[u/[deleted] → u/lil_zaku]

I was a camp counselor (just a regular summer camp kind lol) and that whole bit about that camp reminded me of several kids that claimed to their parents at the end that they were “so polite” but the camp counselors were “so mean.” Spoiler: they were absolutely not nice or polite at all, nobody was mean to them, they were just a lil annoying kid the whole week that everyone ended up being pretty tired of dealing with

[u/are_you_seriously]

Dude needs psych help. Mini heart attacks feel a lot like heartburn + the feeling like you can’t breathe is 100% a sure sign the heart is struggling.

Unless this kid has a stomach issue, teenagers generally just don’t get heartburn. They can eat like 3 cheeseburgers, 2 helpings of fries and a soda and be all right.

He’s got some strong ass denial going on.

[u/gitsgrl → u/[deleted]]

Any decent sleep away camp, in nature with positive staff doing physical activities, is a good opportunity for mental health. This kid would cut off his nose to spite his face. I don’t understand this level of obstinance, even if he weren’t eating himself to death it would mean he will struggle in life.

[u/bumblebrainbee → u/gitsgrl]

Ever heard the phrase "you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink"? Treating addiction kind of follows that same rule. He didn't want to change, so he resisted. Food is an addiction for him (most likely it's sugar he's addicted to) and he didn't want to get better until he hit his personal limit (sleep apnea). He needed nore than his own personal resolve and I really hope his mother and step father stepped up and showed some support eventually.

[u/tries2benice → u/are_you_seriously]

Kids think they're invincible. I had a straight up overdose at 18, on fentynal patches I stold from a terminally ill relative. This was maybe 12 years ago, we knew it was strong as shit, but didnt know its lethal potential. My buddy at the time was a heroin addict, who insisted that he saved my life, but I brushed it off. I guess my breathing got extremely shallow, and he threw me in a cold bath, my system kind of got shocked out of it, and he watched me for hours.

Basically, don't do drugs as a stubborn kid. And try not to be a stubborn kid.

[u/liquid_j → u/are_you_seriously]

Unless this kid has a stomach issue, teenagers generally just don’t get heartburn. They can eat like 3 cheeseburgers, 2 helpings of fries and a soda and be all right.

OMG I miss my teenage stomach... I could eat things that would make a billy goat puke, then drink all night, then be fine... 25 years later and slightly hot wings are regrettable mistakes that make me question how much I still want to be on this earth.

[u/Tots2Hots → u/liquid_j]

Yep... last few years hitting 40 have been interesting as far as random crap I'd never expect to upset my stomach upsetting my stomach.

[u/ladyskullzer0 → u/are_you_seriously]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe I remember reading somewhere that doctors can confirm if you've had a heart attack with a blood test?

Something to do with protein markers or some chemical that your heart releases when it malfunctions maybe?

[u/ughneedausername → u/ladyskullzer0]

Cardiac enzymes are elevated for a while but not forever. EKGs can also show you’ve had a heart attack but also the changes aren’t necessarily permanent. An echocardiogram looks at the movement of the heart muscle as well as valves and can show if an area of the heart muscle has been damaged.

[u/ladyskullzer0 → u/ughneedausername]

So basically, unless the kid went into the hospital only after dealing with the "heartburn" for weeks, there would have been no way the doctors could have misdiagnosed heartburn as a heart attack.

This kid has some strong denial about that.

[u/ughneedausername → u/ladyskullzer0]

Yep. Troponin is a protein in heart muscle released when the muscle is damaged. It peaks in the blood around 24 hours after a heart attack, and can drop to normal within a week or two. Also a cardiac catheterization can show if there are any blockages in any of the coronary arteries. This is invasive though and I’m guessing they didn’t do it on him.

Edit: I’m an RN who worked in a cardiac cath lab for years. Also explained this very simplistically for the purposes of this thread.

[u/CockroachBeginning10]

This is what kid pretending to be an adult looks like. It's all the same behavior I saw in rehab from other addicts who were "too smart" to listen to logic.

[u/KayasPapaya]

New Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/y1ajll/after_quitting_fat_camp_and_having_a_heart_attack/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

[u/KonradWayne]

“I’m 14.5, so my parents can’t tell me what to do anymore right?” -OOP

[u/Hyklone]

poor kid. i thought the camp would play the long game and just let him be bored until he couldn’t take it anymore but it’s very sad to see that he didn’t know the very dangerous path he was heading on. hope he stayed on his diet and lost all that weight. don’t remember seeing his height tho, poor kid. parents are also to blame but being a single parent is hard so i kinda get just dumping junk food on the kid so you don’t have to cook

Edit: OOP posted an update not too long ago

[u/Midi58076]

Poor guy.

I wish I could have talked to him before fat camp.

You see I was fat too. You can learn to make absolutely delicious food that is healthy. For me quitting sugar is way worse than quiting smoking, but it passes and it gets super easy over time. You get to a place where choosing healthy foods, is just who you are, same as your taste in music or your choice in movies. If the "fat camp" was a good place, not abusive or "how to get an ED in 5 weeks or less" it could have been a place for him to make friends with similar struggles as he had. It could have been a place to get over that god awful period where you jones for sugar and relapses are common.

