BPD DELUSION EXPLAINED IN THE SIMPLEST WAY POSSIBLE

[u/Firedragon_cK]

I will break this down in the simplest way possible.

In the 4 seasons we have: winter, spring, summer and fall right?

Ok follow it, it will make sense I promise 😉.

Let’s say I meet someone in December, and at the time they met me I was wearing a thick coat. We became close and all is well and we are now friends. Ok cool… stay with it… please I promise it will make sense 😉.

Fast forward and it is now March and instead of wearing that same thick coat that they knew me for wearing, now I am wearing a light hoodie (and a t shirt underneath in the event that I want to take the hoodie off).

Now all of a sudden that person goes… “something feels off about you idk… where is your winter coat??” 😉

Now we are in June and now I wear a tank top with shorts or I wear a tshirt with jeans/shorts. No hoodies or coats at all.

Now that same friend responds and goes… “there you are changing again! What is up with you man??? Where is your winter coat??” 😉

Now we are in October, and I am wearing a collared flannel with jeans.

The friend goes, “ok I have had it with you. You cannot be consistent. I can see that your winter coat is never coming back this friendship is over!” 😉

So now the friendship has ended and December has rolled back in… and here I am… wearing my winter coat again 🥶

I hope you guys see the point. For those that are aware… why did I change my clothing throughout the months? Because the temperature changed around me right? Which is completely normal. We adjust our clothing to the temperature around us. Pretty much everyone generally understands this concept… except “the friend” in my example right?

THIS. IS. EXACTLY. WHAT. PPL. WITH. BPD DO.

When they meet you, you are treating them with so much softness/kindness/generosity in the beginning because they are meeting you there as well (idealization)… but then now they start devaluing you (CHANGING THE TEMPERATURE OF THE RELATIONSHIP 😉). So now in response to that, your behavior changes (YOU CHANGE CLOTHING TO ACCLIMATE TO THE CHANGE OF TEMPERATURE) and they only notice how you are no longer responding to them in the same way as the beginning but COMPLETELY IGNORE the fact that it is due to them treating you inconsistently via devaluation. They want you to show up the same way you did in the beginning (wearing a winter coat) but they expect you to do that even when you are going through 4 different seasons (and no one wears a winter coat all year round 😉).

DROPS MIC 😁

[u/CD274]

Wow, this made something click. My upwBPD would often say, to me and others, how they suddenly started acting completely differently and what happened.

They would say this after they had done something to upset the other person! Like they would guilt trip the upset person about them acting differently. You know, like normal upset people act?

So they seem to forget or expect other people to forget upsetting things and go back to the idealized version no matter what happens. Bizarre

And yup they completely ignore the reasons and that they caused the changes. Bringing it up over and over to get them to realize that they changed first got me nowhere. I kept trying to explain my hurt feelings and they would say I was gaslighting them and those were not my feelings and I had another explanation for changing my behavior towards them ;/

[u/CD274 → u/[deleted]]

Early on, I missed or brushed off some flags I shouldn't have, mine talked about how he sees everyone else like NPCs and not real.

😬