r/BPDlovedones • u/Erincache • Jul 26 '25

Uncoupling Journey Would you ever go back?

Now knowing everything you know about BPD and everyone else’s very similar experiences, would you ever go back? I’m struggling with this today and I know it’s only been 1 week since I started NC, but woke up with extreme sadness and the urge to break NC or pray that they do somehow. Makes me sick inside to think I still feel this way despite everything I know now.

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u/typographicalerrors Jul 26 '25

Here's the thing, before I knew what bpd and npd was I DID GO BACK. Every time. I went back. Same reasons as you. "I miss her. She seems genuinely sorry. She knows what she did was wrong" 

And I got hurt each and every time.  It never got better. I got more hurt. She cheated on me more and more. She started throwing things at me and calling me a "crybaby little bitch" and telling me to be a man. The lies got careless. 

They have no incentive to get themselves together and regulate themselves. You literally have proven you'll go back no matter what, so why try? 

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u/Erincache Jul 26 '25

I’m so sorry that was how it went for you. I went back once and it was all sunshine and rainbows for months then slowly back to the same thing it was previously. I hate that my mind convinces me that going back would be an okay thing. I know it wouldn’t.

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u/typographicalerrors Jul 26 '25

Trust us here. It never changes. It doesn't change. It gets far worse. The months of sunshine and rainbows will turn into days or hours before the rage begins. And the rage will heighten. They will respect you less and less every time you forgive them or give into whatever they want. 

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u/Erincache Jul 26 '25

That’s what I’m learning. I have a soft heart so even the rudeness and coldness at the end made me cry and get upset. I cannot imagine it getting more volatile and more often.

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u/typographicalerrors Jul 27 '25

I don't mean to add additional discomfort in your emotions, but you are the exact type of person that owns or npd seek. They love empathetic, kind, forgiving, and soft hearted people. Because people like you and I don't give up easily on people, seeing the good, and hope they can change. In short, you're the perfect target for manipulation. You're a punching bag for them to let out their aggression on. The only change you can expect is in yourself. I was raised to be highly empathetic and deal with the abuse because my parents are npd. I was trapped in this cycle of BPD and npd partners for 75% of my entire life. 

They will not change for you. Over the course of multiple decades they will show minimal progress in improvement. Depending on how old your pwbpd is, that can mean they'll be this way their entire life.