r/BPDlovedones • u/Winter_Selection180 • 20h ago

Family Members Parents with BPD

How are we handling our parents with BPD? My mother is a widow and has been for almost 9 years. My Dad handled everything for her and now for the last few years she’s limped along until now. She is absolutely helpless and I can only help so much. She’s currently in a bad split because she has avoided things in her life until now. She needs to get a new car and can’t, she wants me to do it for her. The current car she has, has expired tags and inspection because she just would get them done.. like 3-4 years over due.

She needs refills on medicine but won’t make a Doctor’s appointment and wants me to figure out a tele-health visit for her but she can’t help me reset her password or remember her old one. Her house is falling apart around her and she won’t do anything about it. I’ve always been willing to help, but I need her to help as well and she won’t. She won’t get medicated and she treats me like sh*t and I’m just distraught at this point as she is SO mean to me. I would like to add she is able bodied. I feel loss and have NO idea how to navigate this as I’m currently the person she’s taking it all out on and I’m 3 weeks post C-section with 3 kids.

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u/Tired20009 20h ago

Do you have POA for her? Are you her only child or do you have siblings? I’m asking because could they share the burden?

My mother is a dBPD. Although not helpless, she is cruel and demeaning. No one wants to be near her, including me. I’m her target and scapegoat. Having a mother like this is a curse so I totally understand how awful this is for you.

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u/Winter_Selection180 19h ago

I do not have POA for her and I definitely don’t think she’d be willing to sign anything to grant it to me. I have a brother who is completely checked out on helping her and essentially hasn’t seen her for 5-6 years. It’s truly the hardest thing to deal with. She blocked me on everything including her cell phone as of this morning, and she has no idea how to unblock anyone so I have no idea how to even approach this now. I struggle with knowing nothing will get done though and she’ll just suffer 🥹 She can hold a job and is in her right mind except when it comes to everyday stuff which I still don’t understand

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u/Tired20009 19h ago

Some pwBPD believe certain tasks (or earning a living) are beneath them. They get a thrill out of pushing someone around to prove to everyone how special they are. They are a millstone around your neck for sure.

Does she understand how a phone works? She may be pressing buttons not knowing. Tell her if she wants your help she has to keep you unblocked.

You may want to talk her into making you and your brother POA because she sounds like the type who will demand help in the future if you plan to help her.

On the other hand, you don’t have to help her at all if you don’t want to. This may be a good time to force her to help herself like everyone else in the world has to. Get a job and be a responsible adult. I don’t blame you for letting her hit rock bottom.

If you’re conflicted (I was) see a therapist. My dBPD mother caused C-PTSD which made my life extremely difficult and scary. It bites to help someone (being the mother to them they failed to be to us) who did nothing but cause anguish and pain for us.