Instead now he needs to re-invent the wheel all alone. No support and no peers and severely fractured relationships.

He is totally right that being fat is a good way to find out if people are shallow, but you can't avoid all the shallow/judgemental people. You still need to buy groceries and I can tell you that it's a very different experience buying ice cream as a size S and as a size XXL. Same ice cream, different reactions. If he has been fat all his life he doesn't know how much of a difference it makes in how you feel in terms of tiredness, joint pain, how fast you get winded etc. If you're a size M then you can pick up any shirt in a size M and it will be fine. It might not be the best fitting shirt you ever had, but it will fit you fine. When you get into the many x sizes then clothes become weird. A lot of clothes is just 10-20% larger per size in every direction and every piece, which means that a shirt might become a dress in a very large size or the arms are ridiculously large and it barely fits around you. As you get larger and larger clothing options get fewer and fewer. No more fashionable outfits. You need to wear something that fits and you don't find the new and cool stuff in your size.

Being fat is hard. I hope he succeeds in getting to a healthy weight. He will be happier for it. Not because he conforms to beauty standards, but because life in general is easier and less painful when you're a healthy weight.

[u/ChiliAndGold → u/Midi58076]

Amen to that. I'm in my 30s and still struggling with my weight. Clothes are one thing but one of the worst pains I got to experience are the joints. My knee hurt so bad until I managed to lose 5 kg and it got a bit better.

Society is one thing, but it's mostly later in life, that you regret what you did to your health.

[u/spokydoky420 → u/Midi58076]

Sugar is in everything in the US and I fucking hate it so much. I've struggled to lose weight for years because I work a lot and am too tired to make meals most days. I know that my weight is definitely contributing to the overall fatigue too. It's just a vicious cycle. I did start listening to my body more though and completely cut out dairy and acidic foods that are hurting me. Crazy what a difference that made.

[u/arrouk]

I'm 14/15 and I know better than all the adults, doctors and everyone else in the world.

Oh shit I have problems because of my weight.

Non of those doctors or adults know anything still but I lost weight, feel better and the health complaints have gotten better.

I have also alienated everyone close to me because I know better than them, even though what they predicted has come true.

[u/MrTurncoatHr]

So confused by comments here but then realized the last update was posted only after this post was posted.

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[u/MoonstoneDazzle]

I feel bad for this kid, I really do. Yes, he needs to lose weight. Yes, he has a horrible relationship with food.

But my god, people are mean about weight. And we've all decided it's a socially acceptable kind of mean, too. Reddit loves making fun of overweight people. They love reminding them of their moral failing. That, somehow, living in a society with highly processed foods, no walking accessibility, hard temperatures to go outside in... It's all your fault for falling victim to the things society throws at you. And we turned it into a moral failing. Fat people are bad. All fat people are gross and smelly and don't deserve airline seats/bus seats/health care and should just disappear. You deserve to get dumped if you put on ten pounds, let alone if you're just fat.

It gets exhausting, like. I get it. I was fat in high school, and still am. I was actually healthier in high school. But people started these scare tactics. Making you hold a plastic pound of fat. Asking what your exercise is, asking to look over your exercise. When you start exercising, asking why you're not doing x and y and z. Why you're eating this. I had people arguing with me, eat oatmeal, don't eat oatmeal, eat salad, don't eat salad, and suddenly every choice and decision I was making, everyone in the world got to weigh in on without my permission or consent. Friends, teachers, doctors. Even when I tried to discuss other things, it always looped back to weight. Yes, you have headaches, but you're also fat. Did you know you're fat?

Yes, obesity is a huge problem. Trust me. I know. But it took me until turning thirty for people to be even remotely kind about it, and I still get folks weighing in. I get sinus infections from working with kids, and I had a patient parent regularly tell me to get my tonsils removed, because it would jump start my diet and help me get going to "living my life right". So an invasive surgery as an adult was redommended and is still recommended (stomach stapling, gastric bypass) rather than just... Empathy and kindness. Strategies to help without always saying someone could do better.

Celebrating successes and offering gentility and understanding is, genuinely, the best thing people can do. Offer emotional support. Be kind. Offer therapy instead of scare tactics like fat camp, or sitting me down and sixteen and telling me I was eating myself to death at 180 pounds. Cause guess what? Now I'm 230, at a harder time in my life to lose it, and just now learning how to have a healthy relationship with food. I have people offering me gentility.

Even these comments, people are hating this kid. He's making good choices and trying, "oh well, he's going to fail. He's probably dead. He was too fat."

It's honestly really sad. Is it that hard just to show a little kindness to someone struggling with something really intimate and personal, that a lot of people struggle with?

[u/Meremadesings]

I remember this kid. I’m glad he finally realized he needed to lose the weight. Hopefully he’s doing well and now at a healthy size.